236 reputation
16
bio website iki.fi/ilari.kajaste
location Finland
age
visits member for 3 years, 8 months
seen Nov 6 at 17:44

Jun
16
comment How do you explain “Right” and “Left” politics to a child without bias?
Here's a poetic solution: "Right is wrong and left is right, up is down and the darkness bright." :)
Jun
14
comment How can we discipline a strong-willed, misbehaving 5 year-old?
@Justin808 I opened meta discussion here.
Jun
13
comment Are there any reputable studies on spanking?
Also see: "Is spanking an effective form of discipline for children?" on Skeptics StackExchange
Jun
13
comment Are there any reputable studies on spanking?
It seems like this resolution and basis for it's reasoning only address punishment administered in institutional settings. I would think this is quite different, phsychologically, from home setting (still a relevant answer to the question of course).
Jun
10
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
@tomjedrz I didn't say, or even imply, that kids should have to be able to express emotions in any way they can? Tantrums aren't a constructive way of communication. Right approach would be to get the kid to handle or express their emotions and desires in a constructive manner. But punishing won't magically lead to that, not if the child doesn't know how to communicate in a better way. Which is what I undesrtood you accept as a possible case with your: "It may well be the sign [of inability to communicate] as you suggest, but it is still bad behavior, and should be dealt with as such."
Jun
10
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
@tomjedrz And yes, like it or not, the consensus these days seems to be that being able to express emotions is indeed important for emotional development. I could probably point you to some studies with a bit of work, but, really, I don't want to start playing that game. So if links to studies would be what you'd need to be convinced, as far as I care you're free to not believe it - in that case I'll just agree we have mismatching premises as I'll leave it at that.
Jun
10
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
@tomjedrz I think you misunderstood me, sorry for being unclear. My point has nothing to do with labeling the child or the child's self esteem. Talking about "bad" behaviour suggest to us people reading this that there's an alternative, "good" behaviour. This suggest the problem is in child's control, and it isn't. So while it is superficially indeed "bad" to throw a tantrum, talking about bad behaviour in that contect will not lead to solving the problem in any satisfactory way, so it should be avoided.
Jun
7
comment When do kids start learning fractions in school?
@JSBangs, then again, it's good to remember we are in fact only getting one side of the story here, not the full picture. It could be the case poster is indeed pushing her daughter too much, and that is the reason for the teacher's behaviour. But it's of course rather impossible to tell with this little information.
Jun
6
comment What are some suggestions for punishing a child?
-1 for "Realistically speaking". Seems to me you're applying a too general term for your opinion, simply to make it sound more convincing. I assume this opinion is based just on your own anecdotal evidence. This all would be ok by me, unless there wouldn't already be many people that state opposing anecdotal evidence. Since there are, and you don't provide any references or further argument, punishment corners and time outs aren't impractical "realistically speaking" but rather "in your opinion".
Jun
6
comment What are some suggestions for punishing a child?
@Saiboogu Hmm, maybe some sort of concrete symbol representing the the removed permission would help make even the more abstract concept feel like an immediate and measurable effect? Like moving a fridge magnet (with the permission in question written on it) to a "denied" -area or something like that.
Jun
6
comment What are some suggestions for punishing a child?
I've heard this explained in such way that it's stressed that the parent should first warn the child, and always clearly state the reason the child is being put to a time-out. Just clarifying that the main thing seems to be that the child understands why the time-out happens. And of course as you say, consistency is very important.
Jun
6
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
@tomjedrz No, it really isn't bad behaviour, not in the sense we usually mean to use the term. Bad behaviour would assume there is some sort of alternative, good behaviour the child should do instead. There probably isn't - it's an expression of emotion they don't know how to convey in other matter. Punishing would be only trying to deal with result, not the underlying cause. Since there is no alternative model of emotional expression the punishment could direct towards, it will at "best" lead to surpressing the emotion, which isn't a good idea at all for the child's social development.
Jun
6
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
This works worryingly well at societal level, too...
Jun
6
comment How can I prevent my 8-year-old from spending time with his bad friend?
+1 for "You are drawing your own lines." especially when continued with "That's fine, but you would do well to recognize them as yours."
Jun
6
comment How can I prevent my 8-year-old from spending time with his bad friend?
Though they don't address the problem that much, your points are mostly good. But, uh, somehow I just don't see intentionally degrading a child's friend in front of the child as a good example! Effective, could be. But it also teaches a model of social behaviour I wouldn't want to encourage myself.
Apr
6
comment When is physical punishment appropriate?
Yes, there's a huge difference in causing hurt intentionally, and physically preventing the child to move during a tantrum or such, even if it causes a bit hurt. One big difference is that in the second case, the child directly causes any of the hurt. Another is the second case I've understood to be (a bit counter-intuitively to me) actually emotionally comforting, though it may not seem like that directly. I'd be happy to find links to studies about that, though.
Apr
6
comment When is physical punishment appropriate?
-1 for "In my experience..." Anecdotal. Probably confirmation bias. Sorry, you're just completely wrong with what you imply by that statement. There's no studies showing any such relationship, and I have opposite (just as anectodal) evidence to counter yours. Plus, there are areas of the world where physical punishment isn't very popular, and kids there don't disrespect their parents any more. Disrespect of authority figures - that I have no idea about, but then again I consider a disrespect of societal authority that just authority for authority's sake to be pretty healthy...
Apr
6
comment When is physical punishment appropriate?
Well, unless your goal is to make the child emotionally insecure and prone to violence... Towards that goal physical punishment is very appropriate. :)