My five year old daughter has been in kindergarten for a whole year. Now she is going into grade 1, but she has become a bully. This past Friday she pushed a kid off the play structure at the school. She doesn't listen to me or eat or do anything she's told to do, all year she has had problems with this girl telling her she hates her, fighting with her, etc.

I'm a single parent and she sees her dad every weekend. I'm at my wits end and dont know how should i punish her. I have taken toys and stuff away but it doesn't seem to phase her, she still continues to torment this girl.

My daughter has never been like this with other kids she has been in day care and she never had any problems with the other kids. She used to be a happy go lucky kid, very polite, and well behaved, but now it's the complete opposite. I don't know what to do anymore, suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thank-you.

  • 3
    The first problem isn't punishing the kid, it's gaining an understanding such that she respects you, listens to you, etc. Jun 7, 2015 at 17:24
  • 2
    Do you know where the dislike of the other girl comes from? Punishing her won't make her like the other girl any better and they'll continue to be at odds.
    – Erik
    Jun 7, 2015 at 19:56
  • When did she start seeing her father on weekends? Is this a recent change, or has this been the norm for quite a while? I wonder if she's acting out against other situations in her life where she feels she has no control by defying you and targeting this child in an effort to gain some control.
    – Valkyrie
    Jun 8, 2015 at 11:06
  • 1
    You should tell us why she hates that girl so much, it would help us give you a better solution.
    – the_lotus
    Jun 8, 2015 at 13:39

1 Answer 1


Good job mom for recognizing this behavior while she's so young!

I want to suggest that communication about bulling is key. Schools are doing a lot of seminars and such with the rise in school violence but shes probably a bit young for that.

I did a quick amazon search and found a lots of children's books about being yourself, teasing vs bullying and other on topic stories for all age groups. Incorporating a few books into bedtime and discussing how being bullied makes the person feel may really help. If she develops a strong sense of empathy she will be much less likely to do things to other kids that she wouldn't want done to her.

Remember kids have to learn to think about other peoples emotions, its part of normal development and a skill she probably hasn't mastered at five.

Also talk to her about why shes picking on this one girl. I bet that would be very revealing. Maybe the girl was mean to her, or she wants to be friends but felt excluded, or she feels the girl has something she doesn't. I bet your daughter hasn't really thought about the "Why?" of the picking and without knowing why shes doing it she may not be able to feel empathy for the girl and stop.

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