My 4-, soon to be 5-, year-old daughter has temper tantrums at preschool. She does not have them for me and has not had them for me for the past couple of years. I never fed her temper tantrums. It took my husband longer to get the point, but thankfully she has quit having them for him as well.
The problem I have is that she is doing great academically. She can read, write some, color, spell, and some very basic math. Her preschool teacher insists she thinks she is on the autism spectrum due to her "behavior problems". They treat her temper tantrums like she can not control them. But she can and she does. My daughter does not like to do certain things. She does not like to color, but loves to play with crayons. Don't get me wrong, she can color and stay in the lines...but it is not her favorite activity. So, if she is required to color for an activity at school, she will throw a fit knowing full well she will get put in time out and get what she wants...she doesn't have to color.
My problem is that most people (teacher and other support staff) speak to me as though they feel the temper tantrums are my issue. I strongly disagree. She does not behave that way for me and I don't allow it. If she throws a fit for me I either speak very sternly to her and make clear the consequences (and I follow through every time) or I simply ignore her depending on the situation. The result is that she behaves for me.
What am I supposed to do about her throwing temper tantrums for others when I am not there? These are definitely temper tantrums and not meltdowns as she calms as soon as she gets what she wants...per teacher. Even when she did have them for me I could quickly get it to end.
I agree that temper tantrums in toddlers are often an indication of bad parenting...but what about bad teaching? I feel they are attributing her temper tantrums to something she can't control, when clearly she can.