depression is affecting my parenting, work and I'd like to move city

Question

I'm a single parent, two kids 14 & 12. no family (I'm a single child orphan, from my late teens) to help with support. I get no help (financial or otherwise) from my former partner who was removed from the family by the police and cps. I'm finding it a struggle to manage home, and the children. Things like keeping it all clean and tidy. Supporting them going to school, even making them food. Work is a struggle too, balancing getting them to school and then being at my desk. I'm not enjoying work anymore, I find my colleagues difficult and the third party suppliers even more difficult and redundancies are looming. I could easily give more examples, but I'll limit it to that. In a nutshell I have little motivation. Also I see how this affects the children as my 14yo is also suffering from depression (there has been CAMHS involvement - but she refuses therapy now)

I find myself trapped, there are few jobs in the town I live in, the area is not very pleasant and the children's school isn't very good.

I'd like to find another job, in a different city, but by the end of the day and I have some free time (or any free time), I find myself sitting staring vacantly and not doing anything.

If anyone has been in a similar situation and have made that kind of lock, stock and barrel change, under similar circumstances.

How did you break it down into smaller more manageable things to make it happen?

Answer 1

Disclaimer:

I can't speak wholly to making this kind of change with children in tow, though teenagers should be able to handle it. Additionally, when I did this the two times I have (one went spectacularly well, the other less so) I did not have children with me - However, my partner and I are currently in the process of planning a large cross-country move without support and with our two children.

Answer:

To make a big move with minimal you have to plan considerably and be prepared for the unexpected. There are mandatory things you must have and some should be lined up before moving others very shortly after moving.

To make a cross-country or international move the following things are mandatory requirements:

• Savings - Before moving - Save enough money to survive without income for up to 6 months in the new location at a minimum. Should things go wrong, this will be your lifeline to remain afloat.
• Job - Before moving - This cannot be a waitress at Arby's type job, it needs to make enough to reimburse the costs of the move and generate income required for housing, transportation, and food. Depending on what you currently do for work or qualifications you have it could be possible to have this job cover the relocation costs in full or part.
• Housing - Before moving - This is fairly obvious, you need somewhere that you and your kids can live. When moving to an unknown area (cross-country or international) I would recommend renting until you have a better idea of where you want to set roots.
• Transport - Before first day of work, though ASAP - This could be public transport if it is reliable and runs where and when you need it, but a cheap car has always been a better alternative for me. If you are considering public transportation research it fully to ensure it meets your needs and calculate costs (factor double these costs in to your savings amount also as if something goes wrong you will find yourself traveling more).

These are your base requirements for survival - food, shelter, transport - so long as these are adequately covered at the beginning you will have time to settle in properly.

Things to think about before moving:

• Cost of living - Research where you are moving to and compare it to where you are moving from. Things like the cost of groceries, car taxes & registration costs, income taxes, and rental costs & fees. This will help you in determining the compensation you are going to require from the job you should get. This also helps identify how much money should be saved prior to the move.
• Crime rates - This is helpful in determining what neighborhoods you are going to want to look in for housing.
• Schools - Identify the schools your children would attend should you move to a particular neighborhood and if they may be a good fit for your children.
• Average income - This will help with knowing if the job market you are entering would be enough to cover the expenses and continued living costs.
• Resources - You mention in the comments that you are currently receiving medical treatment, ensure the area you are moving to can support continuation of that treatment. Find groups that can help with building a support network and friendship group. Find groups or activities that you and your children can participate in to build a support network. Find what institutions can provide aid should something happen (food banks etc.)

Even with all of this planned out, be prepared for it to fail and what you will do in the event that it does. Hope for the best, plan for the worst as every parent should.