Okay, I'm just gonna tell you what I did...after failing miserably with my teenage boys (who btw. behaved the same way at the same age). So when my 14-year-old baby girl started to show signs of behaving the same way, here is what I didn't do:
- I did not yell, fight or make empty threats at her.
- I did not offer rewards for her poor behavior to stop.
- I did not pretend it was okay, acceptable or normal.
Here is what I did do:
I realized that my daughter's anger and temper tantrums were due to a too unbalanced diet, social media over stimulation (which caused a lack of sleep) and a lack of constancy on my part. I also learned that if I watched her I could tell when she was about to "blow up" and step in before it happened. I know this sounds kind of silly...but you would do the same with a toddler right? It's just a modification.
The key is to head it off before it happens and make some environmental changes without directly stressing her (and you) out. Make a few meal changes, maybe cut out some grocery treats, cut back on TV/Screen time aka computer time. Take control of the social media intake (we had her choose one social media outlet, she went with Facebook, and that's it). We stopped letting her sleep until noon on weekends. Get her up, make sure she's tired at bed time...even on weekends.
It takes time. It's not an over night turn around but I'll tell you this, my daughter is so much nicer to be around now. She has become a kind, rational young lady that we can now set down and have conversations with instead of yelling, crying fights. This is an imperative lesson your child needs from you. Controlling our emotions and environment is key to living a happy, full life.
I hope this helps a bit. As I said, this is what we did, maybe it's not for everyone. But my boys are still struggling as adults and I wish I had known more then...don't we all.
Best of luck.