Hot answers tagged

339

Firstly, I have to admit that while reading your question I was wondering if you're being serious. For me (as a hopeful future father with the same questions in mind), your solutions sound shocking and I would certainly advise against them. To reflect on some points... 1) "no TV ever, no movies, no pop music, no magazines" Does this also mean no friends? ...


65

For a different perspective: When I was in grade school, I had a friend that didn't have any type of TV service at home (they did have dial-up internet, but certainly no Netflix). I was completely unaware of this fact for a long time, until the first time I went to his house. There was a TV in the living room, but it was only used to watch home videos, and ...


61

Wow! Well, it sounds as though you want to be the perfect family, and the perfect parents. And it's easy to understand why. Who wouldn't want the best of everything for their children? I have a couple of general comments, I hope you'll find them useful. Oh and before I forget, congratulations on your soon-to-arrive new addition to the family! :) So... ...


52

We homeschool our kids, so perhaps I can provide a unique perspective. A lot of the other answers seem to be primarily worried about friends. People sparked friendships for millenia before television and public education, and they can do so today. It's hard to see when your own childhood friendships formed at school over common pop culture interests, but ...


37

While I think your intentions are good, I think that some of what you are doing will actually have negative effects. Dolls are a perfectly healthy toy - both my son and my daughters played with them. They also all played with toy shops, aeroplanes, racing cars, horses etc. My point is: they are toys. Whether they have any gender affiliation in your family ...


36

You lack one key: To be wonderful, to be amazing, to be successful, she must not be locked in this overwhelming strategy. Sadly, you are contributing to "this sexist world". It seems the motivation behind her future micro-managed life is that she is female, and as such will require much more "equipment" in order to survive. This is false. Your daughter ...


32

I have 3 daughters 7, 5, 3 years old. I didn't allow TV till 1 year ago when I was talked first into babysitting a large plasma while its' owner leaves the country for a year or two. Then it didn't take much to hook it up. I spend 1 hour in the last 6 months watching it. My daughters however deteriorated. Without TV it was possible to engage them, the two ...


29

Kids, just like adults, want to "be cool", to have fun and to have something they can share with their friends. TV, video games, pro wrestling, whatever. And the parts they want to talk about/reenact are going to be the ones that they find most fun or exciting. Think back to the last action movie you saw (for me it was probably Avengers or something ...


21

My daughter is about to turn 11, and I have similar hopes for her. Each of the paragraphs below is a category that her father and I have found to be influences on her in some way, and ways we try to approach them. Provide positive examples. This needs to be both men and women, of course: women who embody the values and confidence you hope for her to have, ...


21

No scientific, but anecdotal answer: We don't have a cable either and are in a very similar situation – IT pros with fast Internet. Our kids are 6 and 9. Both go to school / preschool and interact with other kids. While there will always be a group of kids that has seen everything that was on TV (square babysitter, you know...), others won't because their ...


17

Whether children get picked on has much less to do with the thing they are picked on for and much more to do with their social skills and general social standing. If your children asks to see something specific, make it available to them if it is appropriate for them to see, but concentrate on developing their social interaction skills. As a child I had ...


14

Violence and play fighting is an innate aspect of human behaviour. You can observe animals play fighting as well. Domestically, you can observe cats and dogs play fight, more commonly as juveniles. Our closest animal relative, chimps, are also known to wrestle and play chase. I don't believe the desire to play fight is mimicked from television (what ...


13

I think you're overthinking this a bit. It's great for brainstorming, but don't let little things like whether or not she gets to play with dolls distract you from your primary laudable goal of raising an amazing daughter. For instance, why wouldn't an intelligent and happy child be able to enjoy and possibly even benefit from a bit of TV? What's so ...


12

The biggest problem would be, as you state, the children not understanding the language and cultural references of their peers. I've even noticed this myself. I don't watch (or have) a TV, I don't care about or follow sports and I listen to music outside the norm. When I talk to colleagues or other parents, I have effectively nothing to have small talk ...


10

--- Disclaimer: Some might feel this answer to be hard to digest. --- Have you ever thought about what is happening in your kid's brains while they are watching TV? I mean, from a neuroscientistic perspective? Basically a fireworks of impressions without any chance to influence what is happening. A child in front of TV will absorb a flood of pictures, ...


9

Think about this: Born in 1988, I grew up with very limited access to TV, but full access to a computer in a common area that I sneakily used without permission or supervision. I went to a small private school with about 100 kids per grade until I was 18. The majority of casual conversation at school revolved around what kids had watched on television. ...


8

Why is kids picking up on 'inappropriate behavior' appropriate? "The social group basically polices itself and enforces the rules of social dominance, the social morays of the troupe, and monkeys who don't pay attention to those rules -who are overly aggressive in their interactions- don't last in that troupe very long. They're kicked out of the troupe. ...


7

I like what you are hoping to do. However, be very careful with how you approach raising your child in this manner! I was raised much like this... For the first 13 years of my life. There are numerous opportunities that I missed, chances to do things that would have been very helpful to me now. Also, once your daughter leaves her seclusion (and trust me, she ...


7

In my (admittedly anecdotal) experience our children have not experienced any harm from not watching TV, and may have benefitted from not having a TV around. When my then-girlfriend and I moved into our first apartment together we had a TV and had it plugged in - but the only 'person' who watched it was our dog, because we'd turn the TV on to keep him ...


6

I don't think it's bad at all to not have cable or satellite. My wife and I deliberately raised our children (eldest is almost 14, youngest is 9) without broadcast and cable TV. We do of course have a TV and a blu-ray player, and Internet access. Why'd we do it this way? Put simply, there's too much on TV that runs counter to the values we want our children ...


6

I'd like to take your post and translate it into a list of one-word goals for qualities you'd like your daughter to have, let me know if I seem to have missed anything or misinterpreted: Confidence Perseverance Individuality Happy Intelligent Knowledgeable Ambitious Your goals for your daughter sound very well-thought out. You clearly want the best for ...


6

By not trying to be perfect You seem to believe that children come into the world as blank slates, and that in order for them to grow up right you need to model your vision of perfection. This is impossible, you are setting yourself up for failure. Even if you were somehow to achieve perfection how will your daughter learn coping skills? What will happen ...


6

My gut feeling: three mechanisms combined. Monkey see, monkey do Children learn via observation. A lot. If this weren't true, we could never teach by example and have to explain in detail whatever we want them to do. This is true for the rules of interactive play as well. In your question you mention TV action heroes, but there are hundreds of little ...


5

First, let me just say that your English is very good, especially for it being your third language. You are clearly very well-educated and talented in your own right, and you want to give your daughter the best possible chance you can for a good and happy life in the future. Please, please for goodness sake do not try to control every aspect of her life. ...


5

It's unlikely your child will suffer negative social consequences due to not having broadcast TV in your home. TV is on the decline. At this point in time, cable/satellite television is not as big of a social influence as it would have been in yours or your husband's time. For instance, a survey found that 1/3rd of "Millennials" don't watch broadcast TV.1 ...


5

The American Association of Pediatrics is currently in the process of changing their recommendation for screen time for children. The policy currently is that screen time should be avoided before age 2, but they realize that the quality of screen time varies. Pediatricians have recognized the policy as outdated, since media is changing at such a rapid pace, ...


4

The medical community discourages passive screen time before two. And of course she's engaged for a couple hours. Flashing screens with beautiful colors and music are fascinating.


4

Just wanted to note: If you say completely NO to any kind of useless media like TV, films, actual books,... and you do only home schooling it will be pretty hard for your daugther to find friends. What should they talk about? Most kids speak about the lastest film, music, TV, internet memes, social networks or school events. Your daughter will not be able ...


4

I think the fundamental assumption of this question is wrong, the examples given are not violent behaviour, just physical emulation. Violence is defined as: Behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. After watching Wreck It Ralph, my son (who was under 2 at the time) also starting tapping everything ...


4

I understand your wife's fears, but I actually agree with you. Some time on TV or laptop is OK. I think that the most important aspects of such entertainment (tv, youtube, tablet, computer) is the quality of the experience you provide your kid with. Here are the rules we follow for Electronic Entertainment (EE) with our 2yo daughter: all EE is moderated, ...



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