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My son is 11 and I have been single with him since he was 1 aside a few short-term relationships. His nature is that he wants to please, however he is also a strong character that can ben quite controlling (a born leader).

I met my partner back at the end of October 14. He is quiet around my son, doesn't have children of his own, but has similar opinions to myself on how things should be handled, which is good. He visits at weekends.

Anyway, my problem; My son does not want him there!

His behaviour has gone from the odd huffy comment, 'Is he coming this weekend, what time is he going, can we go on our own Mum' to much ruder, answering back, refusing his dinner, storming off...

Thankfully, my partner is calm and supportive, but it does worry me it will push him away.

I've spoken to my son numerous times about how much I love him, and that having a partner that makes me happy doesn't change how much I love him. I've made a point of doing things with him alone, although he is less interested in spending time with me now, which I'm sure is age related.

I've not had this problem before, but my X had two kids which might have helped and before then my son was probably to young to express himself.

I think my son might be jealous; he see's how happy I am with my partner, we laugh, play and cuddle. I've not been like that with any X. We were careful to hide affection for the first three months and didn't share my bedroom.

To top it, my son has told my Mum that he doesn't like him about, and she has somewhat fuelled his fire rather than supporting me.

It's a really horrid situation to be in. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this or have any advise on how to handle it.

Cheers in advance :)

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    Welcome to the site - I'm confident that you will get plenty of advice, possibly some contradictory, but that's ok, just pick what fits your situation. I won't answer myself (lacking experience), but certainly others will. In the mean time, perhaps you'd like to take a tour of the site?
    – Stephie ♦
    Jun 22, 2015 at 12:52
  • Have you asked why he doesn't like him ?
    – user1450877
    Jun 22, 2015 at 12:54
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    Hi, I did, he said because he said he is loud (feet up the stairs and voice when downstairs) and wakes him up. Although, I think this is a scapegoat answer, we addressed it and are as quiet as possible. There is a chance he might have heard us er . . um . . making out. Which at his age might have made him feel un-comfortable because he told me he felt un-comfortable with him about. I'll ask him again to see if the answer has changed :)
    – Ninja636
    Jun 22, 2015 at 13:20

2 Answers 2

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I haven't been in this situation myself, however this doesn't seem at all odd to me. Your son has had you all to himself for his whole life. Sharing you is a big change, and one that may not seem like it has much personal upside.

It will probably take a lot of time for him to adjust, and your partner will definitely need to put the work in to establish his own relationship with your son. Maybe there are some fun things the three of you can do together, or even some male-oriented activities just the two of them can do together.

Ultimately you and your partner will just need to be patient with your son. If this is going to be a long-term relationship, he (your partner) will be moving into a father-like role in your family. If he's not comfortable with the challenges that represents, it's probably best to find that out sooner rather than later.

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    Thank you :) It all came out last night, I had some tears from my son. He admitted he felt pushed out.I think you hit the nail on the head with 'no personal upside'. I do need to encourage those two to build a little relationship and I will spend more time taking an interest in my son.
    – Ninja636
    Jun 23, 2015 at 12:17
  • @Ninja636 He's actually at an age where he'll probably appreciate having a male role model in his life --as long as he doesn't feel like he has to compete with that person for your attention.
    – Chris Sunami
    Jun 23, 2015 at 13:00
  • Your right. He is currently competing with negative behaviour to get my attention. Ill work it out. I have too :) Thank you for the support.
    – Ninja636
    Jun 23, 2015 at 14:24
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I can't help but wonder if - based on the change in behavior - something happened to cause it? Your post contains a lot of information about you talking to your son, but not a lot of information about your son talking to you. Do you have any reason why your son might not like him? I'm talking about a reason beyond "being loud".

Honestly a couple of solo therapy sessions for your son and then a few together might really help, plus he could have someone uninvolved in the situation to talk to. I'd just be concerned that the real reason for the change in behavior might be something that you have no idea about and the sooner you get to the bottom of it, the better.

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