5,447 reputation
922
bio website tomjedrz.com
location California
age 49
visits member for 3 years, 2 months
seen Jul 24 at 16:22
Husband, Father, Catholic ... also a corporate IT stooge, just waiting for the scorn and ridicule to be heaped upon me.

Apr
14
comment Is the “1 2 3 Magic” strategy for disciplining effective?
Sure, and I imagine that you were generally strict such that your kids obeyed in general. The OP has a situation of kid not listening, so overly strict seems necessary.
Apr
8
comment Addressing bad behavior after the fact
+1 I agree with TGB ... and would in fact second the notion that intentional disobedience must be dealt with harshly. I define "a while" as within the memory. Also, don't be concerned about who instigates, be concerned about choices your child makes and actions your child takes. It matters little who thought of it.
Apr
6
comment How can I stop repeating myself?
@Kevin I thought I got pedantic. I said "a second or two" as in a "small amount of time", like "hold on a second", not "1 or 2 seconds" as an exact unit of time. However long you think it takes the child to process and not much longer.
Apr
5
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök I don't have a huge problem with my child suffering a few wet kisses from Aunt Maggie. IMHO that is preferable to risking hurt feelings. Emerson once said that "Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices."
Apr
2
comment Advice for carrying out the “Stay in Bed” technique with our 2-year-old
+1 @TorbenGundtofte-Bruun I was (and still am) the same way .. sleep is a necessary evil.
Apr
2
comment Advice for carrying out the “Stay in Bed” technique with our 2-year-old
I imagine they edited out a bunch of the repetitive "say nothing and put the child back", if for no other reason than time constraints.
Apr
2
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök .. OK fine. Are you saying that when one is angry one should express it .. red face and clenched fists and all? I say NO. One must be able to control one's actions in the midst of strong emotion. When the impulse is to punch rather than to be rude, you certainly agree with me. But the concept is exactly the same.
Apr
2
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
In the situation being discussed, how exactly would the child openly and honestly express their feelings while being polite? When in doubt, be polite.
Apr
1
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök You certainly did make the equation to which I refer ... "... forcing him/her to be always polite and nice with everyone, effectively making her totally repress her internal feelings and thoughts ... "
Apr
1
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök My reading of your answer is essentially Yes, but No. It depends. Enforcing courtesy is good, but the child should not repress. Punishing the child is good, but explain to the child. Behaving properly is great as long as they understand why. Kumbaya. My approach is more direct and specific. I think that is really the difference.
Apr
1
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök The phrasing is important here. One should not attempt to control one's emotions ... that is destructive in the long run. One should control one's actions and behaviors when experiencing strong emotions. I don't care if my child viscerally despises crazy Aunt Sally as long as she is polite and courteous in her presence.
Apr
1
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök You made the equation, not me. As to the false choice you press for the remainder .. punishing for transgressions does not exclude explaining the reasons for the expectations. Train children to behave properly; the why can follow.
Mar
31
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
Courtesy is the lubrication that allows society to function, and the lack of a filter between feelings and actions is destructive. Parents who do not teach the ability to control one's words and actions are failing their children and society at large. Do we really want our children to be like the reality show buffoons who shout whatever infantile thoughts come into their little brains?
Mar
31
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök Of course courtesy is a means, not an end. But it is most necessary when it is most difficult. The (nonsensical IMHO) concern about "repressing inner feelings" essentially gives one an excuse to be rude at the times when courtesy is most needed!
Mar
30
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@morahhochman Keeping ones feelings to oneself at inappropriate times is exactly the skill that you need to be teaching. It is a truly necessary skill for getting along with others.
Mar
30
comment Fostering a relationship with a relative your child doesn't like
@PéterTörök When one is uncomfortable or irritated or angry are the times when politeness and courtesy are most necessary. It is easy to be friendly and polite to someone you like. The real test of character is our ability to be courteous and polite to people we do not like or do not respect.
Mar
30
comment Guided Meditation for Children
I am sure you can figure something out ...
Mar
28
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
And in the meantime your kid inflicts all manner of unpleasantness on those around you unable to ignore it. Who exactly is in charge in your family? Part of parenting is teaching your child respect for your authority and that inappropriate actions have consequences. Your child is learning neither when you ignore his tantrums.
Mar
28
comment How can you deal with tantrums without spanking?
@JeffAtwood ... it has been 10 months, and you said "we try ...". Has it worked?
Mar
28
comment How do you wash a toddler's hands in a public restroom?
+1 Nice idea .. I hadn't thought of that.