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Aug 14 '19 at 6:17 comment added SantiBailors Here are a few interesting cases including one where children are taken away from their mother for one spank: bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/norways_hidden_scandal
Dec 6 '18 at 7:30 history edited SantiBailors CC BY-SA 4.0
I disagree that "they/them" is easier to parse; it's plural so it's confusing when applied to one singular noun.
Dec 3 '18 at 12:56 history edited Anne Daunted GoFundMonica CC BY-SA 4.0
minor spelling, gender-neutral "them" instead of "his/her" is easier to parse, removed meta comment (not longer needed after 4 years), updated tags ("misbehavior" doesn't fir, added age tag)
Dec 9 '14 at 23:35 answer user11394 timeline score: 5
Dec 9 '14 at 16:22 comment added SantiBailors @Joe Re "Punishments aren't the only way", I'm sure I never stated anything like that, I rather stated that they must be considered the last option, meaning that of course there are better options to try first. I just said that I do not believe punishments can always be avoided; sometimes they can't, I made many such examples. There must have been a misunderstanding here.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:48 comment added SantiBailors @Joe I absolutely did not mean that those rare children who never challenge the parents are such because they are not strong willed or weak in any other way. It's just not part of their character. The person I mentioned who never needed any punishment as a child is now a young man with a hell of a backbone and when he was a child he was a child with a hell of a backbone for a child. Just for some reason he never felt the need to challenge his parents. Most children do though.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:42 comment added SantiBailors @the_lotus Certainly there are many possible reasons behind his refusal to do what you asked him, and they definitely must be investigated and understood. As I said, punishment must always be the last option. But it's unrealistic to think that children's refusals will always be due to external causes. They will often be caused by the simple fact that cleaning up is not fun, it's annoying and they are 5 years old.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:40 comment added Joe @SantiBailors That's exactly what I'm saying: my children aren't like that. They're very strong willed guys (particularly the older). But, by talking to them and having natural consequences rather than punishment, they're doing pretty well - not perfect, and I may well be asking a question about one aspect I'm having particular trouble with, but definitely on the 'well' side of things. Punishments aren't the only way.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:38 comment added SantiBailors @Joe I know only one person who was successfully raised without any punishment at all, and that happened because he was one of those very rare children who don't do that thing of refusing to do what they are asked to do in order to test where is the line. I must assume your children are like that too. But most aren't and will challenge you to see where the line is and if they don't see any line at that age they will grow up considering you as one whose requests don't even need to be considered. They will understand only when they are grown up, that is too late.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:29 comment added the_lotus @SantiBailors You have to look at the reason why he didn't want to clean up. Is it because you just started asking him? Does he properly understand why? Is it because the kid has no/little power over his life? Was he started being bullied at school? Is he in a hurry and want to play a game? There's usually a reason for behavior change. It's hard to help out without having example of situation you were stuck in.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:15 comment added Joe @SantiBailors You're starting from a flawed assumption. You can raise children without punishments. It's hard, and I won't say I've done so completely - punishments are very tempting some times. But, my children - 3 and 1.5 - clean up their spills without being asked most of the time, and neither one of them is a quiet meek child: the oldest definitely falls on the far end of the "Strong-willed child" category, and the younger is still figuring out what he will be.
Dec 9 '14 at 15:13 comment added Joe @the_lotus That's an important difference, though: you spill milk, you clean it up is not a punishment. It is the natural consequence, sure.
Dec 9 '14 at 14:04 comment added SantiBailors @the_lotus I'm not sure to whom your comment is directed. however I also think the child must be made fix the result of the misbehaving. The problems start when the child won't do that - and most children will have to try not doing that, by instinct; they want to know what happens if they don't do it, that is why should they bother. F.ex. I don't care I spilled it, I'm not cleaning it! Or in other words, "You spill milk, you clean it - or else..." ?
Dec 9 '14 at 13:41 comment added the_lotus You haven't gave any example. The best "punishment" is a natural consequence. You spill milk, you clean it. You bump a kid, you help him get better.
S Dec 9 '14 at 12:03 history edited SantiBailors
amend tags
S Dec 9 '14 at 12:03 history suggested A E
amend tags
Dec 9 '14 at 12:02 answer SavedByZero timeline score: 16
Dec 8 '14 at 19:40 answer joshstrike timeline score: 1
Dec 8 '14 at 19:40 review Suggested edits
S Dec 9 '14 at 12:03
Dec 8 '14 at 19:27 answer A E timeline score: 4
Dec 8 '14 at 16:47 history tweeted twitter.com/#!/StackParenting/status/541997493845000192
Dec 8 '14 at 15:51 answer Joe timeline score: 25
Dec 8 '14 at 15:48 answer MJ6 timeline score: 8
Dec 8 '14 at 14:17 answer David Boshton timeline score: 10
Dec 8 '14 at 14:17 answer Phill Healey timeline score: 2
Dec 8 '14 at 14:06 answer RedSonja timeline score: 4
Dec 8 '14 at 13:36 comment added SantiBailors @Erica You're right, those were some poor examples on my part. However I believe that more reasonable and common non-physical punishments which still have a duration, like seizing a toy for a period, can still have a very traumatizing effect to a child. So I must maintain my doubt about whether that must be considered violence. All, I added a sentence at the bottom of my question. Sorry for the confusion, newbie here.
Dec 8 '14 at 13:35 history edited SantiBailors CC BY-SA 3.0
Removed separate question
Dec 8 '14 at 13:31 comment added A E I think that's a really interesting and important question. I'm going to give it some thought and (hopefully) get back to you with some kind of an answer.
Dec 8 '14 at 13:15 comment added SantiBailors @DanBeale Right, I see my confusion. The first two questionmarks (the title and "Is it correct...") go together: if those non-physical punishments must still be considered violent then no punishment completely devoid of violence can exist (in which case we should wonder whether psychological violence is better than a physical spank). The last paragraph (third questionmark) should have read "non-physical punishments" instead of "non-violent" (I just corrected the question) and it's actually separate - my mistake. So please ignore it - maybe I will post it as a separate question in the future.
Dec 8 '14 at 13:12 history edited SantiBailors CC BY-SA 3.0
"non-violent" corrected into "non-physical"
Dec 8 '14 at 12:57 comment added Jon Story @DanBeale - two are very closely linked, practically just a re-phrased single question. The other is perhaps separate but can still be addressed in a single answer.
Dec 8 '14 at 12:46 comment added Acire Some of the punishments you described certainly seem very extreme for such a young child. Grounding, cancelling a party -- these are pretty significant punishments that I'd expect to use more with a pre-teen or older child, who's more capable of understanding long-term consequences.
Dec 8 '14 at 12:42 comment added DanBeale There are three question marks for this question, making it hard to answer and a poor fit for SE.
Dec 8 '14 at 12:24 comment added SantiBailors 100% agreed that skipping consequences altogether is the worst option. In my opinion that's just convenient for the parent and a cheap shortcut to avoid his/her responsibilities and the pain that results from punishing one's child. However my fear is that the so called non-violent punishments might turn out to be even more violent than the physical ones - psychological violence.
Dec 8 '14 at 11:59 review First posts
Dec 8 '14 at 14:39
Dec 8 '14 at 11:58 comment added user420 I'd say non-violent punishment is less of a risk than skipping consequences for negative behavior altogether.
Dec 8 '14 at 11:54 history asked SantiBailors CC BY-SA 3.0