My son can cry all day when told no.
It's very tiring and I don't know what more to do.
Its an everyday thing with him. I try putting him in time out which is his bed and it gets worse .
He throws tantrums where he throws his blankets and screams.
asked Apr 27, 2015 at 16:55
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7Welcome to Parenting.SE! One important detail that you did not include: how old is your son? Click "edit" under your question to add that (or any other details you want to update)– AcireApr 27, 2015 at 17:07
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2Possibly related, depending on age: parenting.stackexchange.com/questions/11373/…– AcireApr 27, 2015 at 17:55
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Have you tried putting him in a corner where he cant reach anything, and letting him know he can leave as soon as he is quiet 10 whole seconds? You could possibly turn it into a game where as soon as he quiets down you start counting. (I'm not sure if this is the "proper" timeout method but it may work for extended noise making).– user7678Apr 19, 2016 at 11:34
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4 Answers
I have 2 girls and a boy ranging from 25-16. I've found offering a choice rather than a No makes them think. As aparente001 suggested, it is all in the wording. If he asks for candy you could say, "How about some raisins or grapes?" Another method I used was to turn their "want" into a goal. "You could have some raisins or grapes (or whatever you can substitute as a healthy snack/activity) now, and if you pick up your toys (or whatever it is you want done) you can have the candy tomorrow for a special treat!"
I understand at this point you are frustrated and confused at his behavior, but my oldest was stubborn, stubborn, stubborn & independent from the time she could talk about what she wanted and "needed now!". My two best weapons were distraction and positivity.
I'm guessing that he's a toddler and if you start thinking this way and using these techniques now, you will save a lot of future frustration. This also uses the things they want as rewards for taking responsibility, another important lesson to start now.
When my son was little, he didn't take time outs as a good consequence. I had to explain that it wasn't a punishment, just a chance for us to calm down and think of an answer together. We would both sit on a step and "think" of an alternative and talk when the age appropriate time was up. I then weaned him into time outs by himself by sitting on a chair in the living room nearby while he sat on the stairs, eventually I would do dishes while I was "thinking" as it was urgent for me to "get this done during my time out".
As a parent, time outs were as much for me as them as a beginning parent to give me time to consider a solution based on what I knew of my childs personality, wants and needs. I hope this helps.
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2Hi, and welcome to the site. May I suggest that you please separate your answer into paragraphs? It's a very nice answer, and it will be easier to read that way. Thanks, and again, welcome! Apr 29, 2015 at 20:26
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1No problem! I was more concerned about content and realized later how it looked. Thanks for the edit :) and the welcome! Apr 30, 2015 at 1:30
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I like this. The distraction thing is always a great way to deal with tantrums. I like to start out with an acknowledgement of the child's situation "it sounds like you're hungry" and then on to the choices "What do you like better, grapes or cheese?" May 2, 2015 at 0:08
Change the environment so you don't need to say "No" so much. Consider that for every "no" you give the child now, you will get ten times this many "NOs" back before he makes it to adulthood.
For example, if he pesters you to give him candy, and you say "no" -- the solution is, don't have any candy in the house.
So many power struggles are not healthy for him or for your relationship.
Set up lots and lots of choices. Situations where he is truly free to choose one or the other of the options. For example, "Would you like peas today and broccoli tomorrow, or broccoli today and peas tomorrow?" Or "Would you please go choose a frozen vegetable for tonight's dinner?" Or "You need to have a bath and put your lego away before our bedtime story. You get to choose which order you do them in." (Of course, the way you set it up depends on the age and maturity of the child.)
From what I've found, the only time a kid will carry on that long is because there could be a prospect of a reward at the end of it. Have you ever given in after a long tantrum like that? If so, even once, that is inadvertently teaching him that the tantrum is how you get what you want.
It is a natural thing for babies and young children to cry.
Sometimes a child will cry when it has a genuine problem or need, like being hungry or soiled. If you anticipate these needs by feeding on a set schedule and changing right away, you can eliminate or at least greatly reduce need-based crying.
Other times a child may cry for a wanton desire. For example, the child may want to eat, even though he is not really hungry. He just wants to put food in his mouth for the sake of it. Or he may want to play with something he is not allowed, and so on. It is very important to ignore such crying. If you react to wanton crying he will just do it more to get you to work for him unjustly.
Finally, a child may cry due to a complaint. To use your own example, you "put him to bed" and he is not tired so he cries and complains. Or perhaps you confine him in a crib, and he cries because he does not want to be trapped in a crib. These are legitimate cries, because by doing such things you are answering your needs, not his. If a child is crying because you are imposing on him in some way, ask yourself, "does he really need this, or am I doing this for my convenience?"
