5,485 reputation
923
bio website tomjedrz.com
location California
age 49
visits member for 3 years, 5 months
seen Oct 20 at 2:28
Husband, Father, Catholic ... also a corporate IT stooge, just waiting for the scorn and ridicule to be heaped upon me.

Mar
27
comment What do we do when timeouts are not effective?
A friend once told me that as parents, you get "lots of at bats". You don't have to get it right every time, but you have to keep trying. A single error does little harm, but consistent errors do great harm.
Mar
27
comment What do we do when timeouts are not effective?
@AskBjørnHansen You miss my point. You need to parent, to exercise authority, and to be in control when your child is young. The police officer who gives you a traffic citation for driving too fast is not "resolving conflict", he is enforcing the rules and exercising authority. And next time, you are going to slow down on the that street.
Mar
26
comment What do we do when timeouts are not effective?
Parental discipline is not about resolving conflict, it is about managing behavior and teaching proper responses to parental authority. The child learning that yelling at Mommy results in a shoulder pinch does not translate into child thinking it is OK to punch an irritating classmate. Mine didn't.
Mar
26
comment What do we do when timeouts are not effective?
@mmr The methods can be applied independent of one's religiosity ... they are entirely behavioral. Corporal punishment is advocated because, in his view, when properly done it is effective. My experience confirms this. Be aware that properly done includes never, ever, using corporal punishment when angry.
Mar
26
comment What do we do when timeouts are not effective?
The kid is THREE .. discussion, persuasion and explanation do not work. The chart isn't a bad idea though.
Mar
25
comment How do you prepare for the “terrible twos”?
Disagree .. this isn't about teaching the kid to express themselves .. it is about teaching the child to control their behavior. I never had any trouble knowing what my two-year-old daughter wanted.
Mar
25
comment How do you prepare for the “terrible twos”?
You don't. There is no preparation. Be afraid, be very afraid. ;-) Seriously .. search the site for "tantrum". Remember .. parenting requires courage! Good luck.
Mar
25
comment How can we avoid tantrums over sweets and cakes?
-1 .. doesn't even pretend to answer the question, just lectures about the evils of sweets.
Mar
20
comment Should I use a child harness?
We used a harness in busy places .. travelling, amusement parks, the mall .. mainly to avoid her getting lost in the crowds.
Mar
20
comment Is it reasonable to put limits on a pre-teen playing video games?
I don't care if the video games are the cause .. this is about rewarding desired behavior and punishing undesirable behavior. If the kid loves video games, then they are a powerful incentive.
Mar
15
comment Is it reasonable to put limits on a pre-teen playing video games?
@Treb I agree in theory but not in practice. Except in the most demanding of classes, grades are virtually 100% correlated with effort and discipline.
Mar
11
comment evaluating social/emotional development
I abhor the "Stepford child" attitude I see so frequently. On no, my child isn't "normal". There is no "normal", just as there is no "average". We spend far too much time and effort applying standards to our kids and then worrying about differences.
Mar
11
comment evaluating social/emotional development
@all "It helps to know what is socially/emotionally expected ... " is the problem. How can it be measured? If the goal is a "happy well adjusted child", then evaluate if your child is happy and well adjusted. If not, find out what and help your child. If yes, then who cares if the child has fewer friends than peers, or doesn't text message 100x/day, or only gets 1 birthday party invitation a month, or whatever measure some academic comes up with. This is one area where you should TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
Mar
8
comment evaluating social/emotional development
What is the point? What changes would less than stellar results lead you to make? Perhaps you should just make those changes ...
Feb
27
comment How can I stop repeating myself?
I agree with the praise, but it sounds to me like you are doing a lot of negotiating and "cajoling." Here is the thing. You want the kid to comply, without hesitation, because you said so. You don't want the kid to evaluate the command and decide on compliance or not. You want it to be a habit .. Dad speaks, kid complies, without discussion, without argument, without negotiation. The only way to get there is to apply punishment immediately upon non-compliance, every time, without hesitation.
Feb
27
comment Is the “1 2 3 Magic” strategy for disciplining effective?
The "straight to punishment" part IS THE ENTIRE POINT. If the kid knows you are going to say it twice, there is no reason to listen the first time. If the parent has been repeating and getting angry consistently, it might take 50 cycles of speak, wait, punish for the kid to figure it out and adapt. But believe me, the kid will eventually adapt.
Feb
22
comment How do you get a child to eat?
Please clarify ... is he normal for height and weight, and is he getting nutrition some other way, such as from a bottle or breast?
Feb
22
comment What would be a effective way to explain pornography?
The idea is that you can't prevent them from exposure, but you can help them realize how terrible and destructive it is, so that they will have second thoughts.
Feb
21
comment Help for my friend's pre-schooler who eats too much
This strikes me as something that should be brought up to a doctor.
Feb
19
comment How can I address issues that concern me at daycare (and school) without creating tension with the staff?
@TorbenGundtofte-Bruun The problem can only be faced and resolved if the provider is willing to listen and take action. My point is that if they are not willing to do so, that unwillingness should be properly weighted.