Timeline for Get around peer's mind games gracefully
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
7 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Oct 9, 2020 at 12:23 | comment | added | Ralph Bolton | I really like this answer. I wonder if also, it's worth teaching him to consider others (ie. the things you wish his friend knew). That way, he can see in her actions that she's not "playing fair" and it's time for him to walk away. Again, it goes towards "naming" things, which requires recognition of what they are so that you can act accordingly. | |
| Oct 8, 2020 at 13:57 | comment | added | Meg | Either way, the strategy is to stand up for himself non-violently at the onset of teasing or toy-stealing, not to tolerate it until the point of losing control and acting out aggressively. This is also true of adults, an important relational skill is to address problems as they come, rather than seethe for ages until you reach the last straw, snap and implode the relationship (and look like a crazy person who just ended their marriage/friendship/etc over a trifle). It still also helps if you have a close eye on this and don't allow her to harass him until he reaches the point of biting. | |
| Oct 8, 2020 at 8:48 | comment | added | David | If I knew more about game theory I would formulate their relationship in terms of the theory and ask what strategy my son should play. The strategy should avoid being manipulated into aggression and not always to give up his position (a toy or whatever moreover if we know that giving the toy up does not help as the next toy he plays with attracts her interest as well). | |
| Oct 8, 2020 at 5:33 | comment | added | user21820 | I'm with @I'mwithMonica on this. The child is not malicious in any usual sense of the word, but is manipulative in the precise sense that she has learnt and is deliberately using the most effective ways of annoying him. This is exactly the same way some young children get what they want by throwing public tantrums. If this behaviour is not stopped early, you may get worse problems in the future. | |
| Oct 7, 2020 at 22:30 | comment | added | I'm with Monica | I am willing to agree that the behaviour is not with malice aforethought, but I am not willing to put it off as "poor impulse control". As much as a three-year-old does anything intentionally, this is probably intentionally, too.Humans are pattern recognition machines. And there probably is a pattern: Child teases competitor for commodity, competitor escalates to violence, competitor gets removed by parents: child wins use of commodity. - It is extremely frustrating and feels unfair to be in the role of the outsmarted competitor here. It destroys trust in parents, if they fall for this, ever. | |
| Oct 7, 2020 at 11:13 | comment | added | Martijn | +1 for the last paragraph. The world isnt always a friendly place, learning to deal with that is a valueable skill. | |
| Oct 6, 2020 at 17:31 | history | answered | Meg | CC BY-SA 4.0 |