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location Pennsylvania
age 41
visits member for 3 years, 9 months
seen 9 hours ago

Moderator Pro Tem on Parenting.Stackexchange.com.

Web developer, business analyst, project manager, and proud father.

profile for Beofett on Stack Exchange, a network of free, community-driven Q&A sites


17h
comment How can I prevent my parents' divorce?
My parents got divorced when I was very young. Neither were violent, depressed, suicidal, or alcoholics. The divorce was hard on me, but you know what would have been harder? Growing up in a house with both my parents fighting with each other all the time. Divorce worse than death? That's a gross and naïve oversimplification.
18h
comment I don't know why my five year old son is acting out
I'm putting this on hold, because as CreationEdge pointed out, there just isn't enough information here. Please edit your question to give as much relevant, specific information as possible, and we can remove the hold and hopefully get you some helpful answers.
Jan
27
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@Adam Davis No problem! It felt like my answer was drawing attention away from the other answers, and frankly, I like yours better than mine.
Jan
26
comment As a university undergraduate, how can I get more self-disciplined in my academic studies?
I'm contacting moderators of other SE sites to see if this would be welcome elsewhere, as I agree it seems pretty off-topic here.
Jan
24
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
I've downvoted your answer, not because you disagree with me about sneaking peaks at a child's diary, but because you barely address the question, and instead focus on addressing other people's answers. The fact that other people's answers is what motivated you to respond is irrelevant. That is not what answers on this site are for. Discussion about other people answers should take place in chat, or, in highly limited fashion, through focused and constructive comments. Both of those options open to you with just a small amount of reputation. Please feel free to edit your answer to focus it.
Jan
24
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@blankip again: if you let your 10 believe that the diary is private, then read it, it is unethical. Don't mistake practicality for ethics. Besides, having a child who can trust you is a better way to know what they're up to than to hope they write important secrets down that you can read without them knowing.
Jan
23
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@blankip that's quite a presumption. Not everyone is so unethical/immoral.
Jan
23
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@CreationEdge The difficulty I have had in framing additional advice beyond making sure basic sex education is in place is because any discussion would be potentially tempered by the fact that the OP may have read the child's diary without permission. If that is what occurred, it will be a hindrance to broaching the subject directly without the discussion becoming instantly derailed by the child's (justified, imho) indignation at the invasion of privacy.
Jan
22
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@LCIII I see what you're saying, I think. I'm not saying anything is acceptable beyond a 10 year old girl writing "I love x" in a diary that is (presumably, although not certain) intended as a private repository of thoughts and feelings. I don't see that as being on par with dating, holding hands, or even telling the boy how she feels. Basically, I'm of the thought that it isn't what emotions children have that needs to conform to parental standards, but rather how they express those emotions. As such, I think expressing an emotion in a supposedly private venue is perfectly fine.
Jan
22
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@j.rightly A 10 year old has the right to privacy if the parents allow them to believe they have the right to privacy. It's one thing to say "you can keep a diary/cell phone/email account, just so long as you understand that they aren't private, and I will periodically read it", but allowing a child to believe that it is private, and the parent then reading it without the child knowing about it is setting a very bad example. The OP was not clear which situation applies.
Jan
22
comment How do I handle a 10 year old girl “in love”?
@LCIII That's your prerogative, of course, but I strongly disagree with the second part of what you claim I am saying. Yes, I am absolutely saying make sure they know how sex works, because I believe not providing basic education at that age is dangerous. However, the claim that I am saying let them do what they want is wholly inaccurate in my opinion. I make no such claim, neither explicitly nor implicitly. As for the idea that the OP desires to prevent a young, frivolous romantic attraction, I don't believe that preventing that is possible, especially not after the fact.
Jan
21
comment What are the pros and cons of opting for an elective C-section?
Hi Niv, and welcome to the site! I agree with Rory's comment: this is a duplicate because medically necessary vs. optional doesn't really change what would be an acceptable answer on the older question. Also, Joe is absolutely correct about answering your own question: it's fine to do so, but the answer should be clearly separated from the question, and including too much opinion in the question itself does tend to attract downvotes.
Jan
19
comment How do we stop our child screeching?
@MaxWilliams It's been a while (he's 4 now), but I believe it was when he was around 4-6 months. The screeching didn't last that long (fortunately!).
Jan
18
comment Consequences of smoking marijuana during pregnancy (especially first weeks)?
I'd love to upvote this, simply because you actually cite evidence, unlike the other higher-voted answers. Unfortunately, the papers you cited don't necessarily seem applicable to the first few weeks of pregnancy, and instead seem generalized throughout the whole pregnancy. Definitely doesn't deserve a downvote, imo, though.
Dec
10
comment My sister thinks her kid can “swim”, but he can't breathe in the water. This is DEFCON-1 danger, right?
Please do not use edits to attempt to remove your question. This is considered vandalism.
Dec
8
comment Can a punishment be devoid of any “violence”?
I'd say non-violent punishment is less of a risk than skipping consequences for negative behavior altogether.
Nov
27
comment What harm is porn?
@zxq9 I'm not exactly sure what point you're trying to make. Correlation is not the same as causation. Making loose connections based upon correlation and using them as a possible "solution" is generally not sound.
Nov
16
comment Explaining mental illness to children
10 year olds should be able to manage explanations of more than 7 words. My 4 year old can, for that matter. Perhaps you're underestimating children.
Nov
14
comment Explaining mental illness to children
"Labels aren't the point. Clarity is." Clarity is exactly why labels are problematic: labels are frequently short, simple words that are used to describe a range of complex characteristics, and therefore carry a lot of meaning and baggage that is not relevant to every case. That is what @CreationEdge is referring to by stereotypes and stigma. Saying "this person has some problems", and then elaborating on those problems, can provide clarity. Saying "this person is crazy" is rather the opposite. It is broadly categorical, stigmatizing, non-descriptive, and fundamentally pejorative.
Nov
14
comment TV shows for toddlers that don't teach bad gender and race dynamics
@Marc Please refer to my previous comment, above. If you feel that you disagree with the fundamental premise of a question, then you should just pass it by. While I appreciate that you posted a comment, rather than an answer, the history of the site has shown that telling someone that a question or request is based off of a flawed premise (which is, in itself, a subjective claim), is at best divisive, and at worst, outright unwelcoming and inflammatory. I am deleting the comments that don't directly relate to what the OP is requesting.