I have a three year old with my ex. When we separated he moved back in with his mom ( he didn't have a job, bad credit, etc... I know, I was an idiot ). These issues were a big part of our separation.
So, he now says he cannot bring the child to his moms' because she "won't let him". He sometimes pays a small amount of child support from his newly acquired part time job. This is the other reason he is unable to see her. Because he's working. Most parents work, I don't really see this as a valid reason.
Since his mother wont allow her there, he says he can only see his daughter by coming to our home. We tried this a few times, but it always resulted in him putting the moves on me and basically just causing more tension. So I said he would no longer be able to stay here to see her. If he wanted to see her, he could pick her up and take her with him.
So now he just doesn't really see her. At first I was very encouraging to him and offered to and did drive him to work as this allowed an opportunity for them to see each other.
He rarely calls to talk her, we always call him. Hes seen her for a couple of hours maybe in the past three weeks. I always thought they were very close, but he's making very little effort. I find myself listing her virtues on the phone with him like I'm trying to convince him of the merits of being involved with her. He says he wants to see her, but is not actually doing that.
Now she asks less and less about her dad. The past few times that she dId see him she was upset because she couldn't go with him and it turned into does my daddy love me? Why can't I see him etc... It obvious to me that it was very challenging for her. After a couple of days she settled back down and is happy.
So I am now beginning to think it may be better if she doesn't see him at all. Less stressful and confusing for her.
Am I obligated as a parent to try to foster a relationship between the two of them? If so, to what degree? Maybe she's just better off without the uncertainty. I would not hinder him from seeing her, but I am beginning to be reminded of " you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink.