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16

I would not recommend trying to be unusually exciting or interesting to him on those weekend visits. Once you are able to be with him every day again, he might be confused if you're less engaged with him then -- so behave towards him just as you normally would, more or less. The same games you currently play, reading books, talking, and so on (adjusting as ...


10

I am so sorry to read this. You have my sympathy. First (I hope you've done this already), hire a lawyer. Does your wife have the legal right to withhold visitation from you? Find out. If she doesn't want to see you, maybe she can drop your children off at a friend's so you could see them without fear of confrontation. Second, is there an equivalent to ...


8

Crying at drop-off and pick-up is more of a separation anxiety issue, and it's totally normal. It has nothing to do with whether she likes daycare. What you really need to know is whether she cries throughout the day, or if the crying is limited to a brief period at drop off and pick up. I used to sneak in to daycare at the end of the day and see my son ...


8

I would guess your son is really asking "why aren't you together with [ex's name] anymore?" In case that's true, perhaps you can take the time to more fully explain the break-up to your son. Obviously he is young, so you'll have to tailor your explanation accordingly -- but I'd suggest giving him something more detailed than "we're not together anymore."


6

Simple answer: No. Absolutely not. In your question, you haven't given a single reason why your son actually should talk to him ever again, but you've given a thousand reasons why he would never want to talk to him, and why talking to him wouldn't be any good for your son anyway. You would do your son a great disservice by not respecting his feelings and ...


6

Acknowledge your child's feelings: "you liked X didn't you? You used to have some fun together. Can you remember the things you did?". Then move the conversation on. "We don't see here any more, do we? We do other things now. That's a shame isn't it?" Then look to the future. "Maybe I'll find someone different. Would you like that? What do you think ...


5

This is a frustrating problem, and I have no quick fixes to offer. I'm also sorry to hear about your son's bad winter. Thinking of the longer haul, have you discussed with your husband the possibility that he (and only he) get up and bring your son to you (in bed or wherever) to nurse, then take him back to settle him in? This might help your son to ...


5

Ironically, something that often really helps is giving them a couple nights without the possibility of Mommy coming to the rescue. It may not be consciously expressed, but the idea of needing someone else to intervene really undermines a Dad's confidence, and babies can sense that. Leaving them alone will help them find their own unique way of working ...


4

I had something very similar with both of my daughters. As a father, pretty much like clockwork, I remember these points: 7 months: they knew I existed and seemed somewhat happy to see me. 1 1/2 years: I truly enjoyed hanging out with them, for short bursts of time. 2 years: The pendulum started swinging, and they wanted to be more involved in the things I ...


3

Your maturity, sensitivity and common sense are very evident, and your daughter is fortunate to have such a giving and loving mom. Kudos to you. You're absolutely right: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. So, what to do? Legally, you can't just decide to end his visitation. To do that, you have to go to court and get a ruling to ...


3

Of course my ex immediately blamed me, saying I put him up to it or that I was lying. Now he keeps pestering me Your ex is still intimidating you and that is not alright. From the information you provided there is no indication that he is clean or that he has been through any kind of domestic violence classes to help him with his addiction to violent ...


3

No, you do not need to force your son to speak to his father. Barring some sort of legal document, such as a current custody agreement, there's no law saying that your son is required to talk to his father. Arguing that his son has to speak to him is not mature behavior, and illustrates to me that he's still not ready for any some of relationship, no ...


3

With both of our little guys, we went through phases like you describe, where my wife was sometimes the only person who could comfort them. To some extent this is 'just a phase' and will pass in time - there will be weeks where only Daddy will comfort them effectively (once you stop breastfeeding, anyway, as that always seems to work). I don't believe ...


3

In this situation, I think the best thing is to get her used to the idea in stages. You come over and all three of you (niece, mom, and you) have a good time playing together. You come over and all play together, but mom gets up for a few minutes to do a chore nearby (within the child's sight). You come over and mom does things for a little longer and a ...


2

Separation anxiety is common in children of this age, and if her mom hasn't worked on it substantially then it's not particularly surprising to me that she have these fears. Our three and a half year old still hates going anywhere that he isn't with mom/dad, and while he will go to daycare/preschool now without crying most of the time, it took a long time ...


2

The good news is you have a couple weeks to prepare. As Karl said, a couple nights without the possibility is probably the way to go. It's not too dissimilar from the process of ferberizing in that you have a small amount of time with radical change to open a much more comfortable situation in the long run. Many disagree with this process, but they may not ...


2

Looking solely from the point of view of the father of a one year old, and what's different there, I would say: attention. Give him as much attention as you can - probably more than you give your daughter. One year olds need a lot of attention, both to help form a bond with you, and to grow and mature intellectually and emotionally. This will change as he ...


1

I only met my father a handful of times, and then he died when I was 14. I admire your efforts to enable your daughter and her father to have a direct relationship. Sometimes, the more you push someone, the more they resist. Try taking a break from "listing her virtues on the phone with him like you're trying to convince him of the merits of being ...


1

Ericka, thanks for your question. I am a father of four, with three boys: 7, 12, 15 years old. I definitely see this separation anxiety as a real problem. While "normal" can be hard to define, if my 7 year old did this to me, I would certainly want counsel myself. What kind of relationship does he have with his Dad? Was there recently a traumatic event ...


1

Two weeks is an eternity, but it is also a blip in time. If you had the power, I am 100% sure you'd alter time so that those weeks would be only seconds! A loving parent's absence is devastation no matter the duration! First, assuming your ethics are as mine, do not lie! The truth told without regard to the listener, though, can be harmful. "Oh, ...


1

In my observation, separation anxiety is age dependent. At six months of age, babies tend to be relatively happy being left with a babysitter. At nine months, they have definitely formed attachments and will protest strongly when dropped off. Unfortunately, there is not much to be done about crying at drop-off time, other than to say a few reassuring words ...


1

I have 3 Children , a 6 year old daughter , and 8 year old daughter and a 7 year old son . he 6 year old holds the anxiety towards mommy leaving . I find that letting her know whats happening hours before she leaves ( Gymnastics with my other 2 children , she has a class by herself a different day ) is the best way to soften the blow . She still cries when ...



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