My husband has two lovely boys, age 8 and 9. Boys are staying over in in-laws' house to finish their school. Boys are coming over for weekends and I take them to school on Mondays. We are having issues with
- following directions/listening
- showing respect
- asking politely
- and ignoring.
I have step up House rules, so boys know how they need to behave. They have simple rules. For example "Say please", "thank you", "excuses me", "yes"/"no" "sir"/"ma'am". We want them to be polite, boys are smart, and I know they know these words.
Here is a problem, their grand mom (she is doing a great job ) lets them treat her as 'no one'. She serves them with everything. Last time I was picking them up, one of the boys asked for French toast
I want French toast
grandma does the toast - 5 minutes later
When my toast will be ready?
I step in and I explained that such behavior is not accepted and it is rude. And I told him how it need to be done
Grand mom, I would like a toast?
Grand mom can I please have a French toast?
And wait until it's finished.
Grandmother lets them do it everytime.
When adults are talking at the table, they cut in and interrupt, they talk back, they do not do what we asked for, or they ask why they have to do it, or "I don't want to do it". When we talk to them, and we explain why their behavior is unacceptable, the older one is making faces, he is laughing like he is ignoring. They treat us like peers, they do not say hello or goodbye. They do not say thank you, or if they can be excused from the table - we remind them everytime, but it is getting sick, for past seven months I am doing the same thing every weekend.
They do not want to clean their room (the share room and restroom ). For example, if one thing is left the excuse is - it's not mine it's mark and via versa. We are trying to teach them how to share, how to talk properly, how to be polite, show respect, explain why they need to listen. All this stuff is on the house rules.
When boys go back to gradmom's house, our progress goes backwards. She lets them get away with everything, then they are coming over to us and same issues all over again. I copied the house rules and gave it to mother-in-law. It is hanging in the kitchen, still boys are ignoring it.
They are not absent minded, they have A's and B's in school- one of them is in gifted program. I believe if they know how to pray before the dinner, they can learn how to behave and how to be polite. They know how to behave at my mother's house, by the time we get into the car, everything is getting back to "their" normal behavior.
We tried time out, the older one stands there and keeps asking "how much longer", or he is screaming so loud that I can't stand it. We tried taking toys away. The younger one is little different - he doesn't want to disappoint you. But when we put them together, it's crime after crime. It is just making me tired of the repeating the same thing, when I know that grandmother will do it her way.
Also, let me add that my husband and I do things with boys - color, puzzles, learning languages, gardening. We spend time together. But their behavior it's turning us off. Last weekend, we were invited to a birthday party and we did not go because boys could not behave. Last weekend, we got late to dinner because boys waited to do their things (clean their room, take shower, vacuum their room) for 4 hours. I told them why they have to do it, that they have 2 hours etc. still nothing...
Any suggestions or comments would help.