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I'm really not sure what to think about my son meaning, about 5 different times in the past 2 years or so I found him texting to other boys acting as a girl and this goes on for a long time.. With some deep conversation.. My son is now 17.. I'm just trying to figure out what's happening with him, I have been there for him and I ask, but he says nothing.. I need help.. I love my son no matter what..

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    When you say "acting as a girl", is he pretending to be a completely different person, talking in a way that you interpret as more feminine, or enacting the female half of a heterosexual sex talk? – Acire Oct 16 '15 at 14:03
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There are several different explanations for this behavior:

  • He has transexual tendencies he is exploring. This doesn't necessarily mean he is transexual. Confusion about ones sexual- and gender identity is normal in that age.
  • It's an attempt to see dating from "the other side" to better understand the female psyche and how other boys try to woo girls. The goal is to become better at dating girls.
  • It's just a game to see if he can fool people into believing he is a girl. This is a completely non-sexual past-time activity.
  • It is a sexual game, but he might fantasize more about the female character he created, not about the boys who flirt with her. Don't think about it too much: the sexual fantasies of juvenile boys are versatile.

We can not tell you which one it is. There is just one person who can, and that's your son. But when he doesn't tell you, then either you've created an atmosphere where he is afraid of talking about the topic (don't feel bad about it: very few people can comfortably talk with their parents about their sexuality), or he doesn't know himself yet. Give him time to find out his gender and sexual orientation on his own and don't pressure him. When he figures it out and feels like comming out to you as transexual and/or gay, that's his decision, not yours.

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I remember when I was around 15-16 yo there were a lot of people my age creating fake accounts and chatting to friends while pretending to be a stranger, and attempting to get some private information from them. It was attempted on me, too.

Perhaps it's the same situation, but it got out of hand? The phase should've ended, but it didn't? And it escalated, since using a phone for such things is kind of... creepy.

If you suspect he's homosexual, check his computer. Find the porn folder and see what's in there. If there's none, or it's too well hidden, try to enable url logging on your home router and see which kind of porn he watches online. It'll give you the answer.

Regardless, in my opinion deceiving other people like that is not a thing a nearly grown man should do.

A word of explanation after reading the comments: I don't actually care whether he's homo or heterosexual. I am worried that he is deceiving other people for his own personal gains. Discovering that he's LGBT would be the calming, good outcome, not the other way around. Imagine, he may be breaking the law!

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    This is terrible advice. Search his computer? "It's not a thing a nearly grown man should do"? This is 2015, not 1955. – iayork Oct 16 '15 at 14:16
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    In my opinion, 17 should be old enough to have a right to privacy. The only excuse for a parent to violate the privacy of a juvenile in that age like that should be when they have good reason to believe they might be in danger or involved in criminal activity. But not because they are curious about their sexual orientation. – Philipp Oct 16 '15 at 15:03
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    Terrible advice. An LGBT kid needs extra support. To invade their privacy because you suspect they are LGBT implies that it is something to worry about/you don't approve of. This is the opposite of what you should be doing. – user14172 Oct 16 '15 at 15:51
  • You all get this wrong. I don't actually care whether he's homo or heterosexual. I am worried that he is deceiving other people for his own personal gains. Discovering that he's LGBT would be the calming discovery, not the other way around. Imagine, he may be breaking the law! – Dariusz Oct 16 '15 at 17:01

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