Tag Info

Hot answers tagged

24

There are no easy answers. You need to seek professional help and encourage your mother to do the same. A domestic violence helpline is a good place to start. Be patient and supportive, and help her get into a position where she is strong and self confident enough to do what she needs to do for herself.


16

To quote from The Future of Play Theory: A Multidisciplinary Inquiry into the Contributions of Brian Sutton-Smith: Findings from studies of war toys are diverse, if sparse. War toys have been found to enhance aggression (Sanson and Di Muccio, 1993; Turner and Goldsmith, 1976; Watson and Peng, 1992) reduce aggression (Bonte and Musgrove, ...


14

Ohhh man! This is the oldest question in psychology. How violence affects our children. No matter what, like TV, or video games, or whatever. If you want some research material on this subject, just look at the Google results for how violence affects children. Now. Let me tell you an answer for this. When I was studying psychology I had tons of surveys ...


12

Some google-fu got me to the paper Cartoon violence and aggression in youth (pdf) from 2006: Across the early and middle childhood, laboratory experiments using cartoons with comedic violence have consistently failed to demonstrate significant differences in person-oriented aggression. [...] Field experiments have consistently shown that ...


11

Stop struggling with your child. Stop fighting with your child. Stop vying for power with your child. Control the things you can. You decide what food you buy, where you guys live, which school he attends, who your family spends time with... You cannot control him. You cannot control his every behaviour, his every action. Make yourself clear. Explain ...


11

An adult who has been assaulted should consider calling the police. If for some reason that is not possible they should consider getting in touch with a local domestic violence helpline. A young adult who has been assaulted in a house where there are other younger children who are also at risk of violence should strongly consider calling either the police; ...


10

First off let me applaud you loudly for taking this step. Many in similar situations are too ashamed to admit it to others. Your mother is one example. Unfortunately, this is a large complex problem, which we can help only minimally online. Google abused women help Which resources look useful to you? In the United States, many cities have shelters ...


9

When my children were growing up we had several mantras, and one was "we don't hit". You really cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them, nor not to scream by screaming at them etc. Dealing physically with a hitter is easier when you have been picking them up and holding them your whole life. A toddler can be very strong and squirmy, and you can't be ...


8

It sounds like the situation (and your daughter) are suffering for lack of consistent, appropriate discipline and an understanding of the cause of your daughter's behavior. First, get a discipline plan in place. You, your spouse, the nanny, and anyone else involved in your child's upbringing must stick to it or it won't work. It should go something like ...


7

Penny Holland, who lectures in Early Childhood Studies at the University of North London, authored a 2000 study on the effects of a zero tolerance policy for war, weapon, and superhero play. Finding that studies that sought to find a causal connection between war and weapon play and aggression in children and later adulthood were unable to prove such a link ...


6

ad 1) A Danish newspaper has an article with a child psychologist, from which I'll try to distill the essence. (I think Google Translate can give you a translation but the result is blocked on my network.) Even the smallest children can feel that something is bothering you, even if they only experience it second-hand, filtered, and fragmented. Parents of ...


6

I gave some thoughts in my answer to your related question. I would also like to react to your comment to Rory: what do I advise my son to do in such a situation. He currently tends to running away crying (at worst with tears) where I'm not sure if it is the best way. For sure, beating back isn't neither... That is surely not the best way, as it gives ...


5

Have you considered trying to listen to his perspective and to understand what is going on in his mind and, more importantly, to understand how he feels? In addition to other things, the poor kid might be frustrated and not being understood, not being listened to, and being constantly told what to do. Perhaps his side of the story has not been heard. The ...


5

In my experience, which is both of the personal and professional kind, the problem lies not with your father, but with your mother. hey, ho, you're wrong, you scream while banging your fist in the air. Actually, hear me out. It isn't her fault that he is abusive, no, but the problem lies with your mother none the less. Someone mentioned the Stockholm ...


5

This is an old post but ima post for the benefit of anyone else that may need it... First to do is leave immediately. go where? neighbor, quik trip, whatever, but get away from the danger. "but what if they follow" can't worry about that. Stimulus, response. Fight or flight, get out. 2nd thing is call the police asafp. 3rd thing if you can stay put, do ...


5

If you want to know what effect watching cartoon violence will have on your children, you need look no further than yourself. As you said, you watched Tom & Jerry and Looney Tunes as a kid and you loved it. But you don't seem to have even remembered all the cartoon violence, (let alone been turned into a violent person by it,) or it wouldn't surprise ...


4

I'm not sure that at your daughter's age, she is totally capable of controlling herself or even understanding what an apology is. She does know or can feel the intense emotions that come during and after hitting. I would let her know that hitting isn't allowed and that you won't let her hurt another child. Move her away if need be and watch for signs that ...


4

Related to my answer on your other question: If they are in kindergarten, the responsibility should be on the staff there - if you step in and do something you could end up in trouble. Your only real option is to explain to the staff what happened, and insist that they do something about it. The staff may however say that as it is not dangerous, it is a ...


3

Do not allow your mother to be hit anymore. Call 911 immediately. Intervene if you can safely stop the abuse. If you have a camera (smartphone) and are afraid to intervene record the incident. Do not leave the scene because the police will arrive even if he leaves or takes her with him record his license plate. The police will give you two options. ...


3

Have your friend move out! As soon as possible. But that is only the first step, and you have to make sure it works - so prepare before acting: It sounds like that situation is in fact life-threatening, and that calls for serious action. The first step would be to get out harm's way immediately, and that in itself isn't as easy as just getting up and ...


3

Absolutely you should punish your daughter! Hitting, pushing, and other aggressive behavior is not permitted. Some negative consequence must be applied when she acts out in this way. I suggest that you put her in timeout, and if the conflict is about something, take the something away from your daughter and give it to the other child. As you have ...


2

There is a wonderful book called Killing Monsters by Gerard Jones. It was a paradigm shift for me in terms of children and violence. He discusses the research and the value in allowing children to have fantasy violence in their lives. If you take the time to delineate between fantasy and reality (one of the chapters in the book), all will be well!


2

I agree that running away isn't an effective option, and certainly fighting back is even worse. You might encourage him to stand his ground and just firmly and loudly tell the other child to stop. Then if that doesn't work, to call "Help!"


2

Looks like there is a lot of jealousy going on which has not been resolved for a long time. I suggest reading Siblings Without Rivalry. It addresses different scenarios and gives suggestion on what to do in different situation, including the ones you described above. Meanwhile I suggest: not to react to your daughter complains the way your husband does ...


2

Nobody hits in my household. No spanking, no violence, ever. If violence is unacceptable always, you have to jump on that behavior instantly, every time with a consequence. If violence is only sometimes unacceptable, when and where it's acceptable is a difficult thing to teach.


1

In addition to the above advice. You always need to protect your mother since you know this is happening. You don't know the fear she feels because you are on the outside looking in and I feel that this happened because she stepped in to save you on several occasions from his controlling ways and anger. You may feel immediately remorseful and scared but ...


1

Your father is an evil person. There is no hope for losers like him. Do not pay this scumbag anything. You already lost a lot because of him. As suggested, get help from a domestic helpline or even the cops. The ones in developed countries are usually helpful. Its highly likely that your mom suffers from Stockholm syndrome - ...


1

You're really doing the right thing to ask people for help, that's really responsible of you :-) From what you write, I'm getting the impression that you are beating and punishing your child or have done that fairly much in the past. I'm thinking, no wonder he has become the way he is. Usually the behavior of beating ones children is inherited from parent ...


1

I don't know where the idea that the behavior isn't dangerous is coming from. Bark mulch can be very damaging if caught in the eye. I don't think it likely, but if you talk to the staff and they think this is acceptable behavior, I would change schools honestly. Outside of that. It seems there is already some great advice in the other answers already ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible