I have a 12-year-old son. He is intelligent, but will not sit and study. We always get complaints from school that he is playful and not serious.

He always needs to play, especially football.

When he is out to play, he forgets about everything and comes home late.

We have given a specific time, but he still forgets and comes very late.

We need him to remind about everything... especially academic things...

He still puts poo in his underwears like stain... We think he is too lazy to go to the toilet because of his playing...

He always gets beatings from his father and mother... We know that it is not right, but kindly advise what else to do?


First, stop the beatings. Its counter-productive, your example teaches him that violence the best way to get what you want, and depending on where you live it may also be illegal.

Instead start looking for specific short-term goals which you can agree with him and have a reward at the end for compliance. Start with simple stuff, like arriving home on time this once, in return for which he gets something he likes, such as an extra half hour of football with Dad. If he is late, find a short-term sanction, such as no TV the following day. Both need to be immediate and short term.

As he starts to succeed you can start to stretch out the rewards. So instead of getting the reward for getting home on time once, he gets it for a two days of being on time, then four days, then a week.

Also he may have some level of ADHD. I have no medical training, and in any case this is the kind of thing which runs in a continuum from average to extreme. But he may need to spend some time each day running around in physical activity. If he doesn't get it then he will not be able to concentrate.

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