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Please read my story: a sad mom and let me know what your suggestion is.

I have a 23 year old son. Since 7 years ago, my husband and I have had lots of problems with our son. He was living with us until a year ago, during those years he caused a lot of stress and problems for us. Everyday he yielded, and used very bad words with his parents, when one day he punched his dad, we asked him to leave us because it was dangerous living with him.

We helped him to rent an apartment and find a job. Although he did bother us from time to time in past year ago, however my husband and me were happy that we could live without situations.

Last night I invited him for dinner in our home, and again he was trying to fight with his dad, when he saw my husband was relaxed and not wanting to fight with him, he asked me to go to grocery shopping. My son and I went to grocery shopping, when I was driving and he used bad words when speaking to me, and punched to my head many times, I wanted to call 911 , but he said I will kill you later if you do it. I called my husband to help me, my husband tried to find us on the road , but he couldn't..... we returned home , my son tried again to fight with his dad. My husband asked him to calm down ... after two hours he was calmed down ... he said "I am alone in apartment and want to live with my mom and dad again"... my husband didn't accept ...

We know he has bad depression, and asked him many times to visit a consultant, but he has not agreed. He is addicted to marijuana and uses it everyday. We asked police before, but they said we can help you if something happened !!

What can me and my husband do? I am writing this when I am crying... and asking God to help us....

  • Hi Marcia, sorry to hear about your situation. I edited your post to make it easier to read, and to improve the title. Feel free to re-edit if I accidentally changed the meaning of your question. – sleske Sep 21 '17 at 7:14
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    If he is violent it is more than just depression. It is also probably more than marijuana. – paparazzo Sep 22 '17 at 1:11
  • What has he experienced in his past that may have been a strong example of "lack of empathy," such as abuse? Did his father use his power or force to overrule his son when he was younger? – Craig Sep 23 '17 at 21:39
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when I was driving and he used bad words to me and punched to my head many time, I wanted to call 911 , but he said I will kill you later if you do it.

We asked police before , but they said we can help you if something happened !!

You were assaulted. Call them. The fact that he is your son only matters as far as you are responsible for him. If he will hit you like that, he will hit anyone. The situation has moved beyond your control, and you need to take steps to treat him like an adult who has done this.

Call the police; and then you should consult an therapist specialising in victims of abuse. You need to talk to someone over the long term who can help you with what you're going through.

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    You were punched, something happened, the police can act. – pojo-guy Sep 23 '17 at 10:53
  • She was also threatened with being murdered if she called 911. That's an extra serious crime. – gnasher729 Apr 29 '18 at 22:47
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Your situation is indeed very sad. You have tried to do everything right by your son, unfortunately he has made very poor choices, which have negatively impacted everyone.

I think all you can really do is try to keep yourselves safe, and never be in a situation where either of you is alone with him. Unfortunately a drug users word cannot be trusted. He may tell you that he has changed, and will not be violent, but while he is still using drugs he has little control over his moods or behavior.

I think you need to tell him he can only live with you again, if he can get off (and stay off) the drugs.

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    Drugs are barely never a problem as such, but most of time a tentative to escape from a problem. Stopping drug, even if possible, will probably not solve all root causes. As a side note, If the son is in a depression, chances are big he's on a medication with drugs at least as addictive as marijuana is... – Laurent S. Feb 29 '16 at 12:13
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    @LaurentS. Marijuana can cause depression, paranoia, and other mental illness. People with a family history of mental illness in particular should definitely avoid it. In this case it sounds very much like the drugs are the root cause here. – user1751825 Feb 29 '16 at 20:30
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    > I'm not here to advocate Marijuana, which is indeed never curing anything, and in that case I don't think stopping it will do any bad. That said it seems to me a bit optimistic in this specific case to hope everything is caused by Marijuana and stopping it will get the situation back to normal where these parents can reasonably expect to live quietly with their son. – Laurent S. Mar 1 '16 at 13:53
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    @LaurentS. It's obviously impossible to know for sure. However the symptoms the author has described are very typical of chronic drug addiction. I think it's entirely possible that getting off the drugs may completely fix the problem. If you read stories from recovered drug addicts, often the most rewarding benefits they describe, are being able to re-establish relationships which had previously been severely strained, or broken. – user1751825 Mar 1 '16 at 14:13
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Unfortunately all you can do now is demonstrate "tough love" and cut him out of your lives, until such time as he shows that he has made concrete changes to improve.

There are two things that make this true: 1) If you were able to help him, you would already have done it. 2) It won't help his life at all if he harms you, and when you are around him, that is his pattern of behavior.

Since you are a religious person, I would suggest you pray and place him in God's hands, sometimes that is all you are able to do.

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Your son is very selfish and will never think of anyone else but himself. You may put conditions prior his moving back to the two of you.

You may try to scare him with calling the police on him, but it may end up badly. However, admitting to an institute for addiction of any narcotics and/or alcohol would help him tremendously.

His behaviour seems to be one that stems from his past experiences where he received very little to no attention. If not, it may as well be an issue that rose from peer-interaction. What ever it may be, his condition/behaviour needs professional attention.

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