449 reputation
28
bio website
location California
age 42
visits member for 3 years, 6 months
seen Oct 10 at 22:33

Oct
10
comment How to discipline 2yo who still does not talk
I think a warning is appropriate if you have reason to believe the child didn't know the behavior was wrong or the rule is new and he hasn't integrated his awareness of it yet. However, outside of those conditions, I believe that warnings are disrespectful to children, and in fact are counterproductive. If you are 100% consistent and the child gets the negative result every time, no matter what (and it doesn't have to be punishment, better forms of discipline can work), then he will better integrate the rule. Giving warnings is harmful.
Jun
4
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
This. Thank you. This was much better than a list of moral obligations.
Jun
4
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
Put this another way: How are we supposed to know that a simple "no gifts, please" on an invitation, in a culture with the tradition of giving gifts, is about a deeply-held belief trumping other beliefs and requiring no questioning?
Jun
4
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
What I was trying to say was: is there a reason you personally, here on this web site, can't answer the question "what kind of harm is there in giving a gift to someone"? You haven't invited me to a no-gifts party; I crave understanding; would you be so kind as to elucidate? I do totally understand not bringing gifts to a party when someone has requested so; but I'd like to get deeper than a list of rules.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
It's not a violation of "lesson" 2 because you haven't invited me to a no-gifts party. About "when in Rome," doesn't that apply to the party-throwers (being in society) just as much? I'm truly interested to learn what I'm missing; the way I see it, merely asserting the moral <strike>lessons</strike> arbitrary rules without good support (being able to answer without referring to the rules to support the rules) is a poor argument.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@IlmariKaronen Fair enough. I certainly wouldn't force a gift on someone, especially at a party. Something about the way things were being said set me off--my apologies.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@SteveJessop You are 100% correct.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
I think this is a poor analogy. What kind of harm is there in giving a gift to someone? The ethos of "always respect others' beliefs" is a poor absolute guide--couldn't one of the invitees have a belief that giving gifts at parties is a sign of affection and respect (and not doing so is disrespectful)? Now the party-inviters are trampling on their beliefs! If I write a letter to everyone I know and tell them that I have a firm belief in giving gifts, must they respect my belief by, when inviting me to no-gift parties, granting me a special belief-respecting dispensation to give a gift?
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
@Doc Why wouldn't it be okay to give a gift? Are you allowed to give gifts to people any other day of the year? Why on this one particular day are people not allowed to give gifts? When I give a gift to someone, I don't ask his permission first. It is up to him what he wishes to do with the gift.
Jun
3
comment My son wants to bring a present to a birthday party where “no presents” was specified on the invitation
My past reading of manners advice about situations like this is that the inviters specifying "no gifts" is actually not the most polite thing to do in the first place...
May
14
awarded  Yearling
May
14
revised How can we discipline a strong-willed, misbehaving 5 year-old?
added 768 characters in body
May
3
awarded  Nice Answer
Apr
13
comment How can I prevent my 8-year-old from spending time with his bad friend?
@Borat No arguments there--help as much as you can. But your own child's safety is paramount.
May
17
comment My son Is 5 years Old and sexually active
You said: in such age the child still doesn't really have "sexuality" of his/her own; it's not like he enjoys what he's doing in a sexual way". Do you have any research to support this? I think it is a preposterous claim. Children may not fully understand sex, but they can definitely get erogenous sexual pleasure from it, including orgasms. I think it is irresponsible to make such claims without proper evidence.
Jan
1
comment How concerned should we be about Mice coming into the baby's room?
Third, get a cat or three.
Jan
1
comment Should we circumcise our son?
It is certainly clear that removing the foreskin does not affect one's ability to receive sexual stimulation and achieve orgasm. But your experience that with a circumision you have adequate erogenicity (if such is a word) says nothing about its benefits or drawbacks compared to being intact. Nothing. How do you know you're not missing anything? You've never experienced the other side!
Jan
1
comment Should we circumcise our son?
Those who make the argument that removing an organ results in fewer diseases to that organ (thus removal is beneficial) completely overlook the utter irony: the "health" benefits apply because the organ is gone, not because the organ is itself a risk. Did you know that if you remove your child's hands he will never burn them on the stove, either? There is a gigantic and unwarranted presupposition here: the foreskin is useless or even harmful, like an appendix--a prejudgment is made that its "ectomy" is acceptable. Only then does the "amputate" argument start to sound like sense.
Jan
1
comment Should we circumcise our son?
@SteveTaylor Incorrect. Circumcision removes much of the ridged band (NSFW: penis picture). The band "contains more Meissner's corpuscles than does the smooth mucosa and exhibits features of specialized sensory mucosa. ... The amount of tissue loss estimated in the present study is more than most parents envisage from pre-operative counselling. Circumcision also ablates junctional mucosa that appears to be an important component of the overall sensory mechanism of the human penis."
Jan
1
comment saving uneaten dinner for breakfast?
I agree with a lot of what you've said. I do something similar, though haven't been as nuanced about exact portion size (and perhaps ought to). I avoid making it a power struggle by just treating the food at the next meal as an accomplished fact. If my son has made an effort to eat and has eaten some of everything, then there is no holdover--the issue is, as you say, rejecting food that he even likes in favor of dessert or some activity he is excited about. Ironically, he has asked many times for his leftover dinner to be his morning snack. I feel good about helping not be a picky eater.