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1

I agreed with many of the points offered with the most upvoted answers, but I felt that they all could include something more. I believe that having a detailed budget is the biggest aide in becoming financially independent and stable. You need to know how much many you have coming in, and how much money you have going out. Other answers have suggested ...


0

Where are the patrols when your stepdaughter is out at midnight? If she is not allowed out after 7, how did she get out? Were you not at home? Who are her friends? Where did she get the money to buy another phone? Why was the second phone not removed? If she could be put in lockdown for not wearing the niqab, I am struggling to believe that she is either ...


0

I'm going to come at this from the point of view of a student, and someone who moved from home when he was ready. I moved from home when I was 20, because I felt the desire to be independent and self-sufficient. That was a result of my personality and preferences. This choice lead to some tough times over the next couple years, but the times I lived on my ...


1

Parenting aside, as a life strategy I would recommend your child completing multiple internships before graduating into the real world. often simply getting a degree is not enough to get a job these days. Also the experience could guide the direction of his future studies. Getting paid is not exactly the issue at this point. It is the experience that is ...


1

I, too, am struggling with the uncontrolled laughter of my 22 year old son with ASD. He has always laughed occasionally at inappropriate times, but now he is older, more is expected of him, and it is very disruptive at school and at home. He, too, laughs when I get angry at him--I do believe that anger is a frightening emotion for people on the spectrum ...


0

If you want to show a child that something like homework is important, then you need to show them it's important and not tell them. I would set aside time with him specifically for working on homework, and help him with it. The best learning most often happens at home. In this case, you're not only helping him learn his school material, but you're teaching ...


2

I'm coming late to this discussion. I won't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what not to do. Don't call the police or involve the law in any way. The law will likely do far more damage than marijuana or ecstasy are likely to do. Even if you think that a stint in jail will "scare her straight", she will have a permanent stigma for life that will ...


3

I was in a similar position as your son not too many years ago. I think what it comes down to is that he needs to move out, more so for his own sake than yours. Parents may not realize it, but it's very difficult for your children to become independent when they live at home. Everything is done for them and they're treated like children. Moving out at 17 ...


1

I like @anongoodnurses answer. It goes into good detail, but I kind of skimmed it. My shorter and blunter answer is, you are enabling him quite a bit. No charging of room and board, cooking his meals, providing for his needs. Hey, if I had that kind of situation, where would be the motivation for me to get out and take responsibility for myself. It's a ...


6

[Note: I am not a parent, the below is based on my personal experience working my way through school while jealous of my peers whose parents did not make them get jobs during the semesters or summers, and now watching the experiences of my nieces in a very different world.] If you haven't taught your son how to cook meals for the family or do laundry, now ...


0

I appreciate you posting this. I have younger kids but this situation is definitely a fear of mine as a parent. I don't have the answer but it's obvious you love your son and are proud of him going to uni. Maybe you picked the path of Nurture vs. Nature and figured he would get a job if he needed it, and you don't want to push him away from uni to get a job. ...


4

It sounds like there are several things at play here. If your son typically doesn't spend any time with friends, it's likely he has social problems and a lack of confidence. Few young adults actually want to spend all their time at home playing video games, and I think it's very likely that he's completely aware of his situation but doesn't know how or ...


6

Speaking from someone who's been on the other side of this coin, I lived with my parents through college (It was a local college, so it just made sense as opposed to me living in the dorms). I had held a part time (<10 hours weekly) job for a bit of spending money, as opposed to receiving it on Christmas or birthday. Slowly through college my parents ...


1

He is over two years into adulthood and, unless we are missing information, fully capable of supporting his own basic needs if necessary. Many college students work part (or even full) time to put themselves through school, so your support is not a matter of survival. I think this is important to discuss with your partner. As is the fact that loving someone ...


8

I'm a little older, but I can see what's happening to people a few years younger than me and it's depressing. When I was his age there were jobs for people without experience. It wasn't too hard if you wanted to find some job for pocket money. People a little older than me who grew up in that environment and don't have younger peers don't see it, so, ...


2

The following presumes there are no real mental issues with your child. As long as you are enabling this behavior it will continue. Preparing his meals and doing his laundry are NOT doing him any favors. He should be responsible for all of those things. If he chooses not to do his own laundry and instead wear clothes that are dirty, that's his choice. ...


1

But why do you want him to do job if he isnt interested now? Some people may not like to do any job or go to office early in their lives. Example : ME I never worked or tried for a job before completing my Post Graduation. I was a very studious teen and wanted to focus only on studying. So, my parents completely supported my decision and even funded for my ...


-1

The reason the kids are acting that way is, they do not have anything to lose. It seems like you are very lenient. Though I have a mum with a big house, I knew I would be homeless if I graduated and had no job. So I worked extra hard to get to where I am.


2

The entire point of university is that it's an education and a transition to adulthood. He needs to start picking up bills, chores, responsibility and organisation (calling utility companies etc) in order to learn how to do these things. Don't tell him to get a job, tell him you're starting to charge board - do it at a reasonable rate, say 60% of the going ...


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TL;DR: You are not the bad guy; it's time for him to start building up strength to fly on his own. This is one of the hardest, most distressing parts of parenting. We want to be wise, just and loving towards our children; we don't want to feel that we're being unloving. Many of us also feel some guilt as well, thinking Where have I failed in teaching my ...


2

Put together s list of what people in the real world pay. Tell him he can either pay that or pay reasonable board. Tell him that if he wants to continue living in your home he will have to either get a job, or do many chores at home. http://www.theguardian.com/money/blog/2012/aug/31/how-much-rent-charge-son ...



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