I grew up with my parents divorced. I was 3 when my Dad moved out, and 6 when the divorce was final. This was during the 70's, so my Mom got full custody and we saw Dad for dinner once a week. He was not involved, never came to our sports games, practices, concerts, etc. He didn't know my friends and they didn't know him.
When I got married, I took my vows seriously. I lived with a narcissistic alcoholic and stayed married for 10 years. We divorced last summer. I put up with more crap than I ever imagined would be possible. I stayed for my daughter. I wanted her life to be better than mine. I wanted her to grow up with her Dad.
Knowing that he will never put her first breaks my heart. He doesn't show up for her softball or basketball games. He skips taking her to practice on his nights and guilts her into not wanting to participate. I offer to change nights, give him more nights or whatever I can. Because I want better for her than I had.
He barely works and can't afford the gas to come pick her up. So I offer to drop her off, and pick her up. He recently got a DUI, and will be losing his license for 90 days for refusing to take the field sobriety test. So he called and asked if I would talk her out of playing basketball this season, because he wouldn't be able to come. He missed several games last season, and had a license at that time, but constantly chooses his new girlfriend over his daughter. I like the new girlfriend, so I'm not bitter about any of that.
I know that dealing with a narcissist is ridiculously difficult. I know he won't get help. I just want the best for my daughter. I don't know whether to sign her up and watch her be disappointed that he doesn't show up or save her the pain. My heart hurts for her. I'm sick of enabling him, but I do it to protect my daughter. Is it possible that I'm going about all of this in the wrong way?