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I have a sister 8 years younger than me (18) years old. My Mom and I have always tried to do the best for her and support her, however she is really rude to all my family members. She doesn't respect anyone when she has been upset by her friends or at school - she shouts at home and uses vulgar words.

My mom is always on her side and tells us not to reply to her and be nice to her because she is a nervous girl. I always try but now I have had enough. She even says bad words to me in front of others and when I complain she stops talking to all family members and goes and chats with her friends, which leads to my mom fighting with me, sometimes ending up with mom threatening us that she will leave us.

Please help me, as this atmosphere is killing me. I am an emotional girl and I can't see how my sister breaks the trust relationships in my family.

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  • Emma - I have tried to edit your question for readability, but I'm still having trouble understanding what the actual question you have is - "How to deal with my sister" is incredibly broad. Is it the vulgar language, is it the attitude, etc. Can you clarify please.
    – Rory Alsop ♦
    Commented Feb 8, 2016 at 8:06
  • Question or no question she needs help, from what I see it is already in further stages. Plus she is taking it all on herself.
    – Nachmen
    Commented Feb 8, 2016 at 9:04
  • Nachmen - yes, but we do need to know what the question is, otherwise this could be a duplicate, or too broad.
    – Rory Alsop ♦
    Commented Feb 8, 2016 at 14:06
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    She is the baby, so though it is bad for your sister's development, mom can't not over-protect her. You were likely as much as a b-word at that age. We all were. You are 18, so at the end of the year, join the Navy and see the world. Get some freedom, travel, and see the world. Get some college paid for and vet status. When you are out of the house, and away doing fun things then you will move from oppressor in your sister's economy back to "the cool one" - unless you over-stay your welcome.
    – EngrStudent
    Commented Feb 14, 2016 at 18:50

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This is a hard one but I think I might get what you're saying. I am an older sister with a younger sister who I feel takes advantage of our mother. I am now 38 and she is 36. I have always been independent and even when times were tough, I made it through. However, my little sister is still living at home, has our mother raising her daughter and has taken over the house. Needless to say, it makes me furious to watch, hear and be around.

My sister is a manipulative, mean person...to everyone. I remember trying to get my mother to see it and put her foot down, it got me now where and only caused drama between us. My mother started to push ME away, not my sister.

So here is what I've learned for my personal situation. Get over it. Let it go. Yes, it sucks, but it is your mothers choice and she is her daughter. You need to deal with YOU. Not your sister, not your mother, not the entire family. Just YOU. Take care of yourself, find a way to cope with the situation (meditation, yoga, reading, get a hobby) but LET IT GO. It is not your job or responsibility to "mother your sister" by trying to control the situation. You have a choice when there is a fight or drama. You can get pulled into it, create it or walk away. It's not worth the walls it will build. She's 10 years old...what she is doing is mostly normal. Annoying and upsetting, but normal for her age.

And think about it this way, how do you think it makes your mother feel when your sister is upset and you are upset...at her. I'll tell you how she feels, like crap. As the eldest child she needs you to be supportive, kind, understanding and maybe take her our for lunch or a movie now and then. Not a lecture on parenting...you're not a parent. I have this awful image of an 18 year old young WOMEN whining to her mommy about her 10 year old baby sister...not cool. Not cool at all. Why are you letting a 10 year old upset you that much? You're legally a grown women now. Let it go and be thankful that you can get up and leave when ever you like. Your sister is still 8 years away from that. You're the lucky one :)

Best of luck either way and remember, your freakin 18...go HAVE FUN!!!!

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  • I read is as the sister was 18 and the OP was 26ish.
    – Aravis
    Commented Feb 24, 2016 at 16:14

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