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Moderator Pro Tem on Parenting.Stackexchange.com.

Web developer, business analyst, project manager, and proud father.

profile for Beofett on Stack Exchange, a network of free, community-driven Q&A sites


Jun
7
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
Neither situation is actually someone saying "you might believe that, but I'd like you to put that aside anyway." In my example, asking the parents why they are asking for no presents can help distinguish whether they want no presents, or no presents at the party, among other possibilities. In your example, sayin "hey, want to come out with us?" is not the same as saying "hey, come out with us, and we'll try to force you to drink,"
Jun
7
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
I'm not sure why this answer received so few votes. I think the communication aspect is great, as are the alternative options.
Jun
6
comment Why would a child love and always attempt to wear a dress shirt an a tie?
@DVK /SPEECHLESS!
Jun
6
comment Why would a child love and always attempt to wear a dress shirt an a tie?
@DVK What, no Dr. Who?!? Bow ties are cool! Seriously, though, if he watches any amount of TV, you might be surprised how often that cultural stereotype may slip in. Even commercials and kid's cartoons. The father, dressed for work at the breakfast table. The boss behind the desk. The lawyer.
Jun
6
comment How to help a child overcome fear of heights
Hi, and welcome to the site. I've downvoted this answer, because I don't believe that lying to a child and threatening them with anger is an appropriate way of teaching a lesson. All this is likely to do is upset the child.
Jun
5
comment Wi-Fi baby monitor with local and remote viewing
Sorry, but questions about picking specific products ("shopping recommendations") are considered off-topic for this site.
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@RomainVALERI "Managing" may be a bit of an overstatement :) At this point, he knows what money is, and (sort of) what its used for, but when he uses it, he relies on us to tell him if he has enough to buy something or not. We're striving for a very basic understanding at this point; we're going to wait a bit before we work him up to investing.
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
I agree with a number of other comments here. Your first three points are great. After that, though.... I don't feel that giving a gift is in even remotely the same realm as tempting the child of an alcoholic family with alcohol. I also feel that you're making this a lot more black and white than it needs to be, both in your answer, and your example. I know people who had strict no-alcohol policies, who nonetheless appreciated being invited along, and your answer seems to say that attempting to communicate with the parents to find out how firm the "no gifts" policy is, is disrespectful.
Jun
5
comment Train infant to turn over
not a problem. One of the benefits of duplicates is it actually makes it easier for people to find answers. "Turn over" is how lots of people may search, just like you did. Now, instead of finding nothing, people searching for "turn over" will find your question, which will in turn link them to the answers they're hopefully looking for.
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
If you're looking at this from the perspective that in order for posting an answer being anything other than a "waste of time", the OP of the question has to follow the advice of that answer, then with all due respect, you do not understand what this site is about. I am sorry that is the impression you have taken away from my question, but others, who have read it on an equal footing to you, have drawn very different conclusions. I'll say this one last time: you asked for clarification, both for the downvote, and for my comment. You may disagree, but I'm not really interested in arguing.
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
You misunderstand the whole purpose of this site. The point is to create a repository of useful information for everyone, not just the OP. Regardless, saying you and everyone else who answered "wasted" your time is incorrect; there has been a lot of information and suggestions provided in the answers here, some of which I may use. I didn't say "we're not going to bring a present, and we're going to just tell my son 'no'". Some other answers provided suggestions for compromises such as donating to charity instead of a gift. There were other suggestions I'm considering, too.
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
For what its worth, my wife and I had decided before I even posted this question that bringing a gift wasn't really an option. However, the factors influencing that decision included things that really are too specific to our circumstances to be of use to anyone else so I generalized the question and avoided adding any decisions we had made. I find that you get better responses when you don't try to partially answer the question within the question (although I'm not always that good at remembering that when I write questions).
Jun
5
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
I hope you don't mind, but I've taken the liberty of adding that into your answer; answers (and questions) can be edited to improve them. That's actually the primary point of comments here.
Jun
4
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
You asked why you received a -1. I speculated as to a possible reason (it wasn't me who downvoted). As a new user, I was attempting to provide the assistance you requested. You are, of course, entitled to ignore what I said. However, note that the question asks " Is there some compromise we could aim for?". If you think part of a question is something you should discount, and instead only provide a "yes/no" answer, then you may want to pass it up for a different question.
Jun
4
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
Hi, and welcome to the site. I suspect the downvote is because you posted this as an answer, despite not understanding the question. The question was not "should we bring a present: yes or no?". The question was looking for best approaches, possible compromises, etc. You mentioned compromise, but don't actually offer any suggestions, and therefore don't actually answer the question. Please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with our faq.
Jun
4
comment Are there any concrete citations for the range of expected costs of raising a child?
If you're looking from the perspective of "can I afford it", would annual minimums, rather than a summary range, be useful as an answer? I know of some sources I can pull together to draw a picture for a low-end ballpark, but I don't want to post it if it won't really address your question.
Jun
4
comment What are the effective durations of punishment at various ages?
I don't think "primarily opinion based" applies here. However, I do feel it might be a bit broad. I think it would help if the scope could be narrowed down, either by restricting it to a specific age group, or using specific examples. Duration of loss of privileges will also vary in effectiveness depending on what privileges, and what the offense was (e.g. losing weekly soccer games is different than losing daily video game time).
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@JamesRyan Possible != Required. If you want to post an answer, feel free.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@JamesRyan re: your second point - if you distill the situation down to the assumption of self-satisfaction over the parents' request (and discard all other factors), probably not, which is why I asked this question, looking for possible compromises or alternate suggestions.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@JamesRyan I think at 3, the distinction between "training" and their own decisions is a bit difficult to distinguish. Much of what kids learn at that age is based on behavior modeled by the parents. We do model giving, both by giving each other presents, and by showing and explaining to our son how and why we donate to charities. However, we have never asked him to give away his own toys to his friends. The closest we've done is to periodically go through his toys and decide which, if any, he no longer enjoys and would be willing to donate to charity.