My father is a very demanding person, to the point of being unreasonable a lot of the time IMO. But lately it has been getting worse and I feel like i just don't have the energy to deal with it because it all seems so petty.
I am married with two children, a 4 year old and a 3 month old We live about 2 hours away from him. Most of the disagreements we have are about him being able to see our children, basically he can see them whenever he wants but he demands that we take them down there to see him, which is difficult because of the distance. He is divorced from my mother, who sees the children more often because she lives closer.
Some specific examples of his behavior I have a problem with are:
when our youngest son was born he had a serious heart condition that needed several risky operations. We choose to stay in hospital with him in case anything went wrong, so we could say good bye. During this time my eldest son was being looked after by my mother because it was the easiest and most convenient option at the time. My father took this as some sort of personal insult that we didn't let him look after our eldest son and actually phoned me to discuss it with me which I thought was very selfish and inconsiderate of him considering what we were going through at the time.
when we came out of hospital my father wanted my eldest son to go and spend a couple of days with him. We didn't think it was a good idea because he had already been away from us for two weeks and we didn't want him to be insecure or feel pushed out by the new baby. It might have felt like we were sending him away. So we told my father that he would be able to visit only after a couple of months had passed when he was on summer holiday from school. In response to this my father wrote me a letter accusing me of wanting to punish him by stopping him from seeing his grandson.
He asks us to go down there at short notice, this causes two problems. The drive down there causes my significant neck and back pain and usually triggers a migraine which will stay with me all weekend. I have a very stressful job and I need to relax to be in any fit state to go to work the following week, taking a 4 year old and a newborn away for the weekend i find very stressful and does not allow me the time I need to decompress. So when i refuse to go he asks me why I don't want to go and see him, I do not know how to respond to that because it isn't that I don't want to see him just that we have other things that have to be the priority.
He instant messages me at work and if i don't respond almost immediately he will ask me why I am obviously ignoring him. I answer him when I can, but my main responsibility is to do my work and I cannot always answer him right away.
Am I being unreasonable? If not, how can I get him to see that his behavior is inappropriate and to back off?