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78

You absolutely need to seek professional help. The fact that he is forcing other children to perform sexual activities indicates that this is a VERY serious problem that you need to address immediately. Try to find a psychologist, councilor, or social worker who specializes in working with children. If they feel they aren't the right people to help you, ...


47

Wait until the toddler is asleep.


39

Overly sexual behavior for kids is abnormal and often a sign of sexual abuse. You must seek professional help, and based on its conclusions, you may have to involve the law.


38

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


31

You can no longer micromanage your son's activity You have probably noticed that your can't control your son's actions by force or persuasion anymore, if you ever could. He's old enough now to be self directed, which is scary. The only thing you can do is to give him a moral framework in which to live. Provide a credible moral framework Can you explain to ...


29

Pedophilia is a sexual orientation. He is not a bad person just for having this orientation (any more than any other orientation), and that needs to be made clear to him. Not all pedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are pedophiles. Your candor, love, and support are going to be incredibly important to him, and his courage in facing this ...


28

I deeply admire your son for facing his feelings and for seeking help. You must have a very close and special relationship if he can trust you with this. I strongly recommend that you all talk to a good psychatrist, preferably someone with experience in this field. If these feelings persist - and they may - he will need help developing coping strategies ...


23

Your son is nearly sixteen, and that means he's clearly beyond the point where you can 'make' him do things - and it seems like you agree based on your question. So what that means, to me, is the important thing is to help him understand the consequences of his actions. Teenagers are of ten able to make good choices when they understand the full ...


22

Well, it came from somewhere. Someone, at some point, showed him those things in the best case or did such things to him in the worst case. Can't throw accusations around and it doesn't really matter now - the damage has been done, and must be fixed as soon as possible by professional help as Beofett suggested. What I wanted to add is that in such age this ...


21

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


21

While each child is unique, there are some commonly observed sexual behaviors typical for a 5 year old child (so called Normative Behavior) and some behavior that is of a concern (Symptomatic Behavior). The following wikipedia article describes some of these behaviors: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexuality#Normative_and_non-normative_behaviors The ...


20

I'm answering as someone who was involved in sex play as a child. I feel that my experience is particularly useful in this discussion because it was fully benign (or so it seemed) and consensual. Struggling with the memory was complicated beyond what I can easily explain here. To begin with, I had lots of sexual thoughts through the ages of 4 to 12 and ...


19

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


18

"Porn" runs a wide gamut of idealized or fantasy scenarios. Many, if not most, of pornographic materials, portray intimate relations in a way that is not typical. I would imagine a pornographic movie that depicts the awkward "getting to know each other" phase, dating, and the social and emotional intimacy that most parents would hope their children would ...


17

My immediate thought is that a sex movie is like any other movie: It's fake and make-believe, created only to provide entertainment to the viewer. Take Notting Hill as an example. Just like in any other movie, the actors are paid to follow a script. They must perform actions and pretend to have emotions and reactions. Just because it looks real in the movie ...


16

If he is 12 then it is a PERFECT time to have the sex talks with him. When my boy was 4 he walked in on us in the middle of the night, should have still been asleep. He is now 12 and still remembers but he doesn't seem to be any more or less interested or disturbed about that subject matter than other kids his age. He talks about it as if it was mater of ...


16

You need to bring some other adults into the equation. The first people I'd talk to is her parents. Yes, part of the problem might be that she doesn't have great parents but that's why you need to talk them, even more than if her parents are good. The second type of person to talk to is a trusted teacher, or maybe neighbor, who has dealt with both your son, ...


14

Speaking from experience here. At 16 years old, I confessed to my parents that I was addicted to pornography and had been for 5 years. I hid my browsing history and the like. First, make sure he knows that you love him. It does not matter that he is interested in younger children or that he did anything wrong, you still love him. Make sure he knows this. He ...


14

Is this a problem? My personal feeling is that, yes it is. The issue here is one potentially of child abuse -- not your children, but of M. I would question whether M has been subjected to inappropriate requests, or even subject to CSE. It could actually be nothing, but if M is being abused at home or elsewhere it could save M years of hurt if things were ...


13

There isn't much you can do to force a change in their relationship. You can establish curfews, household rules, and so on, but unless you plan to watch her every minute of every day, she'll find a way to break a rule that you put in place. While she is certainly not an adult yet, your daughter's old enough to make some decisions on her own. The best way ...


12

To add to Dave's excellent answer I also recommend trying to let go of any inhibitions you might have in regards to when and where you have sex. In my book the living room on a Saturday afternoon is a perfectly acceptable place & time to get jiggy with it. As long as the children are asleep of course. Oh, and you might want to lock the front door if you ...


11

I'd let him bring it up. I walked in on my parents in flagrante delicto when I was 8, and RAN out of the room and hid in the office for a while. My dad, bless his heart, came to find me and assure me everything was fine. "I know what you guys were doing, Daddy! I'm not scared, just freaked out! Leave me alone!" He left, and I vowed then and there to ...


11

With the current state of the internet, children are increasingly exposed to all levels of pornography whether they mean to or not. A simple mis-spelling of common websites such as "Fecabook.com" (easy to mis-type, not what you expected. Not a porn site anymore though) can result in children seeing graphic pictures and videos. Pornography is often the first ...


11

It depends on the kid actually. Many kids will "play" even as toddlers and in elementary school and just experiment with the different sensations that happen in that area of the body. However, most kids hit puberty and start masturbating with an actual result sometime during the Middle-School years or between 11 and 15. Of course there are exceptions that ...


11

Call the police. Call child protective social services. Edit: Some people may be confused about how the chold is getting access to these men. A ten year old child is not within eyesight all day. The parents may be as protective as they can be but they are no there all the time. Grooming creates a psychologically very strong bond between the abuser and ...


11

There's no universal answer to this question. It's going to vary heavily depending on all sorts of factors. I can merely offer my own POV. I'd start by considering that you can't rid the world of porn. If your child is looking for it, they will find it no matter. So I'd accept the fact that they will be looking at it. As such, I think--as with many ...


10

I agree with your concerns for the girl. There are some great suggestions in the other answers, so I'll limit myself mostly to consequences for the girl. Let's assume you can't stop them from having sex, which doesn't mean the discussion shouldn't take place; they can still be in a relationship with each other that doesn’t involve sex. Discussions with ...


9

First, you need to do the whole birds and the bees talk. You can't run before you can walk, and if a child hasn't received a suitable grounding in this then the rest will be a real problem to distinguish. On the asumption that the purely biological process is understood by the child (not something I have done yet with mine, but that's a whole other ...


9

If the kids are that young, they're not likely to understand enough of the "rules" around showing affection to be confused. This is coming from the dual experience of being the child in that situation, and from being around while a friend of mine (with two kids around the same age) split from her husband to start dating again. In the second case, the ...


9

Teenagers? I've masturbated for as long as I can remember, probably since age 3 even though I didn't know what it was - it just felt good. As the years passed I learned what it was and just kept on going. Always in private, but at some point my awkward mom asked me to not stain the bedding. I complied and there hasn't been a word since.



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