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My daughter has been spending a lot of time with her new boyfriend, to the point it is making her other friends uncomfortable. While I had told my daughter as long as she could be responsible and mature about it, it appears it may not be going that way. I am just trying to figure out the best way to dial it back a bit, if possible.

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    If I had time right now, I'd offer a full answer that basically expands on these main points: Set clear boundaries, with clear consequences if those boundaries are crossed. Be prepared to decrease limitations over time so that you may both exercise trust. Make sure you've had "the talk" about sexual activity and safety. – user11394 Mar 10 '15 at 20:16
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    Are you asking how to limit her sexual encounters, or how to help her be more responsible and mature about it? – Joe Mar 10 '15 at 21:27
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    Define 'inappropriate', please... we might associate different things with the term. – Stephie Mar 11 '15 at 6:53
  • Yes, too vague to get really useful answers I'm afraid. I will say that a red flag went up when you wrote "as long as she could be responsible and mature about it". If that's really the way you phrased it to her, note that "being mature" could be (intentionally or otherwise) misconstrued by a teenager as "do what adults do". (See again: vague.) – Jeff Y Dec 20 '15 at 17:22
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Talk to her about your concerns. Explain sex to her and make sure she understands the dangers of pregnancy and how to prevent it.

You might not be able to stop her but you'll probably feel better knowing that she's using protection

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It's unclear to me what you mean with "to the point it is making her other friends uncomfortable", especially as your title talks about inappropriate behavior. However, a few general pointers:

  • Make sure your daughter knows about sex, protection against pregnancy and protection against sexuality transmitted diseases. This might include helping her find a doctor to prescribe birth control, for example. Or letting her order condoms to be shipped to her. From your question, you don't seem to be completely opposed to her having sex at this age, as long as she is mature about it. Looks like you have a good communication basis there, keep it open :-)
  • Make sure your daughter knows about laws regarding sex in your area. Where I am, sex between two 14 year olds is legal, it might be not be where you are, and this is especially important to know if one of the partners is older than the other. In some jurisdictions, there are laws that define sex between partners that are underage and have an age difference of two or more years as statuary rape
  • Make it clear to hear what your expectations are in regards to what can happen in your house. Are you okay with him sleeping over? Do you require them to leave the door open when they are in her room? Do you want her to only see him after a certain time on weekends so as to not interfere with schoolwork?
  • You might want to mention to her that physical display of affection in public is not always appropriate - if it made a friend uncomfortable, I am however of the opinion that this friend can voice that themselves. If it makes you uncomfortable, you need to voice that, though in that case it would be helpful for them to have some privacy where they can express these needs (in her room, for example)
  • Does she also spend time with other friends without her boyfriend? I believe that it is always important for people to have some kind of hobbies outside of a partnership. However, as you are her parent, this might be difficult to raise without being seen as nagging or somehow disapproving of her partner. Encourage activities other than "hanging out with my boyfriend" if you can, keeping in mind that this is now also a part of her life. If her friends are getting concerned and you are being aware of that, that's a sign that this is getting an issue. Depending on your relationship with your daughter, maybe you can plan some activities that only involve her and her friends.

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