Tag Info

Hot answers tagged

38

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


31

You can no longer micromanage your son's activity You have probably noticed that your can't control your son's actions by force or persuasion anymore, if you ever could. He's old enough now to be self directed, which is scary. The only thing you can do is to give him a moral framework in which to live. Provide a credible moral framework Can you explain to ...


29

Pedophilia is a sexual orientation. He is not a bad person just for having this orientation (any more than any other orientation), and that needs to be made clear to him. Not all pedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are pedophiles. Your candor, love, and support are going to be incredibly important to him, and his courage in facing this ...


28

I deeply admire your son for facing his feelings and for seeking help. You must have a very close and special relationship if he can trust you with this. I strongly recommend that you all talk to a good psychatrist, preferably someone with experience in this field. If these feelings persist - and they may - he will need help developing coping strategies ...


23

Your son is nearly sixteen, and that means he's clearly beyond the point where you can 'make' him do things - and it seems like you agree based on your question. So what that means, to me, is the important thing is to help him understand the consequences of his actions. Teenagers are of ten able to make good choices when they understand the full ...


19

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


16

You need to bring some other adults into the equation. The first people I'd talk to is her parents. Yes, part of the problem might be that she doesn't have great parents but that's why you need to talk them, even more than if her parents are good. The second type of person to talk to is a trusted teacher, or maybe neighbor, who has dealt with both your son, ...


15

There isn't much you can do to force a change in their relationship. You can establish curfews, household rules, and so on, but unless you plan to watch her every minute of every day, she'll find a way to break a rule that you put in place. While she is certainly not an adult yet, your daughter's old enough to make some decisions on her own. The best way ...


14

Speaking from experience here. At 16 years old, I confessed to my parents that I was addicted to pornography and had been for 5 years. I hid my browsing history and the like. First, make sure he knows that you love him. It does not matter that he is interested in younger children or that he did anything wrong, you still love him. Make sure he knows this. He ...


14

Is this a problem? My personal feeling is that, yes it is. The issue here is one potentially of child abuse -- not your children, but of M. I would question whether M has been subjected to inappropriate requests, or even subject to CSE. It could actually be nothing, but if M is being abused at home or elsewhere it could save M years of hurt if things were ...


12

First of all, the "how should I handle this" depends a lot on what your own concerns are. Is your concern the "cousin" part? or the "two 14 year olds" part? If the latter, is it specific aspect (are they mature enough to consistently use birth control?) or just general age-readiness for sex as a concept? Once you sort out your concerns, the main and best ...


11

There's no universal answer to this question. It's going to vary heavily depending on all sorts of factors. I can merely offer my own POV. I'd start by considering that you can't rid the world of porn. If your child is looking for it, they will find it no matter. So I'd accept the fact that they will be looking at it. As such, I think--as with many ...


10

I agree with your concerns for the girl. There are some great suggestions in the other answers, so I'll limit myself mostly to consequences for the girl. Let's assume you can't stop them from having sex, which doesn't mean the discussion shouldn't take place; they can still be in a relationship with each other that doesn’t involve sex. Discussions with ...


9

First, I want to commend your son for his bravery in telling you about his attraction to young boys. Trust me, it takes a lot of courage to do something like that. I also want to congratulate you for having built this amount of trust that he felt he could tell you something so difficult to confess. I discovered I was sexually attracted to boys when I was ...


9

Most of the other advice in this topic is excellent but a small item to add: This shouldn't need to be said but there seem to be a lot of parents in this world who prefer to try to control their children through lies. If you lie about sex, drugs and alcohol once they catch you in one lie they won't trust your other advice on the matter.


7

Contraception You don't want to make this situation worse, so make sure your son has access to condoms and knows how to use them. That includes showing him how to put one on (ususally done with a banana) and making him practise, making sure he understands that — contrary to the common misconception — a girl can get pregnant on her first time, ...


6

Is there anything you can do? Not really. I'd say talk to your daughter and make it clear that you know what she's doing, you're not happy about it then go onto making sure she stays protected while having sex. It's probable this will just end in time and then you'll be there to console your daughter however, you could talk to her and suggest that she ...


6

There are two textbook definitions of adulthood. One is legal adulthood, where we've set dates from birth at which point you're entitled to certain privileges, and there's physical adulthood which is, quite simply, sexual maturity. Your son is quickly approaching both of these milestones in his life. If your son is going to be engaging in adult behaviors, ...


6

Pedophilia is a problematic sexual orientation, but at the age of 15 I don't think it's so straight forward. Being attracted to people 5 years younger than you when you're a 15 year old kid is alot different from liking 13 year olds as a 20 year old. I remember a stage around the age of 15 of feeling like I was attracted to younger (10-13 year old) girls, ...


6

A quicker response in order to cover something I view as an important point: teens have a much higher tendency towards risk-taking behaviors. Thus, while the legal aspects may be the most concerning to you, to your son the legal ramifications only apply "if we get caught." And of course, he'll NEVER get caught again. I agree with the above posters that the ...


5

Well I'm glad that he told you. I wish I had taken the same action as him. Since I was 13 years old I was attracted to kids my age and younger boys. I knew I was gay, but as I got older and older and still felt an attraction to younger kids I saw that it was a problem, but I never told anyone about it because of the fear of being rejected and the way ...


5

You're in an unenviable position with your 15-year old right now. He's very close to the age where he's been told that he'll legally be allowed to participate in sex, but his girlfriend is still very far away from that age. He may, however, be at an age that he will understand this somewhat complex situation - so you should definitely first consider just ...


5

English Law: http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/contents Your son is 16 and thus would count as a child offender under the law. (Once he's 18 the law becomes much more serious, although it is serious for under 18s). Note that he has already broken the law. He touched a child; the touching was sexual; he knew she was under 16. This offence ...


5

she thinks that he is cool because he makes a lot of money off it Most likely, he's spinning yarns about the money in drug dealing and she's falling for it because she watches too much TV. Studies indicate that low-level drug dealers make $20k-$30k per year. While that's a lot for a 17-year-old, it is not very much money at all by adult standards; ...


5

Sitting children down to "tell them the facts of life" or educate them about drugs etc is a stressful proposition for parents and children alike; it often feels confrontational and uncomfortable for all involved. A proactive education is very important in some areas and a reactive approach (responding to their questions) is better in others but which occurs ...


4

There are 2 (possible) issues here. Age You could be concerned about the age. This does raise a few concerns: What happens if they break up? Will she be able to cope? A number of people around my age have been in serious committed, sexual relationships and haven't worked out - for a number of reasons. It often seems to be that those boys who will enter ...


4

Perhaps your son would be impacted by the true story of my 13-year-old cousin who experienced a 15-year-old boy who "loved" her in the same way. She had a baby when she was 14. Then she had an abortion as a result of someone else when she was 15. She became drug addicted, then a prostitute. Please tell your boy that if he does this to her, even if no child ...


3

First let me say the following. There is no moral law (religious laws) and no "law of men" that can do anything at all to prevent teenagers from attempting to have sex. There is only one law that controls teenage sexual behavior and that is biology (the law of the jungle). I would bet a lot of money that, if you allow these two kids to be alone, they will ...


3

I was in the exact same situation as your son at his age. I never molested anyone, and I now have a happy and healthy marriage to an adult woman. Here is my advice: You can't change what you find erotic, but you have choice on how to respond. A molestor isn't necessarily someone who is attracted to children, but someone willing to exploit children. You ...


3

Sometimes us parents fear for the worst, but hope for the best. Your question started by using the word "pedophilia" and that defined the course of the conversation. But let us take a deeper look... As anyone well versed in sex will tell you, physicality is one of the components. The mind, though, is the primary component. This holds true in positive ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible