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19

If things are escalating to the point of physical altercation, you've already waited too long to intervene. Model good behavior. Avoid using harsh words with your family, even in jest. Make house rules explicit. Write them down and post them where all can see. Include not just the "big" stuff, but also the precursors (which shouldn't be happening ...


19

I'm 27 (and male); my two sisters are 25 and 16. I'm speaking from that experience, and from observation of other sibling-sets I've known well. Basically, I'd say that two kids who are close in age will be in constant interaction with each other, while kids who are farther apart will be more distant. Closely-spaced kids move in similar fields and circles ...


15

I don't want to discourage you, but we tried... and tried.. and our girl (18mo at the time) thought our newborn was awesome when we visited mommy in the hospital the day after. She did not think it was awesome that the baby was coming home with us. And that mommy spent all day with the new baby. There was no consoling her at all. She was completely upset ...


14

First of all, recognize there is a difference between having a favorite, and engaging in favoritism. I think having a favorite is somewhat unavoidable, unless your children all happen to have personalities that mesh equally well with yours. When having a favorite becomes problematic is when you let it affect your words and actions toward your children. ...


10

From the point of view of the mother and child's health spacing pregnancies is important. The minimal recommended time beetween pregnancies varies from 18 month to at least 2 ½ years to 3 years difference between children.


10

Are you paying rent to your mother? If you are paying rent, you should ask for a reduced rent since you are no longer getting your own room. Is there a basement? Another room on the main floor - something like an office or a den? Consider moving to one of these rooms. If you are not paying rent, you are unfortunately going to have to abide by her rules. ...


10

I handle this simply. When the older child complains about work that the younger child doesn't have to do, I tell her that her younger sister does the same work that she did when she was her younger sisters age. If complaints continue after that, I remind her that she also has privileges that her younger sister doesn't, and if she would like to be "fair", ...


9

I have three kids. The way we handle this is that if it is in your room, it's off limits and the others have to ask before they can come in your room and play with it. If it is in a common area, then it is fair game and it's strictly first come first server. We also have a "new toy" rule. The first two days you have a toy, you get first priority of ...


9

First thing you want to be sure that your eldest is not repeatedly doing the wrong thing despite being told repeatedly as per what @afrazier said. This is not going to work if your child is deliberately being disobedient. I have something I do with my son (4 year old) and it works very well for me personally. I combine the collection of rules into a ...


9

When the children are uncomfortable with it. They will let you know when they don't want to bathe with their sibling anymore. Why should noticing something is different be a problem? If your child noticed her sibling had different color hair on his head, would you put a hat over it to hide it? A girl can know a penis is different from a vagina, (and vice ...


9

Maybe he needs to try something less "sportsy" and more "artsy". Maybe he would enjoy getting involved in theater or taking some art classes or joining a children's choir or piano lessons? If his sisters excel in athletics then finding something completely different might be the push he needs to distinguish himself. If athletics is a priority in his ...


8

If the elder sibling has a history of being careless, hostile, or inconsiderate toward other children that might be a reason to worry about safety, but otherwise I'd expect it to be generally safe. I'd rather think it would be more of a practical problem, in terms of the two children having different bedtimes, and one of them waking the other one up at ...


8

I was better in school and music than my younger siblings, but my brother always skunked me in athletics and strategy games, one sister is a much better artist, and my other sister was always able to make friends more easily. Does it hurt to have a younger sibling be better at something than you are? Sure, a little. However, there's not much a parent can ...


8

Whether it causes resentment or not depends on how much say the child has in the matter. Kids often borrow their older sibling's clothing on their own. A lot of handing down happens even without parental intervention, as one child starts to grow out of something, they are more and more willing to lend it to their younger sibling, until it ends up de facto ...


7

Just speaking from our experiences: One step we took when our 2nd daughter was born, was to buy a present from her for her sister. I know it will be a huge time commitment raising twins, but try to make sure that your 2yo gets her one on one time. Additionally if you can get her to help in looking after the twins, simple things like getting toys for them, ...


7

Chances are, you're not going to find what you're looking for because there are far, far too many other factors to be taken into account in raising kids (home life/family values, life experiences, innate personality, etc). As others have mentioned, the best time for them is the best time for you, because if you're so exhausted and stressed from dealing with ...


7

It really depends on two main factors. The children's comfort level with bathing with others. I stopped bathing with my siblings around age 7, because I became aware of the idea of privacy and I felt it was important. YOUR comfort level with it. The kids won't be developmentally harmed by bathing separately. My son (age 6) now bathes without his ...


6

Alone time is tough, perhaps sharing specific time for each one with another parent so both get a chance to do a task/craft with each child. My wife and I take time with the older one, I will watch the younger and she and he will do something they like to do together. I sometimes will take the older out for baseball or do some work outside and my wife will ...


6

There's usually some kind of midwives' association to guide new (and veteran) parents in all kinds of matters around childbirth. I don't imagine they've never had people in your situation before, unless you've moved to a fairly small place. Ask your local hospital for references to such a group, and then ask both the hospital and the midwives' association ...


6

This is a good question. We have a 5yo, 3yo, and 20 month old twins who often have toy ownership confrontations. Dealing with ownership issues is a constant task for us. Generally, in our house it is a free-for-all, meaning that anybody can play with any toy, even if it was a gift given to one child specifically. Our reason for this choice is that with four ...


6

I remember reading from a somewhat scientific source that 5 years would be the least problematic. That said, this kind of thing of course depends a lot on the individual case. My source is a finnish book called, "Luonnollinen lapsuus" (translates as "Natural Childhood"). It is written by an evolutionary biologist Tiina Kaitaniemi, and discusses child ...


6

My daughter was 15 months old when my second child was born. We didn't have any talks, but we would point at my belly and tell her that there is a baby in there. We'd show her that we are only suppose to rub Mummy's belly, and would gesture so. Eventually, she would rub my belly and say "baby." We'd play games with her like "Where is the baby?" and she'd ...


6

I would add to Kevin's answer about the younger child complaining about the older child's privileges. We have 'rules' in our house, for example when you are 8 you get an email, after 4 you may not ride in a stroller, when you are in first grade you get... They are happy to know that the rules are the same for all of them, and are age based, so everyone is ...


6

It sounds like you're doing a pretty good job of preparing him for the positive aspects of having a baby sister. The negative side is easier to overlook. Primarily, he is accustomed to receiving your instant and undivided attention, which he will not be able to get as often. A lot of parents anticipate this by showering him with attention now, and there's ...


6

Congrats on the move to man-to-man parenting! First, I suggest you start figuring out now how to schedule some one-on-one time with him. My daughter spent the first two months after her brother arrived telling me she didn't love me anymore, which was her way of telling me she needed attention too. We started having Mommy-Daughter and Daddy-Daughter dates, ...


6

Why do some parents have a favorite (or least favorite) child? One possible answer would be that there are parents who want to see a version of themselves in their children - or what they would like to have been. The children that match that view are favored, those who don't are less favored. Imagine a major league football player who has a son who ...


5

Here's one data point I just read in this research item: birth spacing and reading and math scores Excerpt: "a one-year increase in spacing improves reading scores for older children by 0.17 SD—which would be three times the effect of increasing annual family income by $1,000."


5

I might say it depends on how much it's affecting your kids, and I would be more worried about the girls than the boys. Your sons probably feel slighted, but your (soon-to-be?) daughters are getting constant affirmation of "You can have anything you want, whenever you want it." At 4 and 8, this is will spoil them quickly. If it were a grandparent or uncle ...


5

I have a five year old and a three year old, and the five year old is starting with the "That's not fair" routine. This is unorthodox, but I don't actually respond to this with a privilege/responsibility thing. I'm pretty clear with my 5 year old that life is almost never fair or just. What I tend to say is "It still needs to be done." As in "She made the ...



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