I live with my parents and bagged a job in a multinational company that is luckily(as they say!) based in my hometown. My parents quarrel all the time because they have a difference in opinion on everything. How to make home a better place? I don't want to hurt them but I feel I can't bear it anymore. I have reinstated this quite a number of times to them together and one on one too but they end up quarelling. This is talking a toll on me as I have started believing that I might act like my father/mother in long run and thus don't have any girlfriends and feel I might not marry at all.I am 25 and broken from inside.Please help me.

  • 2
    Does the Job pay enough for your own place, nearby perhaps, but your own?
    – Layna
    Nov 27 '15 at 6:43
  • 1
    With regards to your second-last sentence, it sounds like you definitely need to find a counsellor or therapist to talk to about your own "brokenness", aside from the issues with your parents. Nov 27 '15 at 21:18

This is a difficult situation. How to solve it depends on many factors, but one thing that I found helpful in similar situations is:

You cannot change others, you can only change yourself.

That means you probably cannot change your parent's behaviour - if they want to fight, or feel unable not to fight, that is their decision, and you cannot (directly) change that.

You can, however, change how you handle the situation. How exactly depends on circumstances, but the basic idea is that you enforce the boundaries you need to prevent their behavior from affecting you. Some ideas:

  • Calmly leave the room when they start quarreling.
  • Tell them you do not want to eat with them if they regularly quarrel during meals.
  • Tell them you do not want to be drawn into their quarrels (if they try to do that). For example, refuse to listen to one complaining about the other to you.

Finally, if this does not help / is not enough, you will have to escalate. Options would be to seek some kind of professional help or counseling (for you, as you cannot force your parents to go, even if it might be good for them too), or to move out to your own apartment.

However, only you can decide what is best for you. Try to think about what you need, and try to find support where you need it.

  • You could try investing in a good pair of sound-muffling headphones (like construction workers use). Whenever they start arguing while you're trying to concentrate, put on the headphones. Nov 27 '15 at 21:17

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