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38

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


26

I deeply admire your son for facing his feelings and for seeking help. You must have a very close and special relationship if he can trust you with this. I strongly recommend that you all talk to a good psychatrist, preferably someone with experience in this field. If these feelings persist - and they may - he will need help developing coping strategies ...


26

You can no longer micromanage your son's activity You have probably noticed that your can't control your son's actions by force or persuasion anymore, if you ever could. He's old enough now to be self directed, which is scary. The only thing you can do is to give him a moral framework in which to live. Provide a credible moral framework Can you explain to ...


26

Pedophilia is a sexual orientation. He is not a bad person just for having this orientation (any more than any other orientation), and that needs to be made clear to him. Not all pedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are pedophiles. Your candor, love, and support are going to be incredibly important to him, and his courage in facing this ...


20

Your son is nearly sixteen, and that means he's clearly beyond the point where you can 'make' him do things - and it seems like you agree based on your question. So what that means, to me, is the important thing is to help him understand the consequences of his actions. Teenagers are of ten able to make good choices when they understand the full ...


19

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


18

Teaching them the correct name is very simple, it doesn't require having to make up names, or work out what to translate as, and as they grow up they won't face any embarrassment in class from using a 'baby' name for something others know the 'grown-up' name for. And I'd certainly be more embarrassed for them to use a play word than the correct terminology. ...


15

You need to bring some other adults into the equation. The first people I'd talk to is her parents. Yes, part of the problem might be that she doesn't have great parents but that's why you need to talk them, even more than if her parents are good. The second type of person to talk to is a trusted teacher, or maybe neighbor, who has dealt with both your son, ...


12

Speaking from experience here. At 16 years old, I confessed to my parents that I was addicted to pornography and had been for 5 years. I hid my browsing history and the like. First, make sure he knows that you love him. It does not matter that he is interested in younger children or that he did anything wrong, you still love him. Make sure he knows this. He ...


11

Call the police. Call child protective social services. Edit: Some people may be confused about how the chold is getting access to these men. A ten year old child is not within eyesight all day. The parents may be as protective as they can be but they are no there all the time. Grooming creates a psychologically very strong bond between the abuser and ...


11

Is this a problem? My personal feeling is that, yes it is. The issue here is one potentially of child abuse -- not your children, but of M. I would question whether M has been subjected to inappropriate requests, or even subject to CSE. It could actually be nothing, but if M is being abused at home or elsewhere it could save M years of hurt if things were ...


9

Most of the other advice in this topic is excellent but a small item to add: This shouldn't need to be said but there seem to be a lot of parents in this world who prefer to try to control their children through lies. If you lie about sex, drugs and alcohol once they catch you in one lie they won't trust your other advice on the matter.


8

Sex is part of life. Hiding it away until any specific age is unlikely to lead where you want to go. Better to make it part of life. Our kids were raised on David Attenborough's TV shows, so animal reproduction was always part of their background knowledge. My wife is an R.N., so she discussed human reproduction in age-appropriate ways whenever the subject ...


8

I agree with your concerns for the girl. There are some great suggestions in the other answers, so I'll limit myself mostly to consequences for the girl. Let's assume you can't stop them from having sex, which doesn't mean the discussion shouldn't take place; they can still be in a relationship with each other that doesn’t involve sex. Discussions with ...


8

First, I want to commend your son for his bravery in telling you about his attraction to young boys. Trust me, it takes a lot of courage to do something like that. I also want to congratulate you for having built this amount of trust that he felt he could tell you something so difficult to confess. I discovered I was sexually attracted to boys when I was ...


6

A quicker response in order to cover something I view as an important point: teens have a much higher tendency towards risk-taking behaviors. Thus, while the legal aspects may be the most concerning to you, to your son the legal ramifications only apply "if we get caught." And of course, he'll NEVER get caught again. I agree with the above posters that the ...


6

There are two textbook definitions of adulthood. One is legal adulthood, where we've set dates from birth at which point you're entitled to certain privileges, and there's physical adulthood which is, quite simply, sexual maturity. Your son is quickly approaching both of these milestones in his life. If your son is going to be engaging in adult behaviors, ...


6

Contraception You don't want to make this situation worse, so make sure your son has access to condoms and knows how to use them. That includes showing him how to put one on (ususally done with a banana) and making him practise, making sure he understands that — contrary to the common misconception — a girl can get pregnant on her first time, ...


6

It's not uncommon for children to find out that there is a pleasurable feeling down there. After all, it's not like it's switched on once they are 18 - although many parents would wish that to avoid awkward conversations. I think the first post goes past the innocence pretty fast and focusses on problems. I'd not scold him for having feelings. But the ...


6

Pedophilia is a problematic sexual orientation, but at the age of 15 I don't think it's so straight forward. Being attracted to people 5 years younger than you when you're a 15 year old kid is alot different from liking 13 year olds as a 20 year old. I remember a stage around the age of 15 of feeling like I was attracted to younger (10-13 year old) girls, ...


5

Sitting children down to "tell them the facts of life" or educate them about drugs etc is a stressful proposition for parents and children alike; it often feels confrontational and uncomfortable for all involved. A proactive education is very important in some areas and a reactive approach (responding to their questions) is better in others but which occurs ...


5

You're in an unenviable position with your 15-year old right now. He's very close to the age where he's been told that he'll legally be allowed to participate in sex, but his girlfriend is still very far away from that age. He may, however, be at an age that he will understand this somewhat complex situation - so you should definitely first consider just ...


4

Perhaps your son would be impacted by the true story of my 13-year-old cousin who experienced a 15-year-old boy who "loved" her in the same way. She had a baby when she was 14. Then she had an abortion as a result of someone else when she was 15. She became drug addicted, then a prostitute. Please tell your boy that if he does this to her, even if no child ...


3

Dreaded? By whom? Ok, to be totally honest, the first time, I was sitting in a bar, chatting and drinking coffee, and I was totally unprepared for the out-of-the-blue 'where do babies come from?' But the question comes back, every now and then. Usually it is enough to give true and honest answers, at a level the child can understand. I answer the ...


3

While children are very young I like using simple expressions like "bottom", "privates", and "chest". However once children are old enough to start noticing specific parts I would move on to correct names. I feel this way because using correct names too young can be confusing and refusing to use correct names at all can have negative effects you would ...


3

First let me say the following. There is no moral law (religious laws) and no "law of men" that can do anything at all to prevent teenagers from attempting to have sex. There is only one law that controls teenage sexual behavior and that is biology (the law of the jungle). I would bet a lot of money that, if you allow these two kids to be alone, they will ...


3

English Law: http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/contents Your son is 16 and thus would count as a child offender under the law. (Once he's 18 the law becomes much more serious, although it is serious for under 18s). Note that he has already broken the law. He touched a child; the touching was sexual; he knew she was under 16. This offence ...


2

Things you might want to say: That he will possibly ruining his life: not only by going to jail (and not finishing high school, and having problems with college), but also by getting a 'sex offender' label that will follow him through his life That he will possibily ruin her life: with unwanted pregnancy, with a judicial procedure that inevitably breaks ...


2

I'm not a parent, rather a child, and as someone who's relatively recently (I'm nineteen, so not that recently, but still) been on the other side of this everlasting dilemma, I'm inclined to err on the side of keeping the conversation natural, but firm. In other words, I consider myself fortunate that I was never sat down and talked to about the "birds and ...


2

I'd say start with the real names unless it makes you too uncomfortable to discuss issues like hygiene using the proper names. Being open to discussions is more important.



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