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Mar
13
comment Is it possible to spoil a child, but still teach them not to behave spoiled?
@Joe Kids are very likely to pick up on it. But again, that's not equivalent to "confusing". It can in fact be very conducive to learning about different "cultures". We had a related circumstance with our daughter and her grandparents. Their totally excessive gifting was only one issue, and she spent at least her full summers with them (and other times) most years of her young life. Not exactly like daily contact, but 24 hrs/day for a few months year after year has significant impact as well. When you can discuss daily events, you have daily chances of countering things.
Mar
11
comment Is it possible to spoil a child, but still teach them not to behave spoiled?
Good rules as far as they go. I'd add a few critical ones, e.g., don't lie to the child, both parents must act consistently, and more.
Mar
11
comment Is it possible to spoil a child, but still teach them not to behave spoiled?
No way for me to tell how you turned out, but your description of yourself doesn't indicate "spoiled". There doesn't seem to be any significant harm done to your character. Getting everything you could want doesn't qualify as spoiling in and of itself. The remainder of your answer helps explain that.
Mar
11
comment Is it possible to spoil a child, but still teach them not to behave spoiled?
I very much disagree that inconsistency between 'Mom' and 'Grandma' is confusing. I've found it even to beneficial. Inconsistenct between 'Mom' and 'Dad', however, is trouble. Even so, still not particularly confusing. Children adapt easily to that, just not very beneficially. But inconsistency between 'Mom today' and 'Mom tomorrow', that's confusing.
Mar
11
comment Is it possible to spoil a child, but still teach them not to behave spoiled?
Others who think "it's no big deal" have much in common with the grandparents who are the root cause of the problem that you perceive. If you accept their viewpoint, you might as well simply accept that you have no problem. Is that your preference?
Dec
17
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Disagree, yes. Argue, no. Peacefully resolving disagreements is a valuable skill to learn. Rules/consequences, however, should always be agreed upon in advance, ideally in advance of having children so that disagreement doesn't happen over those. "When two people always agree, one of them isn't necessary." (Wish I could source that.)
Dec
2
comment Should I let my son see his dad
Is there any reasonable chance of a rational discussion of the complete problem with your ex? Can he be trusted in terms of a future agreement about (his/)your son?
Nov
12
comment Mom too worried with germs and disease
A couple months of general isolation to mom and dad are usually good; a year is too much. Once baby's skin is populated with his/her own personal colony of familiar "bugs", that's probably the best first-line of defense. A couple months allows the colonization by most things that are in the common environment and generates the immune reactions to them. And then, scrubbing that layer off becomes a questionable act. Simple soapy rinsing is enough.
Oct
21
comment Why do kids pick up on violence in cartoons/movies?
First, because it's different from normal life. Copying normal behavior wouldn't even be noticed (by you) and kids wouldn't think to copy it. Second, it gets reactions. Third, it apparently isn't properly discouraged in cases you mention. (Blame parents at some point.) Finally, I very rarely have seen similar cases. Definitely not often enough to think twice about it. But then, I'm only 65. Maybe I'll see it more eventually.
May
25
comment My 13-year-old son made a foolish and wasteful donation. How can I teach him he was wrong?
No shirt no shoes no service was one of my early thoughts, and I'd wait to replace any shoes until that consequence was learned by the boy himself. Of course, it might never be. Any winter walks will probably teach a lesson first.
May
10
comment Should an adult pay rent to his child?
@CreationEdge That would be valid, but might take a fairly rare balance of personality traits (if it's the major deciding factor). The offspring would be self-aware enough to recognize inability to handle finances effectively, yet be aware of a potential advantage of 'investing' in parental management. It does have some reason outside of emotion, though.
May
8
comment Should an adult pay rent to his child?
@CreationEdge ...don't see why you wouldn't seems to be "feelings" based rather than having a rational foundation, unless you can offer a rational justification that overcomes both main points of my answer. And as I noted, such situations work themselves out naturally if the relationship was well cultured. I.e., it shouldn't be a surprise if offspring willingly pay rent. Also, even into adulthood, some offspring still need to be reminded to pay their own way; I can't guess when any given parental obligation might end.
May
8
answered Should an adult pay rent to his child?
May
4
awarded  Yearling
May
2
answered Why would you lie to your children about Santa?
Mar
16
awarded  Commentator
Mar
8
comment Should I allow or forbid my son to visit the education of a religion that I do not share?
Very difficult question. I don't envy you. The conflicting elements of joining peers, fantasy biblical stories, impressionable youths, a school requirement that influences towards religion and a concerned parent make it nearly (completely?) impossible to find a proper balance. I disagree with the school policy at that age, but can't guess how it can be approached. Here (USA), I'd switch schools before that requirement arrived. Too late in your situation. You can only keep communication open with your son.
Feb
18
comment Should I cut my child's dad out of his life?
Is a third prison stay likely to make the choice for you ('3rd strike')? If so, is that a risk that changes the father's approach to life?
Dec
6
comment How to answer someone who says, “What he needs is a good spanking!”
"Ah!... So you're the cause of today's violent street gangs."
Dec
6
comment How to answer someone who says, “What he needs is a good spanking!”
Maybe you can acknowledge that commonality, saying something like, "Tantrums are a challenge, aren't they?" "No, they just need a good spanking to get rid of." Unfortunately, that's essentially what the other woman was already communicating and what the OP wants to counter (in a short interaction). But the general slant of your answer is worth keeping in mind.