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79

A large part of the population can be counted on to tell you why you should do exactly what they did, and all the downsides to whatever you're doing that they didn't do. You might even have tendencies to do this yourself. no children? Shame you'll be all alone when you're old. 5 children? Shame you'll never be able to give each of them the time and money ...


61

I think your instincts of jealousy are spot-on. My daughter did this starting when her little brother arrived home from the hospital, and every time she felt like he was getting more of Mama's attention, out came the verbal knives. Our fix was to schedule special one-on-one time with her when we could. And when things were just too crazy to carve very ...


40

I'm wondering what real, concrete evidence there is one way or the other? Is a child really better off with a sibling? How do you measure this? "Better off" is potentially subjective, and only-child vs. having siblings is likely a trade-off of some positives and some negatives for each side. Research Studies appear to be somewhat contradictory, ...


25

Having one's own room can be nice, but it's never a necessity. It's only in the last generation or two that it became common to give children separate bedrooms instead of just having a boys' room and a girls' room.


23

That's actually for the kids to decide I think. As long as they're having fun and generally not objecting or letting you know they'd rather bathe alone, I think it's perfectly fine.


20

If things are escalating to the point of physical altercation, you've already waited too long to intervene. Model good behavior. Avoid using harsh words with your family, even in jest. Make house rules explicit. Write them down and post them where all can see. Include not just the "big" stuff, but also the precursors (which shouldn't be happening ...


20

I'm 27 (and male); my two sisters are 25 and 16. I'm speaking from that experience, and from observation of other sibling-sets I've known well. Basically, I'd say that two kids who are close in age will be in constant interaction with each other, while kids who are farther apart will be more distant. Closely-spaced kids move in similar fields and circles ...


20

The answer depends on how and where you live. 1 I grew up in a small village at a time when no one had the time or money to go on holidays more then once a year. When I came home from school, my mother sent me outside and all my friends where always there. I was never bored or alone, even during the long summers, and in the rare cases that I needed to go ...


20

First of all, recognize there is a difference between having a favorite, and engaging in favoritism. I think having a favorite is somewhat unavoidable, unless your children all happen to have personalities that mesh equally well with yours. When having a favorite becomes problematic is when you let it affect your words and actions toward your children. ...


19

There are a couple of things going on here, and both will probably be due to attention. You said that mum finds it difficult. That means that she probably reacts slightly. This means that your daughter knows that she can say something that: Gets noticed. Gets a reaction. Brings attention. All attention, positive or negative is attention to a child. If ...


16

I don't want to discourage you, but we tried... and tried.. and our girl (18mo at the time) thought our newborn was awesome when we visited mommy in the hospital the day after. She did not think it was awesome that the baby was coming home with us. And that mommy spent all day with the new baby. There was no consoling her at all. She was completely upset ...


13

Are you paying rent to your mother? If you are paying rent, you should ask for a reduced rent since you are no longer getting your own room. Is there a basement? Another room on the main floor - something like an office or a den? Consider moving to one of these rooms. If you are not paying rent, you are unfortunately going to have to abide by her rules. ...


12

In addition to the previous answers, which are good, it's also important to understand that small children live in a different world than adults (one full of mysteries) and that many words have different meaning to them. When you think of your daughter's love for her mother you probably think of the kind of relation that would leave a huge sore wound if her ...


10

Same-sex siblings don't need separate rooms, at least not if they're roughly the same age. Sharing a room teaches valuable social lessons. It's more a matter of how well they get along in general, and how much space you can afford. I wouldn't put a 2-year-old in a room with a 12-year-old though, or two siblings that terrorize each other.


10

From the point of view of the mother and child's health spacing pregnancies is important. The minimal recommended time beetween pregnancies varies from 18 month to at least 2 ½ years to 3 years difference between children.


10

Maybe he needs to try something less "sportsy" and more "artsy". Maybe he would enjoy getting involved in theater or taking some art classes or joining a children's choir or piano lessons? If his sisters excel in athletics then finding something completely different might be the push he needs to distinguish himself. If athletics is a priority in his ...


10

I handle this simply. When the older child complains about work that the younger child doesn't have to do, I tell her that her younger sister does the same work that she did when she was her younger sisters age. If complaints continue after that, I remind her that she also has privileges that her younger sister doesn't, and if she would like to be "fair", ...


10

I take it you have a cell-phone with recording capabilities? Maybe your parents do as well? Start using them. When you have caught enough of her threats on film, let her go ahead and call the police. They will tell her if she doesn't stop calling for such nonsense, they will write out a ticket or might even haul her in to show her what calling the police for ...


9

When the children are uncomfortable with it. They will let you know when they don't want to bathe with their sibling anymore. Why should noticing something is different be a problem? If your child noticed her sibling had different color hair on his head, would you put a hat over it to hide it? A girl can know a penis is different from a vagina, (and vice ...


9

First thing you want to be sure that your eldest is not repeatedly doing the wrong thing despite being told repeatedly as per what @afrazier said. This is not going to work if your child is deliberately being disobedient. I have something I do with my son (4 year old) and it works very well for me personally. I combine the collection of rules into a ...


9

It really depends on two main factors. The children's comfort level with bathing with others. I stopped bathing with my siblings around age 7, because I became aware of the idea of privacy and I felt it was important. YOUR comfort level with it. The kids won't be developmentally harmed by bathing separately. My son (age 6) now bathes without his ...


9

I have three kids. The way we handle this is that if it is in your room, it's off limits and the others have to ask before they can come in your room and play with it. If it is in a common area, then it is fair game and it's strictly first come first server. We also have a "new toy" rule. The first two days you have a toy, you get first priority of ...


9

Frankly, if you have economic reasons for only having one - ie, you're concerned two will be too much of a burden financially - then one sounds like a good plan to me. Kids are really, really expensive. Regardless of the evidence that may or may not exist on the matter, in your personal situation it seems like one child with a happy stable family will be ...


9

Whether it causes resentment or not depends on how much say the child has in the matter. Kids often borrow their older sibling's clothing on their own. A lot of handing down happens even without parental intervention, as one child starts to grow out of something, they are more and more willing to lend it to their younger sibling, until it ends up de facto ...


8

Just speaking from our experiences: One step we took when our 2nd daughter was born, was to buy a present from her for her sister. I know it will be a huge time commitment raising twins, but try to make sure that your 2yo gets her one on one time. Additionally if you can get her to help in looking after the twins, simple things like getting toys for them, ...


8

I was better in school and music than my younger siblings, but my brother always skunked me in athletics and strategy games, one sister is a much better artist, and my other sister was always able to make friends more easily. Does it hurt to have a younger sibling be better at something than you are? Sure, a little. However, there's not much a parent can ...


8

If the elder sibling has a history of being careless, hostile, or inconsiderate toward other children that might be a reason to worry about safety, but otherwise I'd expect it to be generally safe. I'd rather think it would be more of a practical problem, in terms of the two children having different bedtimes, and one of them waking the other one up at ...


8

Chances are, you're not going to find what you're looking for because there are far, far too many other factors to be taken into account in raising kids (home life/family values, life experiences, innate personality, etc). As others have mentioned, the best time for them is the best time for you, because if you're so exhausted and stressed from dealing with ...


7

Alone time is tough, perhaps sharing specific time for each one with another parent so both get a chance to do a task/craft with each child. My wife and I take time with the older one, I will watch the younger and she and he will do something they like to do together. I sometimes will take the older out for baseball or do some work outside and my wife will ...



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