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70

You absolutely need to seek professional help. The fact that he is forcing other children to perform sexual activities indicates that this is a VERY serious problem that you need to address immediately. Try to find a psychologist, councilor, or social worker who specializes in working with children. If they feel they aren't the right people to help you, ...


41

Wait until the toddler is asleep.


38

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


36

Make discussions age appropriate. Scale up the detail as they get older. NEVER LIE TO THEM. Just leave out details. My kids were all born about 3 years apart. This left ample time for each of the previous children to ask questions typical of their age group. Answering their question on the same level is always best. An almost-3-year-old asking, "how ...


32

Overly sexual behavior for kids is abnormal and often a sign of sexual abuse. You must seek professional help, and based on its conclusions, you may have to involve the law.


30

Well, I went the carrot/condom route with my daughter when she was 12, along with discussing the following: Condoms are only effective when used properly. This means, no baby oil for lube, no vaseline or anything petroleum - as it will rot the rubber and cause it to break. Insist that a condom is used! If he's not willing to see to your safety and health ...


20

Well, it came from somewhere. Someone, at some point, showed him those things in the best case or did such things to him in the worst case. Can't throw accusations around and it doesn't really matter now - the damage has been done, and must be fixed as soon as possible by professional help as Beofett suggested. What I wanted to add is that in such age this ...


19

I've typically seen condom use demonstrated on (unpeeled) bananas, but I think @MichaelF's suggestion of a carrot is a better one. I'd even consider purchasing a ("regular" size) realistic-looking dildo, since what you lose in giggle factor you more than make up for with realism. As for storage precautions, I'd point out that carrying a condom in a wallet ...


19

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


18

"Porn" runs a wide gamut of idealized or fantasy scenarios. Many, if not most, of pornographic materials, portray intimate relations in a way that is not typical. I would imagine a pornographic movie that depicts the awkward "getting to know each other" phase, dating, and the social and emotional intimacy that most parents would hope their children would ...


18

Teaching them the correct name is very simple, it doesn't require having to make up names, or work out what to translate as, and as they grow up they won't face any embarrassment in class from using a 'baby' name for something others know the 'grown-up' name for. And I'd certainly be more embarrassed for them to use a play word than the correct terminology. ...


17

My immediate thought is that a sex movie is like any other movie: It's fake and make-believe, created only to provide entertainment to the viewer. Take Notting Hill as an example. Just like in any other movie, the actors are paid to follow a script. They must perform actions and pretend to have emotions and reactions. Just because it looks real in the movie ...


17

While each child is unique, there are some commonly observed sexual behaviors typical for a 5 year old child (so called Normative Behavior) and some behavior that is of a concern (Symptomatic Behavior). The following wikipedia article describes some of these behaviors: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexuality#Normative_and_non-normative_behaviors The ...


15

If he is 12 then it is a PERFECT time to have the sex talks with him. When my boy was 4 he walked in on us in the middle of the night, should have still been asleep. He is now 12 and still remembers but he doesn't seem to be any more or less interested or disturbed about that subject matter than other kids his age. He talks about it as if it was mater of ...


15

I'm answering as someone who was involved in sex play as a child. I feel that my experience is particularly useful in this discussion because it was fully benign (or so it seemed) and consensual. Struggling with the memory was complicated beyond what I can easily explain here. To begin with, I had lots of sexual thoughts through the ages of 4 to 12 and ...


14

As soon as they start asking questions or show curiosity. Younger kids don't understand psychological aspects of sex, so wording might be different, when you talk about sex with six-year old and with a teenager. But it is perfectly OK to explain ehm... basic mechanics of sex, or pregnancy 101, as soon as the kid asks questions.


11

With the current state of the internet, children are increasingly exposed to all levels of pornography whether they mean to or not. A simple mis-spelling of common websites such as "Fecabook.com" (easy to mis-type, not what you expected. Not a porn site anymore though) can result in children seeing graphic pictures and videos. Pornography is often the first ...


11

What I deem most important for my daughters to understand (and my son for that matter) is how their own actions affect the opposite sex and if that is really the effect they desire. On average, sexual attraction is much more disconnected from emotional attraction for boys compared to girls. The boy who doesn't wantonly stare may actually have a deeper ...


11

It depends on the kid actually. Many kids will "play" even as toddlers and in elementary school and just experiment with the different sensations that happen in that area of the body. However, most kids hit puberty and start masturbating with an actual result sometime during the Middle-School years or between 11 and 15. Of course there are exceptions that ...


11

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


10

Well, most six year-olds do lots of things without considering the consequences. Just pick one and ask, "Why did you <whatever> when you knew you would get into trouble for it?" It's because they liked doing it and weren't thinking of the consequences at the time.


10

I'd let him bring it up. I walked in on my parents in flagrante delicto when I was 8, and RAN out of the room and hid in the office for a while. My dad, bless his heart, came to find me and assure me everything was fine. "I know what you guys were doing, Daddy! I'm not scared, just freaked out! Leave me alone!" He left, and I vowed then and there to ...


10

Call the police. Call child protective social services. Edit: Some people may be confused about how the chold is getting access to these men. A ten year old child is not within eyesight all day. The parents may be as protective as they can be but they are no there all the time. Grooming creates a psychologically very strong bond between the abuser and ...


9

To add to Dave's excellent answer I also recommend trying to let go of any inhibitions you might have in regards to when and where you have sex. In my book the living room on a Saturday afternoon is a perfectly acceptable place & time to get jiggy with it. As long as the children are asleep of course. Oh, and you might want to lock the front door if you ...


9

Most of the other advice in this topic is excellent but a small item to add: This shouldn't need to be said but there seem to be a lot of parents in this world who prefer to try to control their children through lies. If you lie about sex, drugs and alcohol once they catch you in one lie they won't trust your other advice on the matter.


8

If the kids are that young, they're not likely to understand enough of the "rules" around showing affection to be confused. This is coming from the dual experience of being the child in that situation, and from being around while a friend of mine (with two kids around the same age) split from her husband to start dating again. In the second case, the ...


8

First, you need to do the whole birds and the bees talk. You can't run before you can walk, and if a child hasn't received a suitable grounding in this then the rest will be a real problem to distinguish. On the asumption that the purely biological process is understood by the child (not something I have done yet with mine, but that's a whole other ...


8

Porn is, even to adults, the junk food of sex; it is a complete fantasy, and while some of it may be plausible, the primary reason to watch porn is to see something you're not getting in your everyday life. While a certain amount of such escapism is normal and even healthy, it depicts activities that are typically more fun to do than to watch. A few genres ...


8

Teenagers? I've masturbated for as long as I can remember, probably since age 3 even though I didn't know what it was - it just felt good. As the years passed I learned what it was and just kept on going. Always in private, but at some point my awkward mom asked me to not stain the bedding. I complied and there hasn't been a word since.


7

When teaching the practical use of condoms I suggest one takes the opportunity to teach the life skill of deciding in advance as well. Maybe these points will be helpful to cover. Use of condoms, if used properly: prevents pregnancies; pregnancy is life altering, take a moment to imagine your life pregnant (or with a pregnant girlfriend) and with a ...



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