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location St Paul, MN
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visits member for 3 years, 2 months
seen Apr 1 '12 at 18:21

May
24
awarded  Yearling
Apr
25
awarded  Popular Question
Apr
1
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
Thanks for the comment. Regarding being "anti-religious," I admit to having a massively difficult time allowing my child to be taught that some X is a verified fact when I do not believe it to be so. When you say you have no objection to religion, do you mean you have no objection to individual believing in, say, bread becoming flesh, even if it's not true? if we didn't teach them something was true or "raise them Catholic" but simply lived our parallel lives, are you saying that would be psychologically detrimental (assuming no blatant fighting/arguing in front of them)?
Dec
2
awarded  Nice Question
Oct
3
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@WilliamGrobman: I didn't specify in the question or comment. The quote was as-is. And if we went back in time and flat/roundism was still an unsurety, I'd be as equally hesitant to indoctrinate my kids in it. Time establishes reliability as new evidence is uncovered and successful predictions are made. That's what I'm comfortable teaching as true. I don't get what your gripe is about.
Oct
2
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@William Grobman: "Universally established as truth" means "as far as we know, this is the most reliable and successfully predictive thing we have." Altruism (whatever the definition used) very well might fall into the "debated bucket," just like religion. I'm talking about things which have proven themselves against contending theories and won. While there still is a flat earth society, do you hold that us "rounders" are flying by the seat of our pants on "consensus" -- or is oblate spheroidism safe enough to call "universally established as truth"?
Jun
27
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
I read this as advocating for #2, "We both fight for our children's minds and teach-as-true our opposing views" -- is that correct? Could you spell out what's harmful about raising them "aware" (but not indoctrinated) in a world that clearly hasn't converged on a religious truth? In other words, #3 recognizes that no religious path has managed to sway earth's inhabitants to the degree that, say, facts supporting a heliocentric universe, a round earth, evolution, or mathematics have. Thus #3 suggests not pretending that there is an objective/agreed upon answer when raising children.
Jun
27
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@Beofett -- thanks for the support. I find it ironic to be harassed when I'm specifically trying to find information that would prevent any psychological damage to my children. So much so that I'd choose to let her "raise them Catholic" if psychological studies show that being in a conflicted environment were harmful, despite my personal conclusion on the matter.
Jun
26
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@tomjedrz: you know nothing about me; hence, why wouldn't I be a bit bothered by someone dropping in on a Q&A site to tell me my reasons for why I don't believe? How was my comment disrespectful (to you or the church)? And how was your comment not characteristic of a sort of harassment? It's puzzling to me that so many Christians feel some compulsive need to make comments regarding others' reasons for not believing [the same religion they happen to believe]. Honestly, my thought when I read your comment was, "Get lost -- this isn't what this site is for."
Jun
23
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@tomjedrz: Doubt all you want. 1) Un-respectfully, I accept that the common thought is that one leaves for moral, emotional, or psychological reasons, and thus the non-believer is always to blame for deconversion. You would be incorrect in your assumptions along those lines. 2) Yes, I'm willing to break that commitment, since I cannot promise to do something based on what I no longer believe is true. Also, for my second daughter, I participated only via my presence; I spoke no words.
Jun
18
awarded  Commentator
Jun
18
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@Ready: Haha! No, I didn't quite not the Bible said that. I suspect it said something more like, "Wives be submissive to your husband; husbands are the head of the household as Christ is the head of the Church," or something to that effect :) Some have stated that if the husband is not acting Christ-like, they do not have to fulfill the analogy.
Jun
16
comment Should we use a smiley chart to reward/punish our toddler?
@TorbenGB: Ah. Got it. I wonder if colors vs. graphical shapes would help then. Perhaps upon review, one could use verbal cues to point out a long string of a certain color so that lots of that color starts clicking as the desired goal?
Jun
16
comment Should we use a smiley chart to reward/punish our toddler?
I agree with @MichaelF, though when our daughter was 18-24mos, I do think she grasped voice intonation. We rewarded her with "goood giirrl" in a very gentle/smiling tone as opposed to a firm, "No, no" for actions we didn't want. She began doing what she was supposed to do and saying "Good girl" (more like "Guh Guh") herself, which strikes me as showing that she understood she was doing the favored action. Voice tone and touch might be more effective than visual symbols?
Jun
16
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@TorbenGB: One other comment re. studies... 1) I think the answer could come from the psychological arena, not necessarily parenting. Studies might examine the effects on a young child in a home in which any central belief/practice were disagreed upon. 2) While a form of google might be able to be used, some here might already be familiar with the literature, and could bring the data to this particular question -- this can be stumbled upon by searchers later.
Jun
16
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@TorbenGB: Holy cow -- nice answer. I have a feeling that we could correspond for a very loooong time. Kudos on finding my blog -- how did you come across it? My situation is a bit trickier in that I deconverted only after I was married, which definitely makes things difficult. My wife is also a very strong believer and I can't see us coming to the agreements that you may have, say about baptism or not going to church. In any case, I appreciate the input.
Jun
15
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@MichaelF: Yes, agreed. If raised religious, they may be more curious about my non-belief later on. Or if raised non-religious, they may be more curious about my wife's belief later on. I could see it either way. Still looking for more definitive statements on this.
Jun
15
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@Michael: Yes, maybe. This is my first post on this site and I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is it that ridiculous to request data to support conclusions one way or the other? I'm only mildly concerned about the later-in-life effects of indoctrination, but that's what everyone is commenting about. I'm very concerned with psychological effects of raising children in a divided household and simply am asking for definitive answers on these topics one way or the other. All I've received is speculation.
Jun
15
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@Beofett: Indeed, and thanks for the comments. The point re. the examples is that you said (paraphrase): "Have faith in your kids, outcome X occurred for you, after all." I illustrated an example aiming to show that regardless of what outcome I experienced, there may be data quite indicating that such an outcome is not, by any means, the statistically predicted one. Thus, I should take into account data and studies, not my history.
Jun
15
comment What are the psychological impacts of a split-religion household?
@Beofett: Having faith in my children and being aware of statistical prediction rules are quite different :) Not in the same ballpark, but this would be akin to saying that if I beat my children, I should "have faith" that they'll turn out emotionally resilient anyway. Data says different, and hence I'm looking for data on this. I also wasn't raised a Christian, but converted later in life, and then deconverted about 8 years later.