My son is going on 5 and starting to learn a lot about how we're created. I've been with my husband for 10 years, but nearly 6 years ago I had no other choice but to move 1000 miles away and after trying the long distance thing it didn't work so we split up.
I ended up going through a rough patch and started dating an abusive jerk. After a year I was pregnant. He threatened me trying to force me to have an abortion and I refused. His grandmother was chief of police and he scared me into moving back to Florida.
Eventually, when I was 4 months along in my pregnancy my husband and I picked up right where we left off. He loved me so much and accepted our son as if he was his own and has done an amazing job at raising him.
He enrolled in college while I was pregnant, got us a house and went above and beyond to care for us both (as after giving birth I became very ill due to rare brain and spine conditions). I've always tried to do right by my son. Since day one, even while with my husband, I tried to keep the sperm donor involved. But he wanted no part of his son.
My husband stepped up when the biological father refused. The biological father would pretend that he cared, only to tell me he never cared about him anyway and was just trying to manipulate me into stopping child support (which I did anyway after the first year: I felt it wasn't right to take his money when my son had a dad who loved, supported and wanted him from the beginning).
This is a very long story so I'll try and make it not so much of a novel. The sperm donor has made it very clear he wants nothing ever to do with my son. My husband has been Dad since the moment my son entered this world. I've always planned to tell my son as early as possible. I think now, or in a few years, it won't be as hard on him compared to us telling him when he's a teen and who knows how he'd handle it.
I just don't know what to do. We have an extremely happy loving family. My son adores his dad. We never argue, we have a very happy non-dysfunctional marriage. I just feel we have a very special family. But I refuse to lie to my son. What if we wait and someone else maliciously tells him? Or if, when he's older and finds out, he spirals out of control?
I'm so confused, I just want to do the right thing and desperately need advice. Especially from others who have been through similar circumstances. We're planning on meeting with therapists and I guess child development specialists, if someone could also point me in the right direction for what type of doctor is best suited in this situation.
Also my son is very happy. He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I've been worrying over this for 5 years and really need some answers!