I'm almost 15 years old and my father frequently physically and verbally abuses me. My being chinese certainly has a factor in this, but since I live in Texas, it is not legal. Usually it is for disciplinary purposes, but he has such a tight hold, that if I even watch a YouTube during a weeknight, he will begin to beat me. He usually hits me in the head, so that my hair will cover the bruises. Any help on stopping him? I don't want to call the police or CPS because I know he just wants to help me, even if his methods are extremely unorthodox in the current age. I only want to stop the beatings since the verbal abuse is easily endurable.
I cannot give you legal advice, for that I must say to consult a lawyer. However, I know that at 15yo (the age of my daughter), that such a statement is meaningless. Furthermore, as a natural American, I do not know the cultural requirements implied by being Chinese and in America.
That said, in America you have 2 choice as far as I know:
Speak with your father and work on a mutually agreeable and non-violent solution. This is most definitely the preferred solution.
If communication does not prevent violence then your only other options are to seek exit by family or by law. If by law, they will either try to place you with related family or if that is not available in a "home" of some sort -- some better than others.
This is an impossible choice you have been given and one that has consequences lasting far beyond your youth, so I highly recommend consulting your own family for advice as they will taken into account cultural issues and options you have not expressed here because you may not know them.
I wish you the best and hope that option #1 is what ends up providing the solution!
Another option that is not very satisfying, but may still be the least bad of several bad options: follow his unreasonable rules to avoid the beatings, keep out of trouble, try to do exceptionally well in school, and when you graduate from high school and turn 18, move out, never depend on him or put yourself in a physically vulnerable position again, and (optionally) never see him again.
You should recognize that in the grand scheme of your life, the time period in which he can control you is short and rapidly running out, and then you'll be free. When you're 30, you truly won't care that you didn't watch YouTube videos on school nights when you were 15. Console yourself by imagining the day when you have kids and you get to tell him that he cannot be alone with them because he beat you when you were a kid, and you won't allow that to happen to your child.
I'm basing this on your statement that it's all bearable except for the beatings which are almost always because of breaking rules (unreasonable though they may be). It pains me to make the recommendation, but it may be the strategy that messes your life up the least.
This is going to get downvoted to hell, but I'm going to post it anyway, since the accepted answers are "Dad, please stop beating me" (unlikely to hurt, but does anybody here really think that will work?) or "Call in CPS" (and end up in a foster home that's highly likely to be worse), both of which are vaguely ridiculous.
You're 15, and per your username, I suspect you're male. You're thus likely physically roughly as strong as your father, and if you're not, you can be with a bit of exercise.
So the next time he starts beating you, physically restrain him from doing so. Grab his arms, pull his arms behind his back, wrestle him to the floor, whatever it takes (within reason). This will a) prevent you from getting beaten this time, b) make it much less likely that he'll try again, and c) send an extremely clear message that you're not a little kid he can push around anymore.
Now you're likely to get some pretty severe backlash for disrespecting your elders etc, but as long as you stay cool and don't let this escalate into a pub brawl, you will have the upper hand morally and physically. Good luck! And here's hoping you don't end up in a "troubled teen" boot camp.
You don't need to contact the police directly yourself. Talk to a teacher, or student counselor, and tell them what's happening. They will help you with the next steps.
On your own you cannot stop your father from beating you, and anything you try will make it worse. In this situation you need outside help.
Don't worry about the outcome for your father. This is not your problem. Worry only about doing what you need to do to protect yourself.
Ask your mother to protect you from his violent attacks. If she doesn't, report him to the police. Assault is illegal. Also seek out charities that can give you psychotherapy to help you undo some of the inevitable damage his physical and emotional violence will have done to your sense of self.
As a 35 year old who was repeatedly attacked by my father as a child and a teenager, I can tell you that the longer you allow him to do this, the more harm will come to you in the long run, and the more difficult it will be to fix the psychological problems that accumulate as a result.
Defend yourself. Demand protection from him. Imagine how much you would want to protect someone else if you saw them being attacked, and now apply this courage and compassion to yourself.
What about stop watching Youtube? If you stop watching YT and the problem continues then you can do what the others recommend. I would first talk to your family members and try to solve it there. If this is not simply possible to solve within your family you need to get him help. He is the one who can't manage his own anger and need to get counseling or some kind of mental treatment.
I'm sure he feels frustrated that you constantly misbehave by watching YT. He has his own problems and this just adds up to his frustration. But of course, he shouldn't physically beat you but choose different kind of punishment that is more productive. What about taking away your cell-phone? Or maybe just down-grade your phone to something that can only dial numbers.
protected by Community♦ Oct 22 '17 at 14:03
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