I have two step-kids. Boy age 11, girl age 10. They both have bladder issues where they still wet their beds almost every night. The boy is a fairly gregarious outgoing personality who doesn't really care. He makes friends that don't care if he pees the bed, in fact they sometimes do themselves. (clarification: He has friends who either do not care that he has to wear protective wear, or they have/had similar issues)
The girl, however, is horrified at friends finding out she wears diapers to bed, much less that she sometimes pees her bed even with diapers.
The boy goes to friends houses, has friends over, but the girl refuses because of this fear. I'm dealing with a distinct jealousy on the girls part at the fun the boy gets to have because friends invite him out to multiple events but the girl has literally never been to a friends house for the 3 years I've been a step father.
I know that I can't "make friends for her" but dear lord... I'm conflicted and my heart hurts for her.
My wife has a serious mental health issue and so I work two jobs in order to pay bills. Our social life (as a family) is fairly non-existent (excluding holidays) so the kids don't even really circulate except for home, and the when they hang out at their dads place of business (he works in the service industry and they get to hang out at his job and play and such, but only sometimes). We don't do church (atheists), we can't afford extra-curricular activities (soccer, karate, etc), and so I'm sitting here wondering...
Is it best to leave her be and hope she'll figure it out? Find a friend or become more independent? She is FIERCELY co-dependent on her brother, and as they have reached that age where they are now in separate bedrooms, and having separate lives, she is mortified and lonely while he is starting to come into his own.
I've thought about trying to find a support group for bladder problems (if such a thing exists) or something similar so she can meet kids dealing with the same issues... but I'm not even sure that is a thing.
How can / should I help her?
- Bedwetting Statistics : Only three percent of children with primary nocturnal enuresis have a physical or urological cause for it. Psychological problems as a cause of primary bedwetting are not common.
- Hereditary : My step-children have multiple family members who stopped bed-wetting before 16 years of age.
- Divorce : As I mentioned, they are my "step-children," and from what I've gathered from both genetic-parents the divorce was rather lengthy, volatile, and stressful for all involved. Everyone is friendly now, but there is a good chance the divorce contributed to their stress and possibly their enuresis problems.
- Medical Professionals : Both their primary care professionals and family members who are also doctors have come to the conclusion that this is most likely a mixture of genetics and the messy divorce. Some medications have been tried but with no cure.