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Moderator Pro Tem on Parenting.Stackexchange.com.

Web developer, business analyst, project manager, and proud father.

profile for Beofett on Stack Exchange, a network of free, community-driven Q&A sites


Jan
29
comment Is it okay for my child to be a “latchkey kid”?
@WarrenHill the tags I used indicate ages ranging from "primary school" to "middle school". Our tag wikis put that from 5 to 11, although I can't fathom a 5 or 6 year old handling that. I believe I started when I was 7, so lets say 7-11 years of age.
Jan
29
comment Teaching logic and problem solving to children?
@ATS That was an actual problem I was given... I believe in Elementary school. Yet oddly enough I didn't start smoking cigars until almost 30 years later. One would hope that we'd simultaneously be teaching our kids that cigars made out of cigar butts just aren't as good at the real thing! Now, if I had known how to make moonshine, it would have made me really popular in high school... Although I'm pretty sure there's a "reality" show airing now that explains how to not only make moonshine, but the entire business of smuggling, distributing, and selling it.
Jan
27
comment Mother in law making us feel guilty about money
@MarshallAnschutz I'm not a huge fan of passive aggressiveness, but it does have its uses. The context of my suggesting that approach is a fall-back, in the event that polite, non aggressive, and direct conversation doesn't work. Its not about making presumptions about her. Its about making her recognize that her comments are intrusive and unwelcome without invite direct confrontation.
Jan
24
comment How do I convince a stubborn 8 year old that the parents are supposed to be in charge?
Speaking of respect... please be respectful and polite to other members of the community when posting.
Jan
17
comment How do I address a teacher humiliating my son by calling him a “tattletale”?
@Ossum'sMom I'm confused by that remark... how is that my theory?
Jan
17
comment How do I address a teacher humiliating my son by calling him a “tattletale”?
Fair point. Although if the noise alone were an issue, you'd think the teacher would step in before a student felt the need to intervene on her behalf. Unless the intervention were exceptionally loud, which, while a possibility, seems very unlikely in this particular instance (again, based on my knowing the child in question).
Jan
17
comment How do I address a teacher humiliating my son by calling him a “tattletale”?
If the sound of the other children talking was preventing him from hearing what was being said, I don't believe telling them to be quiet can be assumed to be "trying to 'be the adult'". Knowing my friend, I really doubt his son was "playing adult", or even "trying to help". Much more likely he simply couldn't hear over the noise, and felt that he should be able to.
Jan
15
comment Are there any effects from lying to your children?
This! I went through this when I started taking my son to daycare. He got upset the first couple of times, and now he's fine when I leave. Yet I see a little boy who has been there for almost a year who still sobs even before his dad leaves... his dad stays 5-10 minutes trying to comfort the kid each time, before giving up and leaving. As soon as he leaves, though, the boy stops crying within a minute or two.
Jan
15
comment Are there any effects from lying to your children?
@LowKianSeong You have to reward her in some way... because you've been rewarding her (actually, bribing her). You've established it as a means of getting her to accept your absence, so of course she's going to continue to want these bribes. It is natural for a toddler to be upset when a parent leaves. How you respond to them being upset establishes the pattern for how they will behave. It will be tough the first few times, but if you leave, and she cries because you leave, it won't do any lasting harm. Simply say "mommies and daddies always come back." It's preferable to lies or bribes.
Jan
15
comment My pre-schooler is out of control, and I feel like my parents are undermining my relationship and authority with her
@SethGordon There's also a school of thought that positive reinforcement is detrimental in the long run. Check out Alfie Kohn's Punished By Rewards (note that I think there are some serious flaws with his ideas, but there are also some interesting concepts in there, too. I totally agree on the time outs for calming down, and not as punishment, though.
Jan
15
comment My pre-schooler is out of control, and I feel like my parents are undermining my relationship and authority with her
I'd say the answer to "Do you think this family has a problem?" is "yes!". Perhaps if you go to family therapy without your mom, and she sees that you intend to go through with it regardless of her opinion, she may decide to go rather than risk you talking about her "behind her back." If you can convince your father to participate, even better.
Jan
15
comment My pre-schooler is out of control, and I feel like my parents are undermining my relationship and authority with her
-1 for... well, quite a few reasons. Spanking can, theoretically, be effective, but studies have shown that proper application of spanking is impractical in most situations, and improper spanking is actively harmful. Plus spanking is illegal in some places. Food habits staying from youth is in direct contradiction to my experiences; do you have a source to back that claim up? And finally... "Go to the gym, bulk up, and just (threaten to) use violence to get them to comply"? Seriously?
Jan
15
comment My pre-schooler is out of control, and I feel like my parents are undermining my relationship and authority with her
Good answer, particularly the "I" statements. This is something my wife and I try to use when discussing issues, and it really does work.
Jan
10
comment How to teach civil rights to children who don't know about racism?
It would help if you provided a little information about the book that explains why you think that book in particular is a good choice.
Jan
6
comment How do I convince a stubborn 8 year old that the parents are supposed to be in charge?
Just because corporal punishment was used for "thousands of years" (source?) doesn't mean it was actually effective in doing what was intended. There's considerable research that says otherwise, actually. Please provide some references when making claims like that.
Jan
3
comment How do you respond to your pre-schooler when they tell you that you're on Santa's Naughty List?
@Dariusz Three-year-old logic... if we say something that makes him unhappy (i.e. tell him he can't do something), we must be bad.
Dec
31
comment Baby does not sleep on her own
I believe the linked question covers this pretty well. The other question is for a 3 month old, but the answers should apply to a six month old as well (or better, in some cases).
Dec
30
comment How do I get my toddler to stop waking at 4am?
I've marked this as duplicate, because based on the information here, the answers on the older question seem likely to adequately cover it. If you feel the other answers don't apply to your situation, please provide more information and flag for moderator attention.
Dec
30
comment my 17 month old wakes up crying during night
I've marked this as duplicate, because based on the information here, the answers on the older question seem likely to adequately cover it. If you feel the other answers don't apply to your situation, please provide more information and flag for moderator attention.
Dec
23
comment Properly suctioning mouth of infant with bulb syringe
This is the technique we were taught when my son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. We used a small rubber palm percussor, and gently clapped the chest wall, along my son's sides and back. I see no reason why this wouldn't work just as effectively for a persistent cold or cough.