Tag Info

Hot answers tagged

31

When confronted with these issues for the first time, we asked ourselves these questions: Can we afford to have everything all our peers have? If not, when and how did we learn to not to let this bring us down? Do we calculate our self-esteem depending on whether we can buy the same things our peers do? Seeing some of the things their peers have, do we ...


20

Like the others, I disagree that you should buying your child "everything". But I feel there is an important distinction other answers don't bring to the point, although some skirt it. When your children asks for something "everybody has", ask yourself: is it a status symbol, or a tool prerequisite for participating in an activity common among its peers? ...


18

I think that money is not the most important factor here. I think that the reason the children usually have these costly toys (and I mean toys, since most kids do little more than play on them) like smartphones, laptops, tablets, PSPs, etc. is not because their parents care about them; it's often because they actually neglect them. The device is not ...


10

As a young adult (19) I think it would be good for me to input in this conversation as a child of this generation. I would first like to explain my background. My parents were/are pretty low income (£10,000 a year) so during school i often did not have a lot of what the other kids had. For example my trainers weren't the newest, it took 2 years after the ...


9

When I first read this question, the first word that came to my mind was bullying. You're in a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" position here, and you need to choose 1) what's really best for your kids, and 2) what heartache you want to face. First, do you have the means, and live a lifestyle, that allows you to give your child everything ...


9

My son is the same, as was I. It's pretty normal. So normal that when I showed up to daycare with my mouth duct taped shut (because Spider-man doesn't have a mouth), the social workers understood. The teachers still had to call them in- probably some kind of policy regarding duct tape on children's mouths- but it was more hilarious than anything else, ...


8

My brother and I share a birthday, 3 years apart (by coincidence, not by our parents' choice). With all due respect to those saying that neither child gets their "special day," I can attest that sharing a birthday with a sibling, particularly one close in age, does not make either birthday less valuable. Both kids will grow up accepting that their shared ...


7

This role playing is normal, common, and essential for skills building. In imaginative role play children get to practice dialog, politeness, meanness, being the authority (parent), and all sort of other social interactions they have been exposed to. They also will seek out and gain knowledge on the subject of their role play to enable it to be more fun and ...


4

My two boy's B-days are 3 days apart and my wife's & daughters's are 1 day apart. I recommend not using the same day. We make a big deal out of a B-day and the kids really enjoy having their own special day just for themselves. I think they wouldn't like to share this. Even one day apart works just fine. As other people said: Concerns for mother & ...


4

I think this type of bullying or social castigation is especially common in female circles. It's interesting that you posted this because one of our local morning radio programs spent a large portion of the show a couple of weeks ago discussing bullying, the new movie Bully that's just come out, and they had some bullying experts on the show who pointed out ...


4

It depends on how you want your kids to feel about birthdays in the long run. My dad's birthday is November 23, my brother is Dec. 2, sister Dec 18, Parents anniversary Dec 19, Christmas Dec 25, mine Dec 28. My parents made sure that each event was totally separate so that we wouldn't be turned off to the whole experience. I remember a few times where ...


3

Your child is going to learn how to face the world based on how you face the world. For example, did you buy an iPad because everyone else has one or because it was a tool to use? Do you buy a particular shirt because it has a logo on it or because that was an appropriate shirt? Do you buy a particular pair of shoes because they say "Nike" or because ...


3

The key is to make independent evaluations of the value to your child. What other parents are buying or giving in on shouldn't be your deciding factor at all. Marketing is driven by peer pressure and the attitude of "keeping up with the Joneses" will teach your children bad financial practices and set them up for an inability to succeed well in life as it ...


3

One of the best strategies I have used to deal with this with my own daughter is telling her stories about how things were for me at her age. "Did you know that my best friend moved away when I was in 3rd grade?" This usually distracts her and piques her curiosity. I will then answer her questions about what that was like, how things got better, etc. I ...


3

I can't see any problem with this at any age, so I'm not sure what the percieved problem is. The whole way through life they will have friends with birthdays on or near theirs. It really doesn't matter, just treat each one equally and fairly. Don't worry about this sort of thing.


3

On the same day or within a week, odds are the birthday parties are going to be complicated in any event. How often will the nearest weekend be the same day? And then when you add in external activities it's even more likely they may have to be on/near each other (if it's in May, Soccer/etc. will often drive when you decide to hold the party). I think ...


2

My sister and I had birthdays within two weeks of each other and it was never really an issue because my parents never made it one. Their rule was simply this. on the even years (like 1990 or 1988) we could choose to do a really special activity and go somewhere but we had to choose something together. Choosing together allowed us to do really special ...


2

If the birthdays are within the same month, other considerations might guide you towards a single combined party. The biggest thing will be coordinating schedules of other family and friends involved for their attendance. It's easier to get people to set aside one day in such a short time span than it is two. More distant family members simply may not be ...


2

My two sons are two years and a day apart. There's plenty of resentment by the older one since his day is immediately followed (and, in his mind, overshadowed by) his brother's. And this on top of the usual "you stole my limelight" feelings of an older sibling. :7)


2

What did her doctor say? Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. It's not rare - about 1 in 150 children will have selective mutism. You need to see a doctor, and make sure that you persist in getting help even if the initial doctor says your daughter will grow out of it. Treatment should focus on behavioural therapies and cognitive behavioural therapy. ...


1

In the delivery room where I had my babies, there was a sign; "You don't need to rear kids, they just copy everything you do." (Without making a judgement on this) if you are the sort of person to whom possession of status symbols is important, then your kids will be too. Period. If you can say "I don't need a new X because the old X is still working", ...


1

First off congratulations for putting some thought into all the facets of the issue. I haven't read the other comments before offering this, so I am not sure of any other similar experiences. My late father and I shared the same birthday and my two children were born a calendar day apart, two years apart (i.e. our daughter's birthday 'gift' was a day old ...


1

If you haven't experienced a shared birthday, it's hard to reason or explain about it. Certainly having birthdays just a few days apart has most of the same problems, yet without the "cachet" of the exact same day. I know two pairs of children in this boat: one pair is 4 years apart and one is 7 years apart (and those two were both adopted, which makes it ...


1

The main benefit is that you only have to then remember one date for your children's birthdates. (yes, that's maybe not a problem for everone, but it is for me. ;) But even if they are close, as they grow up, you rarely have parties on their birthday anyways...it's usually a weekend where people can get together, so you can always put the parties together ...


1

It's ok for the first few years, assuming the children are close in age. In fact, I'd encourage it. A 2-3 year old will usually feel left out for not receiving gifts at a party, even if he just had his party the previous week. Explaining that is instructive, but combining the b-days actually resolves this problem very well: it involves everybody (the 2 ...


1

I'd recommend against having the same day. In the case of twins, it wasn't anyone's choice that the children have the same birthday. In this situation, the elder child may feel as if you gave their birthday to their younger sibling which may breed resentment. I doubt this would happen, but it seems like a substantial risk when the only reward is ease of ...


1

Does your school have any programs or advice that you can build on? My town has delivered clear messages -- in the elementary schools on up -- that bullying isn't acceptable. They're also quite clear on the wide range of behaviors that qualify. You can repeat these messages to her, and remind her of whatever mechanisms the school has put in place (e.g., ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible