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119

What we try to do with our two year old toddler is offer him some (limited) range of choices -- so that he can feel he is in control. So for example with the milk, you might let him decide: do you want milk? do you want apple juice? do you want water? I believe at this toddler phase they are starting to become people, with their own wants and desires ...


63

We have a similarly strong-willed, opinionated toddler. A few additional tactics to suggest here: Redirection -- this works a lot of the time. Our child can't communicate well but usually I can tell what he wants (e.g. more cereal before dinner). I will "misunderstand" him and throw a redirect, e.g. "oh you want to help take the onions out to help me ...


25

First, we have to understand, why tantrums are so common at that age. From what I understand as a parent, at this age kids want to express a lot more than they are able to. This leads to a lot of frustration and tantrums. The best way to deal with tantrums is not to let them happen: often tantrums happen when kids hungry or tired or miss the nap, so if you ...


24

We've recently read Positive Parenting, and it has several suggestions we're going to implement. First, no TV within an hour of bedtime for either child. This is from me, not from the book-- TV is just too stimulating, even the most simplistic programs, so once one kid's going to bed, shut it off for the other one to get him to calm down. I have our TV ...


23

I actually found that my first liked being spanked. Spanking modified behaviour not one tiny bit. Bad attention was better than no attention. On the other hand, being ignored drove her right through the roof, so she'd melt down, and we'd scoop her up and dump her in her room, and let her scream her brains out. When she calmed down, we'd go get her. We did ...


20

Yes, some insight into any specific behavior or behavior set you are trying to discourage would be helpful as per Beofett's comment. In general, rule #1 is, NEVER try to discipline your children when you are enraged at them. It's OK to be angry with them (you wouldn't be punishing them otherwise), but you must be able to be objective when disciplining, so ...


13

First, emotions are really big beasts inside us, and they can be scary things for any small child who doesn't feel he has the means to control them. Please keep in mind that your son isn't born knowing what to do when he feels angry or frustrated; these are just huge feelings inside his body and they feel really, really bad. Your child will learn to cope ...


9

The only piece I would add to the excellent answers so far is that these techniques will also work for the later phases when tantrums may sneak back. There are various stages when children want to do things they either physically can't or know they aren't supposed to and want want to push boundaries. Redirection, ignoring them and sending them to their ...


8

One note about expectations. There are places and times where we can expect toddlers to behave. Dad has to go to the grocery store. But there are places/events where it is unreasonable to expect a toddler to behave. The kid isn't going to behave through the 3 hours wedding reception. Don't put the kid in situations where failure is likely. Why on earth ...


8

It looks like negotiation isn't working here, so why not tell the child, "Because of your behaviour at bedtimes, we will be putting you to bed before your brother, until you start to behave properly." And then stick to sending him to bed early for a week - say you'll check how he is doing then. In the wider context, identifying when negotiation isn't ...


7

I really don't think this is something you should be trying to resolve on your own or via the Internet. Please seek family counseling via the yellow pages or Google for a counselor in your area, but I congrats you on making an active effort on trying to stop this and seeing it as a problem that needs to be addressed. Children will always be a challenge to ...


7

To be honest, I think this one is house-by-house cultural, depending on whether the behaviour desired is understanding of right and wrong, or obeying authority figures. Spanking is traditionally a clear indicator of an Authoritarian household or organisation, where the key to discipline is obedience; understanding of the issues involved are, at most, a ...


7

Here is the resolution on corporal punishment by the American Psychological Association. The resolution includes this part: Research has shown that the effective use of punishment in eliminating undesirable behavior requires precision in timing, duration, intensity, and specificity, as well as considerable sophistication in controlling a variety of ...


6

Say, "this is not going to help you get what you want. When you are ready to calm down come see me". Then walk away. A child should not get ANYTHING for their tantrums, attention included. If you are in a public space and can't walk away, simply pick up the child and go to a safe place where you can sit and read or something while the child finishes ...


6

2 year olds are most definitely not concious and are not always able to control their behavior!!!! Why do you want to teach your child that it us ok to hit or use violence? There are many good suggestions here that are kinder, compassionate, and humane. Tantrums although sometimes avoidable, are part and parcel of toddlerhood. When my son has a tantrum, ...


5

Making him the center of attention when he doesn't get his way (by letting his tantrum get the best of you and completely derail your behavior and your happiness) is just a recipe for more tantrums. Why are you provoking a confrontation to begin with? He doesn't want to drink milk? So what. Give him a few healthy alternatives (milk, water, limited ...


4

If you ever feel like you are going to hit your kid, simplest thing to do is just walk away until you are in control again. Who cares if he screams and knocks stuff over or even breaks something etc (as long as he isn't endangering himself, but, with a large angry man pumped full of testosterone whose fight-or-flight response has just kicked in, he's ...


3

two remarks at first (especially for people who consider spanking a helpful way for dealing with tantrums or do not see an alternative): Try to find out about the Giraffe language concept (compassionate communication, sometimes also known as "non-violent communication") developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg. I don't know good sources in english. I bought a ...


3

When he is on a tantrum, turn away. do not watch, do not relate, do not respond, do not react and definitely do not spank. Train your brain to think he phases out of existence when he starts the tantrums and phases in again when he stops. After a while he will lose the incentive to start tantrums, which are really really a spectacular all-cylinder-firing, ...


2

The best punishments are those which show the child why they should not have done what they did. Therefore I would suggest that beating is actually less effective, than simply telling off your child. Furthermore, there is much evidence that children that are beaten are much more likely to beat their wives and children in the future, starting a vicious ...


2

I like the top poster's response on providing limited choices. "Do you want to walk or be carried to your room" "No answer? ok then I guess we'll carry you". One thing I noticed is that if you give two choices, my kid would choose the second one 70% of the time at that age.


1

I've a 3 year old, so don't yet have experience with five year olds, but we have similar troubles getting him off to bed at night. Seems like 50% of the time he's going under protest usually accompanied by tears. And often those are associated with TV watching, as in the OP. One of the most useful techniques we've picked up when he's watching TV at night ...


1

Tantrums occur when a person (of any age) realizes that their view of the world and reality are not the same. When a child has a tantrum, the child is struggling to cope with this difference, and adjusting their world view. It is important for children to feel safe and loved, especially when they are having trouble coping with a reality that they can't ...



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