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I'm 18 yo boy living pretty much an amazing life. Yet, I've been dealing with feeling of annoyance(sometimes anger but not as rough as the word sounds) every time(almost) I hear people talking very quitely or in a desperate way or unenthusiastically or unenergetically and so on. This has lead me to become an amazing personality in terms of productivity, achievements, attraction of people into my life or whatever you can think of related to progress. Anyway, there are some drawbacks I've noticed.

The way I was raised wasn't the kind that any child would like. Note that if you say I need to forgive my parents, do not worry I've already done this. The thing is that some memories have plunged so deep into my brain that somehwere along the line, the reactions I get from them have become just habits. Additional info.

Apparently this isn't one of the best ways to raise a child. Despite all the positives I get from being annoyed from negative people, unenthusiastic and so on I'd like to stop getting agnry at these things. Stop paying attention to them. I'm really, really trying hard but at times it's just the stupid habit I've developed. Sometimes I talk with friends, very close ones and if I hear similar sounds to the mentioned above I get angry and this way I hurt them(not physycally but by stopping being responsive(not talking or answering with few words) and taking my time to calm down). So, please community give me all the advices you can that might help me deal with this. EDIT: How can I start to relate all these annoying sounds of the talks with something that would make me feel if not good at least nothing? How can I stop recalling all these memories from my childhood(note when I hear smb talking it's just happening on a subconscious level, I don't visualize anything in front of me or smth, it just happens under my lowest layers of my thought)?

P.S. And parents... please think before you punish your kid! With me things aren't that serious but if I didn't find the strength to deal with this, I'd have become very destructive by now. I'd say you can always find a way to make your child do smth by treats and making him/her interested in the certain activity. Never tend to punish them! Never shout at them, trust me although they might not show it, it kind of stays deep down burried in their minds.

Update1: Here is why I don't go to therapists for now. The cons are many more, just these are some of the few that help you get the idea.

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    I'm really sorry to hear your parents treated you like that, and it's good that you want to try to deal with your triggers. Being reminded, even unconsciously, of abuse can be very hard. Have you talked to a therapist about the problems?
    – Acire
    Commented Mar 15, 2015 at 21:32
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    Two years ago I went a few times to the school's one only to find out that she is even more average than my parents. The ones I can afford are so deep down into the mud that if I go there I will become worse. They do everything like they read it exactly from some book and it;s totally noticable. The good ones know their worth and currently if I get the money to go to one of them I risk spending all my savings just for a few sessions and then being dependent on my parents which is the thing I'm trying to avoid currently.
    – Zen-Ventzi-Marinov
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 2:36
  • @VentsislavMarinov What are your expectations of therapy outcomes, especially those gained in just "few" visits? Have you actually seen someone you consider to be a "good" one to draw comparisons against, or is this just your guess? Supposing cost was no issue, what would you hope to gain from a "good" therapist? I'm not saying therapy is your only answer, but I do think it's not going to be an effective option if you're going into it with such an antagonistic mindset.
    – user11394
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 5:24
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    Anyway, I'm sure the community would love to help you, but the current question is a little broad and not clearly on topic. You're asking "What should I do?" essentially, which isn't a parenting question. However, your title implies you want to ask about counteracting the long-term effects of parental punishment. If you can make your question more explicitly on-topic it would really help us to help you!
    – user11394
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 5:29
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    @VentsislavMarinov Have you actually been to see anyone other than a school counselor or a psychology teacher? Those are not trained medical professionals and shouldn't have any influence on your opinion to see licensed mental health practitioner. Unfortunately, your edit didn't really make this on topic. The link to parenting is still tenuous at best, and your question really says to me that you'd benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy, which is something a trained professional could help with.
    – user11394
    Commented Mar 17, 2015 at 3:45

1 Answer 1

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Yes, you are absolutely correct,Marinov.I often see parents who just hit their kids just because they didn't score well in academics, or watched t.v. for an extra 2 hours, or well, dropped icecream on the carpet.
I believe it's not the child who is doing anything wrong, its just their own distress that makes them take it out on their kids.
Slowly an gradually, the kid starts to become agitated and unreactive to their parents and then they wonder what's wrong with their son/daughter.why is he/she acting weird? we love him/her so much.

Now, as you said you get positivity from getting annoyed of negative people.
In my opinion, you somehow relate those negative people to your own past-self(when you weren't able to cope, you were in much more distress) and then it makes you feel better that you are not as much like your past-self now and you are progressing now.
If you see it that way, then I think that's not much of a bad thing because you are only getting inspired by your own progress as compared to earlier.
Also, if you feel positive by the unenthusiasm of other people I suggest -

  • You USE that positivity to help them overcome their current insecurities and help them instead trying to build their enthusiasm.

Benefits? You will feel confident about yourself knowing that you can really be helpful to people. I know we always doubt this thing subconsciously that "How could helping others give me joy and peace? I mean to help them I would have to spend time with them and hear them yabba-yabba their problems"

It's one of those universal rules that we cannot deny, cannot explain and only feel. When you help a person with their problem and in return all you get is a sincere and pure "Thanks".
That's all you need to let your soul know that you are something more and you mean so much to this world and to humanity.

  • Now if i read it correctly, you get angry when people repeat stuff(making same old sounds, talking about same things everyday) In a way, you get angry with their habits. A habit is a repetition right? So you are repeatedly annoyed by what they do repeatedly.

I really believe that is an issue with all of us.we get annoyed with things that we don't like and when those things repeat again and again. Well, fights and quarrel, take birth.

  • what to do about this?

See I or any person in this world cannot imagine what you might be going through.It's you who have to feel the pain, make stuff happen everyday and fight your own negativities.

But, don't fight it.Whenever a thought comes in your mind that is Unpleasant, don't fight that thought, the more you fight it, the more it's going to bother you.Just accept that thought even if it's completely false or bulls**t to be exact.

Our thoughts make up our world.

Its a human that thinks in his mind that the people in the next room are going to laugh at him the minute he enters, but its just in his mind, he created that.

I'm sitting with my girlfriend on the couch and I'm wondering "Is she uncomfortable being in the same room with me?" and before I know it Iam actually making her uncomfortable when she was perfectly fine being with her Lovely, handsome chocolaty boyfriend, that's me, lol.

Anyway, Dont fight it, please remember.

Also, that habit thing.Let me try and do that italic thing.
The less frequent you spend time with them (the people with habits that make you angry) the less you will get angry by them, slowly you will loose that irritation and once you do, you can always meet them more often

  • start working on what you are really good at.

  • try and be in a room by your own for sometime.Give yourself rest(Don't sleep!) from all the conversations and life and this issue and that guy and those girls and all that. Meditate with open eyes, accept your thoughts.

  • eat light food, less food.Eat to merely fill your stomach and not to satisfy your desires.(Yes, food is relevant.It affects your mind greatly)

get out of this, I know you can.Have a strawberry icecream (Hey, Iam a guy and I like those)

All the best!

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  • This is exactly what is happening! I get annoyed or angry from unenergetic and so on(already described) talks. But if these talks are accompanied by stupid topics(repetative, neiter real conclusions nor positives) then it really gets bad. I get inspired to work harder over myself but meanwhile the very thing that is helping me(the anger or the annoyance) is driving me crazy. Anyway I really like the last advices, really! Will take into consideration, definately!
    – Zen-Ventzi-Marinov
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 10:20
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    Iam glad I could help.Also, I recommend you not go to any therapists, it will further make you dependent on others to solve your own problems.Experiment with yourself, help others and sleep right too. Take care, man.
    – Freedom_side
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 10:30
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    REALLY, REALLY agree! I've noticed that when I take care of a problem on my own sometimes it might not get better immediatelly but when it does it does long term. And also somehow gives me more confidence that I can cope with any problems that occur in my life on my own and not to depend on others. A simple examle is I once I got very angry at smth went to ask for advice my gf. THen next time same thing happend I got angry first :D and then knew that she is going to help me again and went again. All of this until I coped with the problem on my own.
    – Zen-Ventzi-Marinov
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 10:43
  • There's a quite big difference in how you wrote your question and how you wrote your comment(moodwise).Keep that joy steady.
    – Freedom_side
    Commented Mar 16, 2015 at 11:26

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