Timeline for How to address a child having a racist friend?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
27 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| S Feb 28, 2018 at 22:46 | history | suggested | Malady | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
Spelling Fix
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| Feb 28, 2018 at 19:33 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Feb 28, 2018 at 22:46 | |||||
| Sep 12, 2017 at 23:19 | comment | added | gnasher729 | Racism is often stupid. In this case, ask your child to check the price of chicken next time they go to a supermarket. And then ask them to check out the price of dogs or cats. Where would a chinese restaurant get the animals from? I can buy all kinds of meats that would seem frightening to a child (ostrich, kangoroo, buffalo, anything), and all these meets have one thing in common: They are expensive. | |
| S Sep 5, 2017 at 19:20 | history | bounty ended | Farewell Stack Exchange | ||
| S Sep 5, 2017 at 19:20 | history | notice removed | Farewell Stack Exchange | ||
| Sep 5, 2017 at 16:31 | answer | added | Becuzz | timeline score: 2 | |
| Sep 5, 2017 at 16:22 | answer | added | JukEboX | timeline score: 3 | |
| Sep 5, 2017 at 16:03 | answer | added | anongoodnurse | timeline score: 3 | |
| Sep 5, 2017 at 15:16 | answer | added | DCook | timeline score: 0 | |
| Sep 5, 2017 at 6:54 | comment | added | Caterpillaraoz | One thing is being a real racist, another is being a young kid "repeating forbidden stuff" and "looking like the cool one because is says stuff that should not be said". Have your kids come in real life contact with people from different ethnic groups (maybe not the small but existent portion who fits the stereotype) and you`ll be sure he wont be a racist.... | |
| Sep 4, 2017 at 20:50 | comment | added | Barney Cowell | From what you've said about inappropriate "food and drink" references, it doesn't sound like the kid has crossed the line into racist remarks, just maybe an unhealthy fixation with trying to push other people's buttons with "gross" comments, although that can be a serious problem, too. I think that you need to better explain the nature of the problem in more detail if you want advice here. Look at the question you wrote and imagine yourself in our shoes: How can anyone be expected to give good advice based on the very limited information given in the question? | |
| S Sep 4, 2017 at 16:17 | history | bounty started | Farewell Stack Exchange | ||
| S Sep 4, 2017 at 16:17 | history | notice added | Farewell Stack Exchange | Draw attention | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 23:19 | comment | added | Francine DeGrood Taylor | I'd have to say it still sounds like the "racism" is just a small part of a larger offense, which is making up nasty lies about others and repeating them as if they were true. This is indeed hurtful and harmful, and should be presented as such. If this boy was actually verbally attacking someone in the group because of their ethnicity I'd certainly consider bringing it up with his parents in order to protect the child being targeted, but otherwise I'd leave it alone. Focus instead on making sure your son understands what is wrong with it, and how to debunk such things. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 18:12 | comment | added | threetimes | Yes, he remarked about another child eating at the local restaurant that he won't eat there because they serve cats & dogs and label it as beef & chicken. The other kids were reacting as if they had never heard of it and that his story sounded ridiculous, thankfully. It was enough to cause my son to ask me though. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 18:03 | comment | added | Francine DeGrood Taylor | So, he targeting a specific person or persons in your community and accused them specifically, of serving dogs and cats? The wording of your comment sounded as if he had just made an offhand remark in general about the Chinese serving food that you would be horrified to find yourself eating. If he is making specific accusations then, certainly, you should assure your son that what his friend was saying was both unkind and untrue. As to the more general concept, it sounds like an excellent teaching opportunity for cultural tolerance. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 16:28 | comment | added | threetimes | I am well aware that in China this may be true. Saying such things about a local food purveyor though is derogatory, as Americans do have such a visceral reaction & "Chinese" food within the US is not typically in any way like local cuisine within China, it's tweaked to an American palette most often. This family, also lives within our small community & making accusations that they are servings domestic pets as food isn't remotely kind and is absolutely racial stereotyping. I take no issue with what people in other countries eat, merely that stating they are serving it is an issue. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 16:14 | comment | added | Francine DeGrood Taylor | Err...not sure if this is helpful but they do eat cats and dogs. I have been to China twice, and they have open air markets where they sell, among other things, puppies and kittens for eating. It was very hard for me to watch, as I love animals. They aren't any kinder to their food animals than we are to ours. If he had said that someone was serving rainbow beef and saying it was steak, it wouldn't be much different than saying someone was serving kitten and saying it was chicken. Americans have a strong visceral reaction to the idea of eating dogs that the Chinese do not share. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 15:08 | comment | added | threetimes | In the game you develop characters. This child said he made a character & then gave it a name that here you would anticipate would be likely someone African American. Then went on to say his character was offline probably off eating and then proceeded to list foods that where I am from, is a clearly, to adults, a racially mocking sort of statement. One of the prior things he had said was telling the kids not to eat Chinese food because they serve cats & dogs and say it's chicken & beef. No one seemed to believe that one thankfully. My son still asked me though. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 12:12 | history | tweeted | twitter.com/StackParenting/status/898155570800115715 | ||
| Aug 17, 2017 at 11:49 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | It would help to know the nature of the racist comments. Food & drink references doesn't spark anything in my mind, so I may be naive, too. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 7:39 | comment | added | skymningen | In that case, I would go for "innocent unless proven otherwise". Keep an eye out. If this child is upsetting your child (not necessarily with racist remarks, but in general), try talking to your child about how they feel about that. Discuss some of the remarks and move on. This can be a good chance for the group of children to learn, that not everyone has to be/stay your friend if they don't behave like a friend. If there come up more and more serious racial remarks at some point I would bring it up with the child's parents. | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 7:36 | comment | added | threetimes | Well what was said tonight was food & drink references. I also get the feeling in reading commentary he is a bit of a pest in games and purposely attempts to irritate others at times, so I wondered that as well. I also should have mentioned the kid who said it is 9. I guess I am naive as I actually thought a chat with kids I knew, in this age range, was unlikely to contain racist remarks. In person this child seems to be the type that doesn't differentiate being irritating your friends & entertaining them. He's not outright awful, but leans toward obnoxious more often than not. | |
| S Aug 17, 2017 at 7:29 | history | suggested | CommunityBot | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
Take out the bold stuff
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| Aug 17, 2017 at 7:01 | comment | added | skymningen | It is really hard to judge without actually knowing what has been said. 10-year-olds also make (offensive) jokes without thinking about it too much. How severe has it been, how much is it "repeating what's in the media, trying anything to just make your friends upset", how much is it what he heard at home at the dinner table and how much is it what he thinks? That is very hard to say. Maybe you can bring it up with some parents that you at least know a little? I am not sure how much going directly to his parents would escalate it (in case he heard it at the dinner table). | |
| Aug 17, 2017 at 6:56 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Aug 17, 2017 at 7:29 | |||||
| Aug 17, 2017 at 5:49 | history | asked | threetimes | CC BY-SA 3.0 |