My 12-year-old is smoking. He has been living with his father, who turns a blind eye, for just over 3 years. He will be returning to live with me shortly.
He was encouraged by his father to go and live with him since we broke up (since he was 3/4 years old). I was blamed for the break up, so there was a lot of resentment toward me. The short version to this sad situation is that he has continued to undermine any discipline and boundaries I put in place. Our relationship broke down. And for a long time he thought I didn't care, despite me asking him to come home. He has gotten into trouble with the police, drinking, smoking, and is sexually active. And his father patted him on the back - "that's my boy".
I talk through any issues with my sons, and I also understand that they're growing up and so I realise that I have to try to act accordingly. I am shocked by these recent revelations, ashamed that all this was going on, not knowing about it. I live about 50 miles away from his father. My son doesn't want to live in the city where I am, so I am looking to move back, so then he will come back to me.
If anyone can help, I would like some advise on how to deal with this please.