Hot answers tagged

58

I have been working (programming) from home for 6 years now and have 3 children (7, 5, 2). It is certainly possible, but I think the most important thing is a home office. An office with a locking door is essential. I always work in my office with the door shut. If I have a conference call or really need to put my head down I will lock the door. Every now ...


49

What most of the answers imply but don't out and out say which should be made absolutely clear is that if you're the one caring for the child (as opposed to just being in the house at the same time as the child and the other parent/nanny/carer) it's close to impossible in the long term. Generally the workable situations people talk about assuming another ...


42

You're only 25 years old, your oldest hasn't even started school yet, your youngest is 9 months old, and you want another? Wow, your wife is in a hurry. My immediate impression is that your wife is living in a dream world, striving toward some fantasy that she perhaps hasn't shared with you yet. You definitely need to talk more - and go deeper in those ...


42

This is actually a pretty common problem. Basically, it boils down to you starting to stand on your own but your parents not liking some of the decisions you've made. They feel that you still need their guidance and protection and you feel that you don't. It's a struggle that pretty much everyone goes through at some point. Everyone's situation is different, ...


36

Going from your answers and with my gut-feeling: Try to get your counsellor to REALLY push for some family-sessions. These are NOT for "you did this, so I did that" blaming, but hopefully for supervised LISTENING. Right now, the relationship to your father sounds deeply broken from both sides, and you both need help to understand each other again. If your ...


23

From all the classes I have taken (I have a Bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies), we learned that the primary factors influencing child outcomes when both parents work is the happiness of the parents with their roles. Looking back through one of my textbooks (Child, Family, School, Community: Socialization and Support 7th ed. by Roberta ...


20

My wife, almost two weeks after a C-section, is able to do practically all work related to baby care. Only baths are left to me, and even then she does assist me. I'd like to think we do 50% of the work, but actually she probably does more. I am currently on a leave and soon I will go to work - and during the day she will have to take care of our baby on her ...


18

It's normal for spouses to have disagreements, even on the big things. It doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is in trouble. It means you have a problem to work through together. Hopefully you talked about children before deciding to get married. However, even if you did, no one really understands what being a parent is like until they experience it. ...


18

While you asked about pro/con of more children, I am going to take a step back and puzzle something out of the arguments you presented. Note that your arguments are either very logical (bigger house, more money) or a little constructed (as someone pointed out - age gap and time to kids doesn't really work like that). A side note: One thing you have not ...


18

First of great you took the step to counseling, you should continue your visits. But do not expect immediate results, this will likely be a slow process. If I understand your situation somewhat you made some bad choices in (boy)friends and now your father doesn't trust any of your friends anymore. You need to show your father he can trust you again and this ...


16

We're still relatively new to the situation (7 months in; 3 if you discount the leave my wife and I took from work after our son was born), but we've definitely noticed some pros and cons, particularly in the daycare vs. nanny/SAH parent. Pro Socialization. We've definitely seen some real boost in developmental growth in certain areas due to the time our ...


15

You are asking very difficult question. I grew up with a working mom in a former Soviet Union, and most of my classmates had working moms. I don't think it had any negative impact. On the positive side, I was pretty independent from around 9 years old - I took public transportation and went to activities myself. Luckily she was pretty flexible when it ...


15

Wow!! I feel for you. Being a new parent is exhausting, nerve-wracking and a little confusing = it really does take a village. To anwer the question about what your wife can or cannot do, I'll share my experience (though everyone's is different and I don't know which complications she had etc, etc) I had a c-section and was up and moving around doing ...


14

As a former military wife, I had to work through this stuff with my son, too. The most important things you can do are to help them understand what's going on, provide a connection to Daddy when he's gone, maintain consistent routines and expectations, and give your kids a sense of control over things. I suggest: Keep a family calendar so they can see ...


14

Toddlers go through phases quickly, and it sounds like he's in the middle of a NEVER PUT ME DOWN phase. It sounds like he is just crying as a way to relieve stress -- in his mind, he had a tough day, and when you're finally home he wants to let you know just how hard it was being a toddler all day long. (I think that is perhaps why he cries even more if you ...


14

Be honest about why you are leaving. It sounds like a really terrible job that is giving you nothing but a paycheck, and you don't necessarily need the paycheck. That's a wonderful reason to leave. "This is making me very unhappy, I want to follow my dream, and here is my plan for enacting my dream." Focus on the positives. You aren't very specific about ...


13

This answer is somewhat in vein of @user1450877, but more specific. As others noted, the main problem is that your parents don't trust your judgement. In a superficial way, it's a situation similar to someone with a poor credit history, and the solution is similar as well. As a parent, the only way to regain that trust is to tangibly demonstrate a ...


12

It's just like anything else. You set limits and you enforce them. Being a video game enthusiast myself, I wanted to point out a few things you might want to consider in setting those limits. Some games are very easy to set down at any time, and some aren't. Some games can only be saved at fixed checkpoints. Some have cut scenes that can't be paused or ...


12

Parents often try to keep their children from ever having to be uncomfortable. It's a laudable goal, but not only is it unattainable, it often backfires to make it worse. The least traumatic in the long term way to leave the house is to have a going away ritual and a coming home ritual. Say, "I'm going to work," give them a hug, be happy, and leave ...


11

I'm late to the party, but I have a little bit to add. I've been working from home with an infant/toddler for over a year. No daycare, mom works part time. The main difference is the social aspect. The secondary one is you have to take your normal amount of telecommuting discipline and multiply it by 5. As everyone else has said (it's the best advice) ...


11

We had to send my son to daycare by the time he was 3 months old. My wife got 4 weeks of maternity leave, and then used 4 weeks of vacation to extend it to two months. I had saved up 4 weeks of vacation/personal time as well, so I took over staying home once my wife had to go back to work. At 3 months, we started taking our son to a friend who was ...


11

It is very likely that daycare will allow you to bring refrigerated or frozen breast milk and that your partner will be able to pump at work, but it takes dedication and logistics. I will share my experience, as it worked for us and was improved over months of trial/error. I went back to work when my baby was 3 months old. Each day, (after nursing my ...


10

I've been working from home for years, have 2 kids (6yrs old and 3) and it is possible to get work done and be productive. You need to establish how and when you work and be consistent. Kids need for the rules to apply everytime so what ever you come up with stick to it. I will work with the door to my office closed if I cannot be disturbed and even a 1 ...


10

It turns out that most of these laws vary state to state. I did some research and this site has the US federal, and state by state laws relating to breastfeeding. In my own state, Oregon, Or. Rev. Stat. § 653.075, § 653.077 and § 653.256 (2007) allow women to have unpaid 30-minute breaks during each four-hour shift to breastfeed or pump. Allows certain ...


10

It is hard to say what is best to do without knowing more information, but I'll share my thoughts based on what you said. I can't know what caused your parents to act the way they do, but it does not seem like a supportive environment for you now. If the situation is not downright abusive though (are you physically in danger?), I wouldn't suggest doing ...


8

I think you have already listed some of the pros and cons and many families cope with large numbers of children. This question really boils down to the relationship between you and your wife, possibly mediated by a counselor as suggested by DA01. So not really a parenting question. What can you and your wife agree on?


8

That depends a lot on the daycare and the age of the other kids. Where I live (The Netherlands), maternity leave ends when the baby is 12 weeks old, and then they go to daycare, usually just 2-3 days a week at first. This means that the staff is experienced with babies of this age, and they are well cared for. There is also a rule that in the groups of tiny ...


8

I don't see that you're lying to her when you send her to her room and then sneak out - that sounds more like tricking her. My question is, will this kind of "lying" to her have any long lasting psychological effects of her when she grows up ? I am not a psychologist but I don't think this will give her permanent problems. But it can very well give ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible