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104

What we try to do with our two year old toddler is offer him some (limited) range of choices -- so that he can feel he is in control. So for example with the milk, you might let him decide: do you want milk? do you want apple juice? do you want water? I believe at this toddler phase they are starting to become people, with their own wants and desires ...


54

We have a similarly strong-willed, opinionated toddler. A few additional tactics to suggest here: Redirection -- this works a lot of the time. Our child can't communicate well but usually I can tell what he wants (e.g. more cereal before dinner). I will "misunderstand" him and throw a redirect, e.g. "oh you want to help take the onions out to help me ...


23

I actually found that my first liked being spanked. Spanking modified behaviour not one tiny bit. Bad attention was better than no attention. On the other hand, being ignored drove her right through the roof, so she'd melt down, and we'd scoop her up and dump her in her room, and let her scream her brains out. When she calmed down, we'd go get her. We did ...


21

First, we have to understand, why tantrums are so common at that age. From what I understand as a parent, at this age kids want to express a lot more than they are able to. This leads to a lot of frustration and tantrums. The best way to deal with tantrums is not to let them happen: often tantrums happen when kids hungry or tired or miss the nap, so if you ...


20

There are three factors you have to balance: safety for your child, teaching proper behavior, and respect for others. Obviously, safety for your child is the first and foremost concern. What you did (stand nearby while he sat down and had a tantrum) sounds like there was no danger to him, so that's not a concern in this case. What constitutes respect for ...


14

Both of my kids did this when they were that age. It basically boils down to the kiddo does not have your (or your partner's) undivided attention and they want it. There are several ways to cure this behavior, or least I have been told there are. The one that work best for my family was the following procedure... When we all came together we would devote a ...


12

NEVER give in. Put him in another room (no one wants to be around tantrums, and tell him so) and wait it out. He may cry for a pretty long time the first couple of times but when he realizes it gets him ABSOLUTELY no attention the time will lessen. He ONLY gets desserts after eating dinner (you determine how much that is). If he is not hungry enough for ...


11

Ahhh, I just LOVE people who correct other parents in public. You weren't endangering him; you were right there, waiting out the tantrum. IMHO those women had no business stepping in unless you were endangering your child, and sitting out a tantrum is NOT abuse. FWIW, I do one of two things when one of mine have a tantrum in public. (A) let them scream ...


10

We addressed the "addiction" part of your question previously, but I wanted to talk about the behavior part. First, you shouldn't expect it to be as easy for your five year-old as it is for your nine year-old. Nine year-olds live a lot less "in the moment" compared to five year-olds, have developed more interests, and have learned more coping strategies ...


9

Tantrums are a symptom, not really the problem. You can try to deal with the symptom but until you get to the root of the actual cause, you stand little chance of eliminating the symptom in the long term. It is important to remember that many toddlers have not really developed their ability to communicate. Often a tantrum is a sign of frustration, however ...


9

first of all, I want to say that I have tremendous respect for what you are doing. My wife is experiencing the same thing, so I know how it is. The way I see this, is that your little one is passionate and curious. But he does not understand the world he lives in. My daughter also bites, scratches, and hits. When it comes to discipline, there is not much we ...


9

I completely relate - know that it gets better. When my little girl was four she went through a phase almost exactly like the one you describe - except instead of tantrums she dissolved into tears. First, you should know that developmentally a lot of things are going on at four and they are growing in ways that are much more difficult to "see" than when ...


8

The only piece I would add to the excellent answers so far is that these techniques will also work for the later phases when tantrums may sneak back. There are various stages when children want to do things they either physically can't or know they aren't supposed to and want want to push boundaries. Redirection, ignoring them and sending them to their ...


8

After doing some research on this, it seems that some tantrum behaviors might be warning signs of problems. First, though, it is helpful to understand what causes tantrums. Tantrums are the results of a child feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. They typically occur in children aged 2-3, and normally taper off by 4 years of age. They are normal parts of ...


8

Obviously you will need to check just to confirm they actually can do it (for example they say they can't put their shoes on when you know they can - could be down to having something stuck in the shoe...it's happened before) but if they are just saying 'I can't' then they probably are just attention seeking, or wanting to do something else. A useful ...


8

We've been reading the book Hands Are Not For Hitting to our 22-month-old, and using the phrases when he hits to remind him that we don't hit. He still wants to hit but we've noticed it's slowly improving (and his teachers at preschool report the same). The big thing is to use the same wording ("Hands are NOT for hitting!") and get down to his level to ...


8

The key for us is using a timer. We have a 'strong willed' almost-three year old, and he hates transitions (unless there's a big reward or somesuch). Big tantrums. However, we began around 2 using a timer. "Okay, son, we're about done with X activity. I'm setting a timer for 2 minutes; when it goes off, we're going to go [eat|sleep|do something ...


7

I have worked with many children who are self abusive and this is a perplexing problem for parents and caregivers. Head banging, self-biting, clawing/scratching, and hair pulling are all self-injurious behaviors sometimes exhibited. A very important question to ask is what is triggering this unique acting-out behavior. Toddlers are often frustrated when ...


7

Actually, trimming his nails is a good solution, and what I'd have recommended. If your child's nails are long enough to draw blood, then they need to be shortened. Even if it means trimming them twice a week. - This is a must. I'd rather stop the obviously damaging behaviour at the risk of whatever might take its place, than continue to tolerate the ...


7

One note about expectations. There are places and times where we can expect toddlers to behave. Dad has to go to the grocery store. But there are places/events where it is unreasonable to expect a toddler to behave. The kid isn't going to behave through the 3 hours wedding reception. Don't put the kid in situations where failure is likely. Why on earth ...


7

This sounds like a difficult position to be in, but if the wet diaper isn't uncomfortable enough to wake him up, I would let him sleep. If you end up doing this several nights in a row, just make sure to check carefully for developing diaper rash or infections. In the mean time, have you tried overnight or extra-absorbant diapers?


7

The twos aren't really that terrible. The threes seemed to be a much bigger challenge than the twos were for us (and for our friends with kids), and four is proving to be a challenge too. Our son was never a big tantrum-thrower. He's more of a whiner. Maybe I'm being optimistic, but I think if you've set consistent boundaries before the "terrible twos" ...


7

At twelve months we put ours in the trolley seat - in fact even up to about 3 or 4 years old, as you really don't want the little ones tripping up shoppers with heavy bags etc. That said, when we did walk with them we would just say "holding hands or we need to carry you" and positively reinforcing that meant that pretty early on they would come to us to ...


7

I would start out by handling primary-schooler tantrums the same way as toddler tantrums -- basically, don't let his tantrums succeed. Immediate and natural consequence. Deny him whatever it was he threw the tantrum over, end your current activity, abort your planned activity, or whatever else is appropriate. Don't give in, ever. A tantrum never wins. He ...


7

Tantrums are about garnering attention. That's what differentiates them from merely crying. It's not just, "I'm upset because I wanted to go the other way," it's, "I'm upset because I wanted to go the other way and I'm going to hold everyone's attention until I get what I want." That's why the "wait it out" technique doesn't work very well in public, ...


7

You have a wonderful set of conflicting goals here that I'm sure many parents have grappled with - I know I have. I think your question really has three parts to it (so my answer is quite long - sorry, but I really hope it helps), the most obvious question is, should I make him apologize? but there are two other key ingredients here too: Will my coldness ...


6

Due to the fact that this can have serious consequences I'd definitely suggest you go to visit a behavioural psychologist to get the best advice here. Most frustration indicators are just annoying to have to put up with, but this can lead to head injuries so should be treated by a professional.


6

You said in a comment that receiving sweets is unavoidable. I disagree, but it takes a conscious effort. My 2yo son also frequently gets candy offered (in shops, restaurants, etc.) but we as parents politely decline the candy, or receive it for him, but he never receives it himself to eat right away. He learned right from the start that he is not allowed ...


6

2 year olds are most definitely not concious and are not always able to control their behavior!!!! Why do you want to teach your child that it us ok to hit or use violence? There are many good suggestions here that are kinder, compassionate, and humane. Tantrums although sometimes avoidable, are part and parcel of toddlerhood. When my son has a tantrum, ...


6

The way we have been handling it is that we don't present him with a choice in the matter. If we're not in a hurry, we let him walk while holding his hand. However, if he starts heading in a direction that isn't where we want/need to go, we limit ourselves to very light tugs on his hand to indicate without pressuring him if he resists, coupled with verbal ...



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