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I admit I did not do well at my first year of exams at A level... but I have changed it around and I am working so much harder than I have ever done! I also have a girlfriend who I see once a weekend and still I try and get work in on the days I see her. I say during the school week I would do an extra 2 and a half 3 hours of work when I get home at 6.

My parents do not believe I do any work no matter how many times I show them the hours of work I have been doing.... Now they are limiting the time I am allowed to spend with my girlfriend even though it doesn't affect the time I would be doing work anyway.

I know they want to do what is best for me but them not believing me and then taking it out on my relationship is stressing me out and I feel if they don't let me have the freedom to do my own work my own way and also have down time with my girlfriend, I will have a complete and utter break down. It is constant, if they aren't telling me to do work whilst I am present (I've come downstairs to get a drink, snack ect.), then my mum will be getting my dad on the phone...

I don't know what to do...

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  • How are you actually doing academically? I mean now, rather than before. If you're now doing well then you could use that to demonstrate to your parents that you are actually working hard enough.
    – A E
    Commented Jan 3, 2015 at 21:39
  • Well couple A*s in homeworks and a mock test and a B in the end of module test in biology which I had completely failed last year so its pretty good or decent. And I did tell them this I showed them.
    – Ben
    Commented Jan 3, 2015 at 21:45
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    That sounds pretty good. Are there any other issues around trust between you and your parents that could be affecting things? When you were doing not-as-much work before, were you honest with them about that, or did you tell them then that you were working hard? They may just need a little time to get used to the fact that you now really are truly working much harder than you were.
    – A E
    Commented Jan 3, 2015 at 21:49
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    I felt I was working hard and I said I was, but I guess I was just not working hard enough, the step up between the year 12 and year 11 was massive and I think I just kept at the year 11 pace as I did well with my GCSEs. So yeah maybe they don't trust me due to that.
    – Ben
    Commented Jan 3, 2015 at 21:53
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    Cultural note: "A levels" are taken by children who have left school and who are now in 6th Form or Further Education college. Ages from 16 to 18. Good marks at A levels are needed to go onto University from age 18 to 21.
    – DanBeale
    Commented Jan 3, 2015 at 23:20

2 Answers 2

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Demonstrate to your parents that you are behaving responsibly. Do this by creating a reasonable timetable. The time table includes all your lessons; it includes the work you do at home; it includes the time you spend doing chores (and now might be a good time to start doing those if you haven't done so already!); and it includes your relaxation time. You also need to note the dates of your exams or coursework dates.

Alongside that timetable keep a list of work that needs to be done. Include space so you can make notes about it. Cross out each piece as it's done.

EG: "English: write 1,000 words about themes in This Book. I read the book; I high lighted the bits I want to use; I've done my brainstorm to plan the work; I've written my rough outline; I've started the draft (about 400 words); I meed to finish the draft, proof-read it and edit it."

You mention "breakdown". It's important to look after your mental health. Find someone that you can chat to about it. If things do start getting too much you can talk to your GP and this is confidential. They can offer a variety of options (although things are very limited if you're under 18).

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  • Even a school counselor or one of the teachers would be a useful resource. But use the same approach with them that you would with the parents. Not sure how much grief that would cause... some educators take things into their own hands and start contacting parents.
    – Brian Robbins
    Commented Jan 5, 2015 at 14:45
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In addition to the good suggestions made by DanBeale I would say this.

At present your parents feel they have to nag you to get anything done while you feel that nothing you do will ever be enough to get them off your back. The problem is that both of you are right.

To get out of this cycle you should sit down with your parents and ask them exactly what they expect from you, and how you will show them that you have done it. Once their expectations and yours are out on the table you can have an adult-adult conversation about it and come to an agreement rather than the parent-child nagging that you have at present.

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