monsto

2,180 reputation

211

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visits	member for	1 year, 9 months
	seen	May 30 at 14:26
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I'm a 46 (hm had to check with the wife, yes i'm 46) year old father of 5 and I know i'm not a perfect parent. i've had a lot of practical experience. their ages are of a range where I can see that the lessons that I'm giving my 6yo today have had a positive, long term effect on the kid that became the 20 year old.

Sometimes I'm not necessarily agreeable. However, I will never be disrespectful. Opinions differ between people as much as people and kids differ. I believe that as long as we all remain aware of our differences, disagreements can be productive.

I have found that the things that worked the best with my children are consistency and having the courage to be the parent. That means that sometimes they don't like our decisions, but I can live with that because the goals are much more impacting than a kids instant total gratification and approval.

Whoever you are looking at my profile, you're reading (and hopefully posting) here because you care enough about your kid to seek information and perhaps improve your method. That drive for self-improvement will translate to your kid.

Congratulations and good luck.

	2,180 reputation	bio	website		visits	member for	1 year, 9 months
211 badges		location			seen	May 30 at 14:26

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Jan 24	awarded	Talkative
Jan 24	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? You're right, style or method is a lot of it. Thing is that he's not getting much of anything at the moment. Except getting hollered at for crying too long or not going back to sleep at 4 am.
Jan 24	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? The point was that even jacking him in to mindless kid media would be better than what he's getting, which is nothing to very little.
Jan 24	comment	How do you manage free time when you have kids? (continued) When you stand up for yourself, one of 2 things will happen: either the relationship will get better or it will get worse. If it gets worse, it certainly won't be because you didn't try to make it better. But if you say nothing, it's guaranteed to get worse as these occasions pile up in a corner of your mind until the day you explode for something seemingly trivial.
Jan 24	comment	How do you manage free time when you have kids? I'm going to go the other way here, hate me if you want. . . but the example from 'tonight' is I think indicative of a one way relationship. I think what you need is less advice on the specifics and more individual self confidence. Stand up to her when you get dinged like that and tell her "Cut it out. I don't like it when you do that." Sounds like there are a lot of things in the relationship that need work, not just the babies and reality tv. I'm sure you know what they are and, like I was with my first wife, simply afraid to deal with them. (continued)
Jan 24	answered	How do you manage free time when you have kids?
Jan 23	comment	Can a son share a bed with his girlfriend, at 27? I wanted to explain a bit, but didn't want to clutter up the original thought. at 27, you've been out in the world and on your own for at least a while. In a lot of famblies, 27/30 have a kid or 2 already. Would they expect you to sleep separate then?
Jan 23	answered	Can a son share a bed with his girlfriend, at 27?
Jan 23	comment	Should I expect a boy to ask me for permission for prom? Be very careful about "the veto". . . you do have that option, but at 16 she's making decisions everyday without you and sometimes without even considering you. Might be hard to take, but there it is. Vetoing Affairs of the Heart (yay Rick Springfield) can cause huge downline problems. She may also be of the opinion "dude, it's just prom... i'm not getting married" and that making a big todo and say dinner with him and his parents might just be a bit "old fashioned" for the young adults.
Jan 23	comment	Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? @Beofett oops. I was responding to the response, but you're right... I should have gone upline further.
Jan 23	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? And then there's the fact that "I've done it before and I don't feel like doing it anymore"... after many yrs straight of toddler-age children, we're both pretty weary of the whole thing.
Jan 23	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? I suppose I could pull rank. "While you're living here, you will be required to listen to my advice on parenting. First..." Seriously tho, as I replied to DA01, I'm not personally in a position to do these things at the times they're needed most, but I know I could enlist the wife and probably my kids. And with all of us pitching in, we may be able to make an impression that will last beyond they're time with us.
Jan 23	revised	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? added 135 characters in body
Jan 23	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? @smillig I think..."vast" might be a bit grandiose. But i've tried to do so without using so many words. The husband has said "i don't do well with subtlety" which I get (military and all) so those kind of indirect hilights (sometimes known as passive-aggressive statement) don't go anywhere... Which is the problem in general, that they're not very accepting of outside info.
Jan 23	comment	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong? @DA01 Unfortunately, I'm not in a social position to be able to do that. I'm working nights now, so when they put him down for the night, I'm typically napping just before work. I do however interact with him throughout the day. I play with him with his toys, roughhouse, stuff like that. maybe an hour a day. However, it is along the lines of what I was thinking last night after I made this post. The 11 (and maybe 7) yr old girl(s) would probably love to read him bedtime stories and help start a nighttime ritual. I'll mention it to the wife as well.
Jan 23	comment	Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? @Beofett she's 14on his phone plan. If she wants that kind of privacy, she should get a job and her own damn phone. Until then, like it. None of my teens ever bitched when I chastised them for smth I found on their phone... Probably because that sentiment was part of the understood, unspoken 'agreement' lol. Perhaps he shd have said "should she have a reasonable expectation that you may go digging in her phone?"
Jan 23	comment	How do we get our toddler to gain weight? I'd like to add a bit to what @corvus melori said... If you ped told you that she was a little light and could stand to gain a few pounds, and then offered nothing in the way of information on exactly how, then IMO it's time for a new ped. At the very least, you should have been given a link. A dietary handout sheet of some sort would have been better. Telling you there's a problem then not giving you info or options on how to take care of it is simply not cool.
Jan 23	asked	How can I tell parents of a 1-year-old that they're doing it wrong?
Jan 23	comment	How do I tell my mom that I am not Christian? (contd) Realistically, tho, a 15 yr old isn't really equipped to deal with the repercussions which could feasibly be pretty drastic. Even life altering.
Jan 23	comment	How do I tell my mom that I am not Christian? It is not unrealistic to hope the parent will be accepting of their childs path in life, regardless of their age. It is unfair, however, to expect the child to be more concerned about the parents 'feelings' than about his own feelings about his current life path. It's a 2 way street and if the child is trying to be an adult, then the parent should try as well. Bottom line: this suggestion is simply honest. its always the best approach. If they cant accept it (note I didnt say LIKE) then that is on the parent along with any long term effects that theyll both have to deal with.