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My 3-year-old daughter has been going to nursery for a year now. We live in Denmark.

Her clothes began disappearing in the day care (first a dress, then a jacket). And she was saying the name of one of the kids. This kid also behaves very weird towards my daughter. I observed it while leaving my daughter in the morning. Even I am 20 cm away from my daughter she was trying to pinch her. My wife told me the same.

Like 3 weeks ago our shoes disappeared. My daughter said it is the same kid again. We asked some of the teachers to ask this kid if she knows anything, but for privacy reasons the teachers didn't talk with the kid. They looked around the nursery for 1 week and finally today we asked another teacher who talked with the kid. And it turns out our shoes were in her home confirmed by her mother. I suspect that other missing stuff is also in their place.

What I worry about is that my daughter is having a hard time in the nursery. Today, the same kid also poured sand from a big box all over her hair. Even she is 3 since she is multilingual (my wife and I are from different countries and we are living in another country) and can't speak yet, I am worried that makes her an easy target since she can't explain it to her teachers yet. What I am trying to teach my daughter is to say "stop" loudly. And if it still goes on, I want her to tell her teachers.

Do you have any suggestions about how I can be sure my daughter is not having some hard time in nursery? Or and any suggestion I how to ask for other missing clothes? Should I speak with teachers specifically about this particular child and their relation with my daughter?

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  • @Cascabel Having any CCTV like devices anywhere in Denmark would be really strange. I wouldn't let any of my children near a daycare that had them.
    – Clearer
    Commented Jun 12, 2019 at 9:10

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Any suggestion I should ask for other missing cloths? Should I speak with teacher specifically this particular child and their relation with my daughter?

You've discovered that another child from your daycare is taking your child's items home with them. The mother of the other child has confirmed the missing shoes at least are at their home. At this point, I would ask the mother of the other child to return the missing items. Regardless I would talk to the teachers at the daycare that one of their children is taking items home that don't belong to them. A 3-year-old child might be too young to fully understand stealing, but the teachers and the parents of the other child should know better. Furthermore, there should be consequences for stealing. If you don't reach resolution with the other parent and the teachers, I would suggest cutting your loss and finding a new daycare with more responsible teachers.

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  • I would have upvoted but for this "Furthermore, there should be consequences for stealing.". The child thief, is precisely a child and a toddler at that, and should not be punished by the school. I am, however, puzzled by child's mother's behaviour. She appears to be indifferent.
    – Mari-Lou A
    Commented May 24, 2019 at 10:36
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    @Mari-LouA A consequence isn't always a punishment. I think at the very least it should discussed with the child that their action is wrong and hurts the other child. I wouldn't do any other punishment at this point, because the child doesn't understand what is a right behavior from a wrong behavior.
    – jcmack
    Commented May 24, 2019 at 16:54
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Have you considered holding the nursery responsible? Ultimately, they are. You leave your daughter in their care. You aren't dropping her off for free play time. You expect the workers there to pay attention to the children. All of them. Your daughter included.

Take a picture of your child when you drop her off each day. If she is missing articles of clothing when you pick her up, send the photo to the director (boss). Let them know that if the item(s) are not returned, you will expect them to be replaced.

Your child is not voluntarily giving these items away. If the workers are turning a blind eye to what's happening, then they are allowing it to happen. The best way to put a stop to all of it is to get the boss involved. When the boss watches the teachers/workers, the workers will pay more attention to what is going on with your daughter.

A general rule of thumb is to go up the ladder of the organization. If you ask a worker and get no satisfaction, ask their boss. If the boss does not deliver results, go to their supervisor. Keep going up the ladder with your complaint. Eventually you will find someone who will make it right.

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  • Since this is Denmark, the social context doesn't really allow it. If he did do this, he should be willing to take on a lot of conflict, that his initial question doesn't suggest he's able to do. The boss might deal with this the right way, but there's absolutely no guarantee that things won't just get a whole lot worse.
    – Clearer
    Commented Jun 12, 2019 at 8:58

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