How do I deal with my out of control 3-year-old?

Question

My son will be 4 in a month, and he is very aggressive toward his brothers. He hits, kicks, bites them and takes their toys. He screams at my 1-year-old constantly when he touches anything or sometimes for no reason. He screams at my 7-year-old until he gives up a toy he didn't want until someone else was playing with it. He often even screams and points his finger at me with a mean look on his face. When he's not screaming at us he constantly whines.

I have tried so many things to stop this angry behavior including taking him to a psychologist and therapy but nothing has worked. I tried to get a behavioral therapist but for a year now I've been getting turned down for any services. He runs our house and causes fights with everyone.

How do I stop his mean, aggressive and whiny behavior so we can have a happy home?

Answer 1

You mention therapy - what did the therapist say?

I know of a similar case with a 4yo, and it was all based on jealousy toward the new baby. No longer was he the little one who got priority attention. He now had to compete on unequal terms and felt powerless against this inequality.

The recommended solution was to give lots of positive attention to the 4yo. The natural reaction on the screaming and kicking is to scream back, to meet force with force -- but meeting it with empathy and love was a lot more effective.

In practical terms, this meant that whenever there was a situation, bear hugs and kisses were administered. Didn't always work, but it helped.