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Dec
23
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
@anongoodnurse I fail to see how asking for examples of suitable discussions is changing the question. Actually, giving examples of good topics where parents can disagree in front iof the kids is the only way the answer the question in a constructive and concrete way, is it not?
Dec
23
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Ok, I understand. I'll edit in another way.
Dec
22
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Well, I can only refer to the works of scholars such as Pierre Ryckmans, who wrote this and knows the topic. However, not sure if it relevant to this discussion.
Dec
21
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
@T.J.Crowder "Lots of societies have long experience of living together" yes, but none has a longer and more massive continuous experience in this domain than China.
Dec
21
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
"there are some flavors and textures that a majority of children just don't like." this is wrong, a simple cultural biais. I have seen little 5/6 yo girls from Sichuan prefer very spicy lung meat (fuqi fei pian) over crepes with sugar. My own kids prefer soup over chocolate candy: they /think/ they like chocolate because they have been told to, but when they get some the eat a bit and then put it discreetly in the dustbin.
Dec
18
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
What I also want to avoid is the kid asking father, then asking mother, and managaing to get different answers, gaming the system. So we try to avoid the need to reach a consensus, having each our domain of competence and authority. For example, for clothes, I can discreetly voice my preference for grayish solid neutral tissues but the last word will be my wife's (and she will take my prefs into account). For something like going shopping alone, if the kids ask her, she will tell them to ask me. And I will know her opinion in advance, and will decide accordingly.
Dec
16
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Sorry, I wrote above "I do want to force you to agree" but I meant "I do not want to force you to agree" obviously. And it seems I can't edit my comments.
Dec
16
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
I do want to force you to agree, I'd like to hear more on the other side. For example, my parents have never shown any form of disagreement when I was young. Why so? Was it bad? Who told them not to?
Dec
16
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Close people "must fight"? I think this is a very cultural view. In Asia people do not fight openly. Yes, in some Western movies you see people fight all the time, but is it a good model? And maybe, just maybe, a part of parenting problems come from this perpetual exposure of strong opinions on everything by everyone.
Dec
16
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
I feel I'm not fully satisfied with this answer, and even less with the others. I take that parents being wrong is not a problem, and it can happen and can be explicit. However, I do not think it is fair to let kids (<7 yo) believe they have a voice in a real "discussion". They do not have well pondered personal opinions on any important topic, and lighter topics like choice of marmelade do not need to be discussed. I do not want to mimic discussion when it is fake. Therefore, I do not want parents to disagree in front of the kids.
Dec
15
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
I don't understand you: it is "perfectly fine to disagree in front of children" but we should "provide a united front at all times" and "discuss differences of opinion in private"?
Dec
15
comment Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
"breaking any law is unacceptable": why? I'd understand that some principles are not arguable, but laws? Not a lawyer but I suspect I break "laws" every day.
Dec
15
comment Should I let my baby play with oranges?
@AmericanUmlaut let's discuss this in a better place: parenting.stackexchange.com/questions/23377/…
Dec
8
comment Should I let my baby play with oranges?
We are talking about little children here. Resolving disagreements can be educative for 15 years old, but I would avoid it below 5.
Dec
8
comment Should I let my baby play with oranges?
Yes, I edited my answer
Mar
26
comment My son 1 year slaps me and people on their face
Why limit this to physical violence? In fact many bad behaviors are not physical but can be worse, no? For me a lie resulting in someone else being punished or in trouble is worse, for example.
Mar
26
comment My son 1 year slaps me and people on their face
"needs to understand why it's wrong": this has it's limits, sometime it's wrong, and there is no "why". If you think carefully, not peeing on your neighbour's flowers is wrong, but there is no reason for it to be wrong.
Jan
6
comment Loud Screaming to attract attention
Thanks @monsto you understand me. There was no danger at all, just normal baby cries, the meaning was clearly "I want Mama near me NOW!". About, "better not let her win", what I mean is that it is better if both the parents and the baby know (by experience) that parents will not bend if they do not want to. With my 4yo boy I let him bend me to his wills very often, and do it light-hearted, because we both know I will not bend if i do not want to (e.g. if I think there is some danger, or he is trespassing some red line).
Jan
6
comment Loud Screaming to attract attention
Yes, "forced", because she was loosing her self-control. She agreed with me before that we had to do this. But with her baby crying she was not herself anymore so i had to "force" a bit. I was crying inside too, mind you, but sometime you shan't hear this inside voice.
Jan
2
comment Loud Screaming to attract attention
@balancedmama it depends, not for hours obviously but the important point is to show the kid you are a loving partent, not a kind of "come here immediately" slave. Same idea as answer by Rory Alsop.