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My son is coming to 2 month+.

I have been doing the housework (pooping, bathing, wet cloth cleaning, feeding and etc, laundry).

I still fail at putting the baby to sleep after feeding and can't seems to improve my interaction with the baby.

My wife for some reason can sing him to sleep, I guess my voice sux and I feel she has better interaction with the baby.

She monopolize the child by having confinement at her place for first month and now I'm playing catching up.

May I know as a dad what can I do? is there a book to recommend me please?

Not very sure which tag to use.

  • 5
    It might help to know more about the family and cultural context: "confinement" isn't a modern western thing, but on the other hand in most cultures the wife joins the husband so "her place" doesn't seem to fit. It sounds like she has had a month to bond with the baby without you being present, so from baby's point of view you are just someone who isn't his mother. Its not that your voice sux, its just that it isn't his mother's. – Paul Johnson Dec 27 '15 at 11:47
  • As @PaulJohnson said, I wouldn't worry about it. The relationship will develop over the next year, especially if you prove to be the most interesting toy in your home. 😀 Though I'm constantly struck a few years into parenting how our kids' relationships with their mother are so different to their relationships with me. Not better or worse, just different. – ctokelly Dec 28 '15 at 7:44
  • It is normal for a child to bond more with one parent for some time, but they inevitably switch at some point. Don't assume he will constantly respond better to his mother because it will change. My daughter was a daddy's girl most of the time and then she switched back and forth regularly and has evened out. Remember, he is still very young and there is plenty of time to bond. Keep doing what you are doing. Read, sing, talk to him. He'll come around as he grows. Don't get discouraged - he really is so young and he is not choosing deliberately, it is just a basic need of comfort at first. – Jbird Dec 29 '15 at 17:31
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    Given that you're worried about such things, and that you're asking for help, I'd say that you're going to be fine, and you should stop worrying. Good parents worry and seek help, the specific help doesn't matter -- just being that sort of parent is good enough. Enjoy your son, it'll be fine. – Engineer Dollery Jan 6 '16 at 1:50
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I initially tried to copy everything my wife did to sooth and bond with our son, but the singing and other tricks really didn't work for me. Eventually, I found my own tricks and have trained my boy to enjoy them (or he trained me).

It took time and I only felt confident after my wife would leave the house, and I was forced to hone my skills. I started by making nappy changing as fun as possible.

Best of luck

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    Your "his trained me" comment is very important here. @seesee One "strategy" you can try is very carefully and patiently watching (and listening to) your son when you are together to see what actions of yours he reacts to (positively and negatively). – Jeff Y Dec 28 '15 at 16:53
  • We are both in the similar situation with the exception she will wanna take the child away from me. – seesee Dec 29 '15 at 6:30
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"How to help get a baby to sleep" has already been answered extensively here, so please read the posts on that topic.

As regards improving your relationship with baby, this isn't a father or mother thing as such - it is mostly around maximising interaction with your baby: touch, talking, cuddling, singing etc. So try to do as much of this as you can.

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I can only give you an advice based on experience:

The baby at such young age doesn't recognize you or anybody else. He only recognize his mom from her voice, smell and touch. Maybe your voice isn't nice but that's not the reason, simply you are a stranger to him/her just like anybody else but his/her mother.

So the advice is: give it few months

  • So the advice would be ... keep trying? – Paul Johnson Dec 27 '15 at 12:40
  • Agreed. The problem is caused by him not being around the baby for a month so they haven't bonded. The solution is for him to spend as much time physically with the baby as he can and they will get to know each other very quickly :) – Philip Dec 28 '15 at 22:21
  • @Philip : Minor correction... the problem is caused by my wife insisting of having confinement at her mums place and resulted in reduce access to the child. – seesee Dec 29 '15 at 6:31
  • @seesee yes sorry, I was attempting to simplify, not trying to make it seem like your fault. – Philip Dec 29 '15 at 6:34
  • @Philip no worries :P just pulling your leg. – seesee Dec 29 '15 at 6:36
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One thing I've found works is simply have the baby around when you're doing things, and explain what you're doing. They don't really understand at that age, but you can simply explain as if they did. So if you're cooking dinner:

"Now, seesee jr, we're going to add some paprika. Daddy likes a bit more paprika than most people, so we're going to add a bit more on this bit."

"And we need to keep looking at it and make sure it doesn't burn, or mummy will be upset."

"So let's get the vegetables and chop them up. Now this is a sharp knife and your fingers are incredibly tiny, so I'm just going to move you away a bit while I do this. Oh, don't look at me like that!"

It helps, because even if they're fussing, you're engaging with them.

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I found with my 11 month old that that him and I didn't develop a bond until around 6 months. If your babies mother is biological, then there is a very deeply seeded bond between your son and her. There's really no way to compete with a bond like that, and it's my opinion that you shouldn't expect to come anywhere close.

Trust me though, he's your son and you're his dad. Soon enough he's going to look up to you and love you like nothing you've ever experienced in life yet, assuming he's your first. To him, you'll wake up an hour early to go out and raise the sun for him.

From my experience, the best way to bond is to feed him, and hold him close to you when you do. Holding him and rocking him until he falls asleep works well too. Finally, what seemed to really do it for me, was to try and be there the moment he wakes up from sleep/nap. Then when he begins to crawl and play, always make time to play with him, talk to him, and show him new things.

I never used any books, and went off instinct, and it has seemed to work for me.

I hope my answer helped.

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One thing that helped me was wearing my babies (one at a time!) in a sling or other carrier. One advantage is that he gets to experience the world with you since your heads are at about the same height. A second is that he gets used to the fact that being with you gives him a choice about whether to look out into the world, in at you, or just rest. So it is very comfortable. A third advantage (at least for us), I (father) could carry my kids much longer than my wife could. So there will be a time where you are the favored parent :-)

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